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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on May 4, 2009 8:02:40 GMT -5
There have been many good book recommendations posted in the comments section of the blog as well as here on the forum ~ and I'd really like to highlight these resources in one central location. So ~ here's a place to post your suggestions for books which you'd like to see included in the No Longer Quivering resource page which I'm planning to set up through Amazon.com. Thanks so much.
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kay
Junior Member
A fool hath no dialogue within himself, the first thought carrieth him without the reply of a second
Posts: 75
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Post by kay on May 4, 2009 13:33:37 GMT -5
I was actually thinking of starting a topic on this exact subject! I've seen lots of posted scattered throughout the forum with great book suggestions (my Amazon.com shopping list is filling up quite steadiliy . I don't have any books to post yet, but just wanted to say I think this post and the Amazon idea are great!
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Post by luneargentee on May 10, 2009 16:29:42 GMT -5
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Post by coleslaw on May 10, 2009 16:48:08 GMT -5
Some I'd recommend:
Freedom Evolves, Daniel C. Dennett
The Neuroscience of Fair Play; Why We (Usually) Follow the Golden Rule, Donald W.Pfaff
Your Inner Fish, Neil Shubin That one isn't about free will or morality like the other two; it's just a good science book.
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aimai
Full Member
Posts: 172
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Post by aimai on May 10, 2009 18:20:45 GMT -5
I loved "Your Inner Fish." I think there was an NPR interview with the author as well. Its incredibly well written and t hought provoking.
aimai
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Post by luneargentee on May 10, 2009 22:22:07 GMT -5
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Post by kisekileia on May 11, 2009 2:32:31 GMT -5
"Toxic Faith" by Jack Felton and Stephen Arterburn might be worth a look. That book has a lot of very interesting ideas about the dynamics of families that contain religious abuse. There are two questionable things about it: 1) It uses the language of addiction to describe how people get embroiled in toxic faith systems, which may or may not be your cup of tea, and 2) Stephen Arterburn is also responsible for the book "Every Man's Battle" and its spinoffs, which teach very strict ideas about 'sexual purity' that I now believe to be spiritually abusive. Nonetheless, I think women coming out of the Quiverfull movement, particularly those who want to remain in some type of Christianity, could benefit from reading "Toxic Faith".
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Post by rosa on May 11, 2009 10:04:21 GMT -5
Self-help books, but very practical & hands-on ones: Harriet Lerner, "The Dance of Anger" - she's a family-systems psychologist, so she talks a lot about how to change your own behavior and what kind of response you're likely to get from other people when you do that. She also talks about patterns and emotional triggers (like anniversaries, hitting the age a parent was when they died, etc.) Suzette Elgin Haden - The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense. Haden's a linguist and a feminist. This book is great if you tend to get stuck in certain modes when you're stressed, and also great for learning tactics to derail interactions that are spiraling into hostility or violence. The book has a little bit of theory in it about how people talk and why, but also has scripts to practice different techniques. This book is the only reason I'm able to ever have a conversation with my dad.
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lectio
Full Member
growing...
Posts: 128
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Post by lectio on May 11, 2009 11:29:04 GMT -5
Toxic Faith is excellent and very appropriate to the "super religous" kind of abuse.
Another very important book for those who've gone through spiritual abuse is "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" (by VanVonderan). It's mainly written for those in abusive churches, but when your husband has been your "spiritual leader" and was abusive (you were in your own private cult, as it were), it is highly appropriate.
A close second is his, "Families Where Grace is in Place." It does a very good job of showing what healthy families look like, and in contrast, really exposes the opposite...very good also for healing and learning how to be a healthy parent, spouse, etc. Small and cheap book, but very very powerful.
I also highly recommend, "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, which is hands-down the best book I've ever seen on male spousal abuse. Painful reading, but very enlightening.
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Post by anotheramy on May 11, 2009 14:42:15 GMT -5
The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong
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Post by themomma on May 12, 2009 13:07:52 GMT -5
I really liked Grace Awakeing by Charles Swindoll.
