9 comments:
Jadehawk said...
Vyckie, don't think that being strong is what kept you going in QF for so long. yes, it did keep you going, and that's a good thing (the alternative being...what..? a weak woman wouldn't have been able to say"enough!", she would have simply wilted and died).
strength doesn't mean doing everything right, or well, but it means being willing to do the right thing and admitting mistakes. you weren't a very strong teenager (few are). you were hoping other people would fix your problems for you. now imagine spending your entire life like that, afraid of taking responsibility, just drifting with whatever fate dumps on you.
all women who took their fate in their own hands, no matter what the methods, and how many mistakes they made along the way, are strong women. and that's definitely avery good thing
Saturday, March 28, 2009
cogito ergo patior said...
Hi Vyckie's Mom!
We all make mistakes because we can't see the whole picture. All we know is what we've seen in our lifetimes; we can only make decisions based on what we've known so far. We do the best we can in the situations we're in. You must have done pretty well to have a smart, tough daughter like Vyckie!
And some pretty amazing grandchildren too, judging by Angel's post.
(hugs Vyckie's Mom)
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Lab Boy said...
I'm going to agree with Jadehawk.
The strength I (and I speak for no one else) am inspired by is not the "strength" to persevere as a mother in a quiverfull family. The strength I am inspired by is the strength it takes to get out of such a situation.
Dealing with the fear of losing your children, getting away from everything you have come to know, leaving your home to escape an impossible situation despite all the physical and emotional ties: that is the strength that inspires.
Much like Angel's sensitivity to react, but with a very large pile of past to dig through first.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Anonymous said...
From everything I've read here, Vyckie's mom sounds like a real gem. She's come a long way, been through a lot of hard things and lived to tell about it. Good for her. She sure seems like she's a GREAT grandmother, too.
What a warm smile she has in the picture!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Charis said...
((((((Lou Ann)))))))
cyberhug
You are loved and accepted. You are amazing and you have an amazing daughter and grandchildren!
Can't help but notice that beauty runs in your family! The above picture and the one Vyckie put in the "LOOK OUT..." post. Strong AND beautiful. I wonder if some men find that amazing strength and beauty so intimidating that they attempt to "level" by abusing?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Anonymous said...
Yeah, that's one of the terrible things about emotional abuse; it can take some of your best qualities and turn them against you. So can a lot of milder life experiences, too.
Lou Ann, I'm not trying to absolve you or anything, because that's not my place and doesn't even make any sense, but I do want to tell you that this particular stranger doesn't blame you. My assumption is that you did your best. Not the best thing in the situation as I might see it, or you might see it now, or even as you saw it then, but the best you could.
What I see from both of you, Lou Ann and Vyckie, is that you both grew up in situations where there was no model for health. So many people grow up like that, and so many grow up abusing other people and themselves, and so so many never get out of that cycle. What I see clearly in Vyckie's story, and see hinted at in yours Lou Ann, is that you never permanently gave up on finding a healthy way to live for yourselves and your children. You had to rediscover or reinvent it all for yourselves, and you took a lot of wrong turnings, but you've made a lot of progress. It might be stupid to say I'm proud of you because what on Earth do I have to do with it, but I'm not finding a better word for it.
Nothing can replace those years in your lives and your children's, nothing can erase the scars; abuse is not somehow vindicated by your ability to "rise above it:" it is always terrible. But neither does that awfulness negate you accomplishment.
I really don't want to tell you how to interpret your lives or how to feel about them, but I do want you to know that I am impressed, saddened, and occasionally joyful at the stories of where you've been and where you are now.
Aurora
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Angel Renee said...
Thanks, mom-I'm really glad to read how you feel about all that now.
Did I ever tell you that your color is a cool orange fire with negrita-tulip flecks all through it? Very nice.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Cait said...
Hi Vyckie,
I've been stopping by this site since I read the Salon article and I just have to echo what the other commenters are saying- when I think of "strong women" as a compliment (and I think you and Laura, as well as Angel and Lou Ann, are definitely strong women), I see a holistic, emotional and spiritual strength that comes from making hard decisions and overcoming tremendous odds. You had incredible fortitude and strength to survive as a QF wife and mother, but it seems as though you are a more whole person for yourself now that you are outside that framework. There are certainly many different definitions of strength, but when people call you a strong woman now, it's an entirely different concept than the strength you had before.
Lou Ann and Angel seem like amazing women, I'm so glad you three have each other
Cait
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Anonymous said...
"It was only when I was so worn down physically that I simply could not go on that I peeked my head up over the box (of the fundamentalist "biblical worldview") and started asking myself not, "Can I do this?" but the much more sensible question: "SHOULD I be doing this?""
Honestly? I think this is the part that signifies strength.
Kristin
Saturday, April 04, 2009