*~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~* It is a most insidious drug which must be administered to others in order to achieve its desired effects for oneself. ~ Marie Winn *~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~*
tapati NLQ Carnival Moderators Prime Member member is offline
Re: Life. Liberty. And the Pursuit of Happiness. « Reply #1 on Aug 24, 2010, 1:49pm »
Thank you, Kiery, for sharing your story. I hope it stands as a beacon of hope for all the girls out there dreaming of freedom! I hope also that your parents do come around someday and recognize that a daughter is irreplaceable in their life and should never be pushed away over ideology.
(I look forward to getting to the end of my own story, LOL.)
Joined: Mar 2010 Gender: Female Posts: 36 Karma: 4
Re: Life. Liberty. And the Pursuit of Happiness. « Reply #4 on Aug 25, 2010, 6:40am »
Kiery~
When I read your last installment of your wedding...I felt like I was reading the story of myself and another close friend of mine.
I simply don't understand the level of control that our parents feel that they need and have over us.
I have been married for eight years...and my parents sabotaged our wedding as well. I paid for my own gown and the rest was footed by my husbands family.
My parents even CAME to the wedding (that they had sabotaged) and scowled the entire time, standing in judgement on the way that we were doing things.
Its such a sad thing and such a shame. And this kind of thing happens way to often.
Its kind special to me to have met someone who has gone through something similar, just to know that you are not alone!
My relationship with my parents has ended. Its non-exisitent for alot of reasons, but it wasn't easy. And yes, there is always hope. And you are SO RIGHT. Sometimes its very hard to see!
Thanks for your courage in sharing your story! Hugs!
Joined: May 2010 Gender: Female Posts: 19 Karma: 4
Re: Life. Liberty. And the Pursuit of Happiness. « Reply #5 on Aug 25, 2010, 7:52am »
This story is sheer dynamite. The young woman in love versus her controlling parents who want her to raise a never-ending parade of babies (in the 21st century!!!) Quiverfull ensnares not only adult women (and, as Vyckie has often pointed out, men, who are forced to be demigods and earn enough money to feed a teeming mob) but it also ensnares the oldest daughters of the family. These daughters become unpaid slave labor--and unlike their mothers who made a conscious adult choice to read the books and attend the seminars and feed the rich patriarchs and their wives who shovel this system to the right wing evangelical crowd--the daughters never get a choice.
With that many children, unless you're filthy rich and/or have a huge support system, something's gotta give sooner or later. If Mom can't break free, some or all of the kids must. The system is unsustainable, and trying to time-travel back a century or two in order to sustain it does not make it work. (We'll sew our own clothes! Do without health insurance and use herbs! etc.). A huge share of the workload inevitably falls on female children. The tottering tower of an unsustainable lifestyle is propped right on the oldest daughter's back as her mother is slowly incapacitated. I'm so thankful I left when my children were small, before my daughter was forced to raise a family when she was still a child herself.
The things the wider culture (wicked heathen world) sees as normal and healthy, like a grown woman choosing a young man to marry and getting married because she's in love (is this not one of the oldest and most compelling human stories?), becomes an ugly battleground with the parents fighting for continued control. If the oldest daughter bails, who will be the assistant chef/maid/home educator/child care worker/home business worker/hair stylist/disciplinarian? Demigod Dad loses a worshiper and Invalid Mom loses a right hand. The whole tower is in danger of crashing down, and I don't foresee a healthy sisterly relationship between daughter number one and daughter number two, who will have to step up and be the new workhorse in place of the blushing bride.
Thank you so much, Keiry. Your fairy tale couldn't come true without a senseless family war. Unless you tell it, who would ever believe it?
Re: Life. Liberty. And the Pursuit of Happiness. « Reply #8 on Aug 26, 2010, 2:04pm »
Well I don't know about the not-so-favorable thing (and would rather not, so don't explain on my account!) but she is eminently quotable:
Quote:
With that many children, unless you're filthy rich and/or have a huge support system, something's gotta give sooner or later. If Mom can't break free, some or all of the kids must. The system is unsustainable, and trying to time-travel back a century or two in order to sustain it does not make it work. (We'll sew our own clothes! Do without health insurance and use herbs! etc.).