It details what living under grace and letting others live under grace (rather than legalism) REALLY looks like.
It is way different than what most would label "grace".
It really helped me deal with a lot of the guilt I had left over from growing up in a "lose your salvation, works-based cult".
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Post by nightowl on May 12, 2009 16:59:59 GMT -5
Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on May 13, 2009 8:17:37 GMT -5
Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd Laura & I read this book together when she first moved in with me. About every other paragraph, we'd have to stop and say, "Wow ~ that's just what I felt like!" Highly recommended book.
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on May 13, 2009 10:06:59 GMT -5
Here's a link to the No Longer Quivering resource page where I've added the book recommendations from this forum: astore.amazon.com/nolongerquivering-20When I get a chance, I'll go through the NLQ blog comments and search for more book recommendations because I know there were some really good ones listed there.
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lectio
Full Member
growing...
Posts: 128
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Post by lectio on May 13, 2009 14:57:46 GMT -5
Has anyone mentioned "A New Kind of Christian" by Brian McLaren yet? I loved that book...quirky little fictional conversation...
I think what I loved the most was just the fact that asking questions and not having answers was considered okay---even GOOD---for Christians. He does all sorts of things in that book that are flat out NOT ALLOWED in the Christianity I came from...and probably saved my faith in the process. That book basically says that the fundamentalists don't own Christianity....which, when all you've known is fundamentalist Chrsitianity, is quite an astounding discovery. (I've been written off by friends for liking Brian McLaren, because to them he's the anti-Christ, but oh well...)
Another one for those still Christian is The Shack. Also written by the devil, according to preachers that I know. *groaning sigh* Very interesting conversation about gender in that book (the second half of it)...some very good things, very healing things, for those stumbling out of patriarchy and fundamentalism but still wanting to hang on to Jesus.
I loved Sue Monk Kidd's Dance of the Dissonent Daughter too, btw. I related with a lot of her story so much...didn't always come to the same conclusions, but really resonated deeply with much of what she wrote.
The Boundaries book (by Cloud and Townsend) was...wow...I listened to that on audio and realized that if I'd just known the simple truths of that book BEFORE I got married, what a mess I would have avoided. As a fundamentalist Christian woman, I didn't know I was allowed to have boundaries at all...very important book for those learning how to be "grown ups" and for those coming out of abusive situations...helping us learn how NOT to allow that to happen to us again. The thing is, the book is kind of like a "no-brainer..." but as I listened to it on audio (got mine via Audible) I was just floored at how LITTLE I actually knew the concepts. I could give lip service to all of them, but did not actually believe them, did not relate with them, and because of that, allowed myself to be walked over in countless ways. This book gives women permission to be their own human being with authority over their own life. Seems pretty basic, but when you are coming out of conservative Christian womanhood, it's so NOT what you have been taught.
Families Where Grace is in Place is another book that is so important to get, I think, for those with families/kids stumbling out of patriarchy/fundamentalism. (It's written by the same guy who did the other excellent book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, another great read). That book is SO good...helping us learn how destructive/damaging the punitive "perform so I'll love you, perform to be rightous" mentality is, how devastating the shaming environment is, and how to facilitate an environment of acceptance and warmth for your kids AND for your own self...
I think most of us in the patriarchy camp probably also embraced the punitive parenting practices (Pearls, Ezzo's, Bradley, Tripp, etc) and Families Where Grace is in Place, out of all the books out there, was hands-down the BEST one at really digging into the underlying philosophies of that performance-based way of relating and helping me learn how to relate from a totally different plane of being. It was a small book and very cheap used on Amazon. (I also liked a lot of the ideas in Jane Nelson's "Positive Discipline" books too...also cheap used on Amazon)...
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Post by luneargentee on May 14, 2009 3:41:59 GMT -5
I am so glad this was posted. I saw this book, but didn't buy it, then couldn't remember the title or author, just that it was blue. (That's kind of a joke among booksellers, someone looking for a book and all they know is that the cover is blue or red.) Nightowl, thank you.
