|
Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Oct 28, 2009 13:28:06 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Nov 1, 2009 19:02:13 GMT -5
Our first NLQ Grandstand post is up too!
|
|
|
Post by xara on Nov 1, 2009 19:34:30 GMT -5
I like Bette Midler too. It is not cool that you had to supress that side of yourself.
|
|
Hillary
Full Member
"Quivering Daughters ~ Hope and Healing for the Daughters of Patriarchy" Now Available!
Posts: 129
|
Post by Hillary on Nov 1, 2009 20:24:15 GMT -5
What a way to start!!!
|
|
|
Post by km on Nov 1, 2009 20:24:33 GMT -5
I love this post! And I hope you got yourself some Doc Martens.
|
|
|
Post by arietty on Nov 2, 2009 4:58:36 GMT -5
I love this post! And I hope you got yourself some Doc Martens. I have about 20 pairs ;D
|
|
|
Post by whatkindofwoman on Nov 2, 2009 10:30:18 GMT -5
Arietty,
Just...
(((((((((hugs))))))))))))
|
|
|
Post by pandapaws on Nov 2, 2009 18:50:40 GMT -5
None of the links work for me.
|
|
|
Post by xara on Nov 2, 2009 18:54:59 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by krwordgazer on Nov 3, 2009 23:07:09 GMT -5
Arietty, so sad that you were so oppressed, you couldn't even choose what shoes to wear. And that your husband would be gone so long and you didn't mind because it was so much worse when he was home. I'm glad you escaped all that.
Hugs from me, too!
|
|
|
Post by arietty on Nov 4, 2009 0:51:04 GMT -5
Arietty, so sad that you were so oppressed, you couldn't even choose what shoes to wear. And that your husband would be gone so long and you didn't mind because it was so much worse when he was home. I'm glad you escaped all that. Hugs from me, too! I could have chosen them but.. 1. They didn't fit the image of a Godly Christian Woman that I wanted to be. And I knew that. 2. If I was wearing them my husband would have been absolutely horrible about it thus making it not worth it at all (which I hear in a lot of Vyckie's story--it's not that you can't do it, it's just they make life so excruciating or stressful that you don't do it.) But it's really about choosing to be Godly and thinking that means some very narrow choices.
|
|
|
Post by arietty on Nov 4, 2009 0:53:02 GMT -5
Oh and as to the husband gone till late at night.. frankly in the last few months if I had found out he was having an affair I would have been thrilled because it would have been a reason to leave. A reason other people accepted to some extent.
|
|
|
Post by journey on Nov 4, 2009 1:41:50 GMT -5
2. If I was wearing them my husband would have been absolutely horrible about it thus making it not worth it at all (which I hear in a lot of Vyckie's story--it's not that you can't do it, it's just they make life so excruciating or stressful that you don't do it.) YES. This was true in my case much of the time. It wasn't that I was forbidden to do eeeeverything. It's just that life would go sooo much smoother if I did everything his way. Any time I didn't, I paid. Not with physical violence, but with stony looks, silence, sighs, and other passive aggressive tools that would generally send me into cowering submission. Yelling? Open conflict? Great. I could do that just fine. But that wasn't how it worked with him. Actually *talking* about things was considered wrong. Having open emotion about things was considered immature. I learned early on that if I tried talking about things, I would be punished for it. He favored the passive aggressive slow-simmer stuff, where we could never actually TALK and get it out, but rather I had to *feel* his displeasure and subtle digs and spiritual comments about the sinfulness of whatever it was I had done (whether it was a certain style of clothes or a certain way of washing the dishes or a certain way of driving or a certain way of researching)... It didn't take me long before I learned that submitting to his will and whims was just so much easier than facing that. I mean, when I get mad, I can maintain it for an hour, even a day. But him, he could maintain it for days, months, and in some cases, YEARS. There was the certain knowledge that I *would* pay. Of course, that was never said in words, never spoken----and if I brought it up, and I did once, I was told I was imagining it all. (I believed that, too... it was all so crazy-making). He, much much later, admitted to some of it and it was just chilling, the things he said (and felt were fully justified).
|
|
|
Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Nov 12, 2009 20:58:18 GMT -5
Arriety ~ my secret desire was to explore "unorthodox" philosophical ideas. I had SO many questions that I wanted to search out and think about. For the first couple of years, I would "sneak" the books (since Warren was blind, this was not that difficult) from the Christian College library. I would tell Warren that I was doing homework ~ but in truth, I'd finished all my assigned reading and was digging into theological stuff that was completely over my head I loved it because, even though I didn't get most of it ~ there were glimpses of interesting thoughts entering my head. I scared myself once ~ can't even remember what it was about now ~ by reading something which could possibly take me down the path away from biblical orthodoxy ~ and it was about that time that Jon Shonebarger was preaching about how women are more susceptible to Satan's deceptions ~ so I got a little scared and determined to stick with "safe" topics. For many years, I only read vision forum-type materials ~ plus the conservative Christian stuff for the newspaper. I also read everything by Josh McDowell, Ravi Zacharias, and similar Christian apologists so that I was absolutely solid in my "reasons" for my faith. When I finally got an internet connection (after Hazelle was born), I discovered some websites which promoted Christian Universalism ~ and from those, I followed links to more liberal Christian teachings. But again, I scared myself with "forbidden" thoughts ~ such as some non-literalist hermeutical approaches to scripture which seemed to make sense to me ... only I was afraid to get started down that path away from absolute certainty. So ~ for all those years, I was really suppressing my secret desire to actually THINK. My correspondence with Ron changed all of that ~ all the sudden, I was writing to my secular/progressive uncle who had no objections to my thinking about anything and everything ~ so I really took advantage of that freedom and read more books / online stuff in that one year than I had read during all my QF years. I couldn't get enough ~ and I got quite bold about it too ~ even reading Dawkins, Hitchens, etc. ... This is getting ahead of my story, but it was actually C.S. Lewis who eventually talked me out of my supernaturalism ~ which is interesting because while I'd been so careful to read only "safe" stuff for all those years ~ it was not my venturing into the philosophical writings of liberal / atheist thinkers ~ but the very orthodox Lewis which undermined the biblical foundations of my faith.
|
|
|
Post by arietty on Nov 12, 2009 22:02:10 GMT -5
Vyckie I once bought a book which was an overview of different philosophies. I was at a christian bookstore with my ex-husband and tried to sneak it into the basket of children's bibles.. he demanded to know what I wanted it for. I said I wanted a book to read. He said, "you HAVE books". Like I wasn't supposed to get any new ones. I solemnly told him I had read them all, LOL!
I just wanted sooooo much to read something that was a window into somewhere else.. that was not my confined world.
After I got out of fundamentalism I read a lot of comparative religion.. but it no longer interests me. I don't mind hearing one person telling me how something spiritual impacted on their life but I just can't get interested in any other holy scriptures and what men long dead have to say about them.
|
|