No feelings, no needs, no wants, no goals, no visions. Just trying to arrive at a place of "deadness," where nothing hurt anymore and there was no more disappointment. And plenty of guilt and "self-flagellation" when you failed.
I've suffered from depression/suicidal tendancies as long as I can remember. One of the things that really strikes me about this, that isn't really comon knowledge, is that the worst bouts of a major depression often aren't sadness or despair, but numbness. Deadness, as you say. A life without happiness, where you're too apathetic to even feel anything.
It really sucks. And to think people are encouraged to do themselves on purpose out of some misguided belief it's what God wants? So incredibly disturbing.