Post by whiteclover on Sept 21, 2010 13:13:00 GMT -5
Hi.
A friend sent me a link to NLQ a long time ago. I've lurked, but did not register until today.
To be honest, I have been overwhelmed by the plethora of stories similar to my own. I feel "stuck" between feeling healed and released and free, yet still feeling a "slow burn" of frustration and anger, not just at what I endured for almost 50 years in fundamentalist / patriarchal settings, but that so many are still entrenched in the quagmire.
I have been shunned, corrected, and told that such teachings do not exist, yet at the same time been offered the platitudes and the glib responses that are typical of the QF / patriarchal / fundamentalist mindset.
My desire is to be free of the anger . . . to be able to "let go" and let them believe what they will.
I've done the whole thing . . . the denim jumper . . . obeyed "the rules" of getting up "while it is yet dark" . . . knowing which detergent was the holiest . . . no make-up or pictures on the walls . . . no hobbies, colours, or "white bread." If you've been there, you know what I mean.
I endured many "deliverance" sessions in an effort to free me of my rebellious and wicked ways and counselling sessions in which my ex-husband manipulated his way out of accountability with godly talk and lies. But the man is ALWAYS right, so the result was always more correction and "loving" discipline for me. Everything that had gone wrong in our life (stillborn baby, chronic illnesses, injuries to dh, unemployment, etc.,) was my fault.
For now, I am finished with the church. I cannot stand to hear "Christian" music and references to "church" and "righteous living" or "Christians" on the TV or IRL literally make me feel sick to my stomach. I'm afraid I appear cynical and embittered, but I'm not, really, just tired of the ongoing deception and manipulation, and wish people would be challenged to "think."
In spite of it all, God has blessed me . . . I am unbelievably happy.
(And I hear the "nay-sayers" proclaiming that God is merely tolerating me, that my very "blessedness" is a sign that "the enemy" no longer harasses me because I've turned away from the truth.)
Thank you.
A friend sent me a link to NLQ a long time ago. I've lurked, but did not register until today.
To be honest, I have been overwhelmed by the plethora of stories similar to my own. I feel "stuck" between feeling healed and released and free, yet still feeling a "slow burn" of frustration and anger, not just at what I endured for almost 50 years in fundamentalist / patriarchal settings, but that so many are still entrenched in the quagmire.
I have been shunned, corrected, and told that such teachings do not exist, yet at the same time been offered the platitudes and the glib responses that are typical of the QF / patriarchal / fundamentalist mindset.
My desire is to be free of the anger . . . to be able to "let go" and let them believe what they will.
I've done the whole thing . . . the denim jumper . . . obeyed "the rules" of getting up "while it is yet dark" . . . knowing which detergent was the holiest . . . no make-up or pictures on the walls . . . no hobbies, colours, or "white bread." If you've been there, you know what I mean.
I endured many "deliverance" sessions in an effort to free me of my rebellious and wicked ways and counselling sessions in which my ex-husband manipulated his way out of accountability with godly talk and lies. But the man is ALWAYS right, so the result was always more correction and "loving" discipline for me. Everything that had gone wrong in our life (stillborn baby, chronic illnesses, injuries to dh, unemployment, etc.,) was my fault.
For now, I am finished with the church. I cannot stand to hear "Christian" music and references to "church" and "righteous living" or "Christians" on the TV or IRL literally make me feel sick to my stomach. I'm afraid I appear cynical and embittered, but I'm not, really, just tired of the ongoing deception and manipulation, and wish people would be challenged to "think."
In spite of it all, God has blessed me . . . I am unbelievably happy.
(And I hear the "nay-sayers" proclaiming that God is merely tolerating me, that my very "blessedness" is a sign that "the enemy" no longer harasses me because I've turned away from the truth.)
Thank you.
