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Post by km on Apr 16, 2010 15:59:56 GMT -5
Also, yeah, Ruth... The stuff you're describing does sound...really abusive. How have you...dealt with all of it? I mean, I'm kinda fucked up just 'cause I was taught not to have sex before marriage, but the extreme policing... *Dad* going to shop for bras with me... Being scared about my period to begin with--and getting *screamed* at over it by a parent. Ugh... I can't even imagine. And I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm also curious how "normal" you think this is within the ATI community? It absolutely violates boundaries that should always be in place between a parent and child.
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Post by km on Apr 16, 2010 16:05:08 GMT -5
Oh, also... I want to second what xara said about the importance of good sex education. I'm 30, and I grew up in a moderately conservative Southern state, and I was among the last public school classes who had real sex ed. It wasn't perfect, and it focused too much on "scaring" students by showing awful pictures of STD-ridden genitalia, *but* we learned the basics about how things function, how family planning works, etc.
It utterly astounds me to see how things have changed in the years since... As "abstinence-only" education has overtaken what was once real sex ed in the United States, I'm *really* seeing a difference. In teaching undergraduate college courses, I have seen how *clueless* kids are these days about sex. I don't teach anything even remotely related to sex ed, but students feel oddly comfortable asking basic questions... And I am routinely shocked by how little they know (I have had students who did not know how HIV was contracted.). That scares me because *college* is when people start experimenting with sex and generally have the most partners. It seems to me that they know increasingly *less* about what they're doing. And this is not a good thing.
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Volly
New Member
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Post by Volly on Apr 19, 2010 5:06:19 GMT -5
Another big, belated {{{{HUG}}}} from someone who isn't generally a hugger! I'm so sorry you were subjected to such complete and total idiocy!
Good grief! What the hell is WRONG with these parents?!
Even that [expletive deleted] James Dobson has advised parents, in print, to furnish a razor and shaving instructions to their daughters when leg and underarm hair starts to appear.
My childhood didn't include any religious weirdness, but my parents were definitely squeamish about all the "girl-into-woman" aspects. I definitely felt "slutty" with regard to my father when it came to things like wearing a bra (always a "brassiere" when my father referred to it, and always in a sneering, disapproving tone) and periods. I hid used tampons in a dresser drawer for YEARS, not wanting to put them in a wastebasket and have "him" see them. So, patriarchy is bad enough on its own, without the religious delusion on top of it.
Our species REALLY needs to evolve a little faster.
Hope everybody has a decent week!
/v
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Post by krwordgazer on Apr 21, 2010 0:37:09 GMT -5
All I can see is that boundaries-- even the faintest smidgeon of a boundary-- were simply not allowed. It's almost like your dad didn't even understand the concept, Ruth.
Your story is so riveting. I was raised in a disfunctional home, too, where boundaries were barely understood-- but your family took it to a whole other level.
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Post by justflyingin on Apr 25, 2010 10:04:31 GMT -5
Sorry for being such a latecomer, Ruth, but I wanted to comment on your story (I was one of the "unlucky vacationers stranded by the ask cloud").
Your story is amazing. As journey pointed out early on...it's amazing you turned out.
Is this "normal" that the dad would go bra shopping with the daughters?
I can't think that it is. Please tell me it isn't!
And to refuse deodorant? Where was mom and CVS Bucks? Or the Dollar store? It's not THAT expensive.
As to women shaving...I live in Poland and until lately, women often didn't shave their underarms or legs. It was awful in the summertime...let me assure you. Really awful. ??
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Post by Angelia Sparrow on Apr 26, 2010 7:18:07 GMT -5
I'm late on this. Ruth, that sounds awful.
When my period struck in May of 1981, My mother gave me a lecture about how I was going to have to keep myself cleaner. I was bad about showering and bathing at that age. That was the worst I got. Deodorant and bras were provided with a minimum of fuss.
My husband has had to go bra shopping with our daughters once or twice. (I was over-the-road for brief periods and the need arose) Everyone involved found it difficult. Now, my youngest has no qualms saying "I need a new bra" but I'm the oine who takes her. The only thing that would strike anyone as odd was that he doled out the oldest's birth control pills for a year or so. He handled all the medication for all the kids, since I was gone 2 nights a week and treated it just like the calcium pills and the lithium and multivitamins.
When my oldest had her first period, I took her and her best friend out for dinner and offered to answer any questions. When my son turned 13, I did the same. When he turned 15, my husband did the same. When my youngest has her first, there's going to be religious work involved. She's Wiccan and is looking forward to her Maidening. (as I look forward to my Croning. Hers will be sooner though)
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