Vyckie, thank you for setting up the astore.
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Post by kisekileia on May 14, 2009 3:50:07 GMT -5
Another book I'd like to recommend is Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines. It's targeted at women who have survived sexual abuse, but the ideas in the book are way more broadly applicable than that. There's a lot of stuff about listening to your body to figure out what YOU want and don't want sexually, which I imagine could be incredibly useful from women coming out of marriages where sexual decisions were made entirely by the husband. There is also stuff about learning to deal with situations that you WANT to be in, but that trigger your trauma issues, which could be really useful for abused women who want to get back into sexual relationships or (as in my case) people who have been abused by religion who want to get back into healthy religion.
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Post by grandmalou on May 14, 2009 6:46:57 GMT -5
Adventures in Missing the Point by Brian McLaren and Tony Campolo, especially the chapter on Women in Ministry. Captive Hearts, Captive Minds...Freedom from Cults and Abusive Relationships by Madeleine Landau Tobias and Janja Lalich.
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Post by nightowl on May 14, 2009 14:49:38 GMT -5
I am so glad this was posted. I saw this book, but didn't buy it, then couldn't remember the title or author, just that it was blue. (That's kind of a joke among booksellers, someone looking for a book and all they know is that the cover is blue or red.) Nightowl, thank you. Vyckie, thank you for setting up the astore. Glad that I could help! It's an excellent book.
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Post by kisekileia on May 14, 2009 22:17:20 GMT -5
I think Philip Yancey would be a worthwhile author to read for women who are still Christians, especially those who are still evangelical, but have left the Quiverfull movement. His book Soul Survivor is all about various role models, many of them unconventional, who helped him break free of his very racist fundamentalist upbringing. Since there's a racist undertone to Quiverfull thinking as well ("let's make as many white babies as we can so the world doesn't end up dominated by darker people!"), I think that might be relevant.
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Post by xara on May 15, 2009 17:01:11 GMT -5
Several of us mentioned her books in the original comments on the blog that Tamora Pierce is an excellent author and her books are very empowering for women and teenage girls. She is also co-founder of www.sheroescentral.com/ which is a really good website.
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Post by luneargentee on May 20, 2009 0:22:24 GMT -5
I just started this book and am loving it. The first section is on the Celts and it's very interesting how upset the Romans were by the freedom, strength and power of Celtic women; they especially feared the magic the women had. The Roman paterfamilias is really the basis of the absolute head of household, female subjugation of patriarchy.
The author is the Terry Jones of Monty Python, and he makes the history interesting and enjoyable.
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Post by Kaderin on May 20, 2009 16:26:58 GMT -5
I very much recommend "Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. She's an ex-muslim and tells her tale of growing up in patriarchy at its "best". Very insightful and interesting - definitly worth reading.
By the way, she made a very controversial short film titled "Submission" for which her co-producer was murdered for - the title speaks for itself. I'll see if I can find a transcript...
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Post by philosimphy on May 23, 2009 5:44:13 GMT -5
I very much recommend "Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. She's an ex-muslim and tells her tale of growing up in patriarchy at its "best". Very insightful and interesting - definitly worth reading. By the way, she made a very controversial short film titled "Submission" for which her co-producer was murdered for - the title speaks for itself. I'll see if I can find a transcript... I found the video (forward to 1 min 20 secs to get english...) video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7106648073888697427(remaining parts should be linked off that page)
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Post by barbaraw on Jun 11, 2009 9:21:05 GMT -5
Again with the fiction, but I quite enjoy the first two books of the Exiles trilogy by Melanie Rawn (I specify that it's the first two books not because I don't like the third, but because there *is* no third, so if you only want to read complete series you want to stay away from this one for the foreseeable future).
It's a science fiction/fantasy series (basically, magic existing in a "Luddite" human colony on another planet) set in a matriarchal culture. I've read these books several times, and I've only found one place where she goofs up on the social structure. And I may be misunderstanding that scene. ;D
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