That is so true! I think the economic pressure is the real reason behind the "college is a waste of time and money" talk. The truth is that they can't afford to send anyone to college, much less all their children.
Thanks for sharing your story, Kiery! I wish you every (continued) happiness!
Well I don't know about the not-so-favorable thing (and would rather not, so don't explain on my account!) but she is eminently quotable:
Quote:
With that many children, unless you're filthy rich and/or have a huge support system, something's gotta give sooner or later. If Mom can't break free, some or all of the kids must. The system is unsustainable, and trying to time-travel back a century or two in order to sustain it does not make it work. (We'll sew our own clothes! Do without health insurance and use herbs! etc.).
That is so true! I think the economic pressure is the real reason behind the "college is a waste of time and money" talk. The truth is that they can't afford to send anyone to college, much less all their children.
This is completely true.
I've said this before but.. as the pressures mount the homeschool family inevitably has a revelation that education is NOT the point of all this. If they were college friendly before hand they will now see college as unnecessary at best and maybe destructive. They will ditch algebra in favor of character and may even write testimonies about how they had lost their way and forgotten that the real education was in godliness. All of this happens when they hit that high school wall where they can no longer teach the material and where they are struggling financially and realize they will never send any of them to college (and that there is no hope of them being academically ready anyway).
It's a constant revision of your life so that whatever you are doing or failing to do is all a part of God's lesson for your family.
Joined: Feb 2010 Gender: Female Posts: 60 Location: Maine Karma: 5
Re: Life. Liberty. And the Pursuit of Happiness. « Reply #11 on Aug 29, 2010, 11:07am »
Quote:
education is NOT the point of all this. If they were college friendly before hand they will now see college as unnecessary at best and maybe destructive. They will ditch algebra in favor of character and may even write testimonies about how they had lost their way and forgotten that the real education was in godliness. All of this happens when they hit that high school wall where they can no longer teach the material and where they are struggling financially and realize they will never send any of them to college (and that there is no hope of them being academically ready anyway)
That totally happened. Actually I tried algebra, never stuck, and so we did "consumer math" instead. To this day, I really regret not just pushing through (but we never found anything that worked, because for some reason video teachings hadn't dawned on us or we thought they were bad at the time). My parents said all the time, it mattered more that we knew about God and the basics than anything else (like higher science, higher maths - at least for girls, who don't need it -, etc). Education became more of a religious thing, even though when they were going to homeschool me, it was originally for academic reasons.
My brother recently graduated (at 16/17 also) and my mom informed me that he has a non-college diploma - in real people speak, he hasn't taken any of the classes he needs if he ever had the inclination to go to college, except for maths. No foreign language, higher writing, or anything like that. His destiny is in trade, apparently, like my dad....who pastors on the side.
I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so, there are some things I cannot change, but 'till I try I'll never know... - Defying Gravity, Wicked
Re: Life. Liberty. And the Pursuit of Happiness. « Reply #12 on Aug 29, 2010, 12:55pm »
I have seen this happen so many times, Kiery, and it ticks me off! It ticks me off royally.
Uh, no, not my student. We have actually been in the business of education all these years. He really DOES know trig, and logarithms, and he's ready for derivatives. Honest.
My son is taking Spanish CLEP in two weeks, and my daughter is a Japanese major in her junior year of college. But then I could afford resources and even private lessons, because I only had two children. I did that on purpose so that my children could be provided for, and have a nominally sane mom who could be there for them on an individual basis.
But so many home school families, instead of admitting when it's time to bring in outside help, did exactly what Kiery and Arriety saw- they just redefined what the goals were as they went, so no matter how bad they were failing, they still give themselves an "A".
And mostly it is about money. You can take online courses through OU or UN/Lincoln and have expert instruction at home, but it's several hundred dollars a course. When you're making your own laundry soap and shopping at Goodwill on discount days, a few hundred dollars might as well be a few thousand.
Not everyone can home school successfully. I LOVE home schooling, but there seriously needs to be stricter regulation. It has gone from reasonable to bat shit crazy in only one decade. WT*?!?
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