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Post by Guest on Nov 4, 2009 11:38:13 GMT -5
Hi Tapati. I've been following your story for a while, and really appreciate the perspective (my own religion is Hindu). Thank you. Haven't been brave enough to post. But now that anon posting is on for a few days here I am.
My worst body image thing is body hair. I just can't see or accept hair on my legs, underarms or nipples as anything but gross and ugly. My skin reacts badly to shaving so I wax so at least the growing back part happens less often. But it still happens, and I feel horrible every time. And I hate shaving anyway, it feels so masculine. I wish this didn't bother me so much. Do you have any advice?
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Post by MoonlitNight on Nov 4, 2009 17:19:56 GMT -5
My worst body image thing is body hair. I just can't see or accept hair on my legs, underarms or nipples as anything but gross and ugly. My skin reacts badly to shaving so I wax so at least the growing back part happens less often. But it still happens, and I feel horrible every time. And I hate shaving anyway, it feels so masculine. I wish this didn't bother me so much. Do you have any advice? I can sympathize a bit -- I don't like my leg fur either! What I try to remember is that the thoroughly depilated image we're fed by women's magazines and porn is as unnatural as it gets. Women always had body hair and always will. I am also much too busy to think about my unshaven armpits and legs all the time, too. (Design student = 60-100 hours of work per week.) What you say about waxing is making me think of bulimia, with its purging and binging. That's a bad cycle in bulimia and it's probably bad when applied to your body hair. What is it about the hair that you don't like? the colour contrast? the texture? Maybe you can tackle some of the problem without having to annihilate every last hair. For example, if conditioner makes the hair on your head softer, couldn't it help soften your other hair? You said that shaving irritates your skin and that it feels too masculine. I have some ideas on how to change that. What about getting some really good equipment and supplies and turning it into a very feminine ritual? You see, you're probably spraying on goo from a can and using a cheap razor. This is not what your skin wants. The right way to shave is to soak in a hot bath for at least 10 minutes. This softens the hair. Take advantage of the chance to enjoy bath oils or salts or whatever new luxury Lush has dreamed up lately. While you're soaking, your badger hair shaving brush is also having a hot soak in a pretty ceramic bowl. When you're near the end of your soak, it's time to take your scented shaving soap or cream and create a bowlful of delicious-smelling lather. Paint the thick, creamy lather onto your calf with the soft brush, and pick up your classic double-edged razor, which has a very sharp blade that doesn't clog easily, yet doesn't nick you often. With one of these, you can order new blades cheaply enough to have them every couple shaves, and you can feel and control the shave better (after a little practice) than you can with a conventional cartridge razor. A double-edge will get you really, completely smooth. Once you've finished shaving, rinse off, and now pamper your skin by smoothing on a rich, sensually scented lotion or body butter, or if you want to be really decadent, first a coat of aloe gel, and then when that's soaked in, the lotion or butter. Stroke your beautiful legs and enjoy feeding your skin. Better yet, have your sweetheart massage the cream into your skin while you float in being cared for. Afterward, it is the perfect time to relax in bed with a good story and a little treat food, like chocolate, or crackers with goat cheese, or whatever you like best. Doesn't that sound much nicer than the canned goo, a disposable razor that clogs every two strokes, a hurry, and irritated skin afterward? If you can afford it, try to indulge in organic soaps and skin care that use plant butters, oils, and waxes instead of detergents, mineral oil, and technobabble. Making your own is a good option too -- up here in Ontario the price of making the good stuff myself is about half that of buying it. You want to be feeding your skin things like shea butter, cocoa butter, glycerin, honey, avocado oil, and vitamin E. My skin quit putting up with stuff that's 90% water, 6% mineral oil, and 4% who knows what. Try out the good stuff and see how much of a difference it makes for you. If you're interested in where to get all the razors and soaps, I can make some suggestions, most of which I stole from the wet shaving geeks on the net.
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Post by tapati on Nov 4, 2009 19:06:09 GMT -5
Hi Tapati. I've been following your story for a while, and really appreciate the perspective (my own religion is Hindu). Thank you. Haven't been brave enough to post. But now that anon posting is on for a few days here I am. My worst body image thing is body hair. I just can't see or accept hair on my legs, underarms or nipples as anything but gross and ugly. My skin reacts badly to shaving so I wax so at least the growing back part happens less often. But it still happens, and I feel horrible every time. And I hate shaving anyway, it feels so masculine. I wish this didn't bother me so much. Do you have any advice? Thank you for your kind words about my story. Our society (or societies as this issue is global these days) really seems to hate any hair that is not on your head, doesn't it! Men used to get a pass but now, thanks mainly to the body-building "look" popularized in large part by Arnold, now Gov. of my state, men are supposed to be hairless and rippling with muscles to boot. My own very hairy husband feels self conscious all the time about his body hair, yet I find it very enjoyable to touch. So it's difficult not to hate something that we're constantly told is unacceptable! I myself haven't shaved my legs in many, many years but I don't have thick hair so this is not a big sacrifice on my part. Only you can decide if you could ever be comfortable doing so. But think for a moment about why we have hair. I mean, there's a reason, right? It's not just arbitrary. Have you ever felt a mosquito on your arm before it bit you? It tickled the hairs on your arm which provided an early warning system. Underarm hair is said to provide a bit of cushion between two pieces of skin that would otherwise rub together uncomfortably. Having ancestors who handed down thicker body hair might mean that they endured colder conditions and the hair helped hold heat in. Nose hair prevents some larger particles from making their way into your lungs. Along comes modern beauty standards that tell us hair is ugly and we must remove it at all costs or we aren't feminine enough. After a zillion commercials and views of models and actresses who are all artificially smooth, we have internalized this artificial standard and so it seems natural. As always, one of the things I recommend when dealing with any aspect of your body you find objectionable or less than lovable is writing a letter to that part and allowing it to answer you. Continue a dialog until you reach some sort of understanding. If you still decide that you prefer to remove your body hair, I like bronwyn's take on the matter. Whether you choose to use a razor or continue to wax, find a way to turn it into a positive ritual rather than an unpleasant reminder of something you hate. It's better to have an action that affirms your beauty and worth rather than approach it with dread, like "Ugh, time to wax that awful hair again." Your body hair is just trying to do its evolutionary job and doesn't want to be unwanted! I hope that helps!
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Post by tapati on Nov 4, 2009 19:06:51 GMT -5
Thank you, bronwyn, what a lovely idea!
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Post by Guest again on Nov 4, 2009 19:48:42 GMT -5
Thank you, both of you, for listening and being so kind. I had never thought of waxing in that way, that's a really helpful insight. To answer your question, I don't like it there at all, I feel I don't look like a woman. I would be interested in your recipe if Tapati doesn't mind you posting it here. The letter idea is something I can try, for sure - it reminds me of an exercise I did in a workshop once where we talked to our inner critics or other parts of us and asked them what they really needed and tried to work out a way to make them feel safe. Thanks very much for your kindness.
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Post by tapati on Nov 4, 2009 20:40:38 GMT -5
Thank you, both of you, for listening and being so kind. I had never thought of waxing in that way, that's a really helpful insight. To answer your question, I don't like it there at all, I feel I don't look like a woman. I would be interested in your recipe if Tapati doesn't mind you posting it here. The letter idea is something I can try, for sure - it reminds me of an exercise I did in a workshop once where we talked to our inner critics or other parts of us and asked them what they really needed and tried to work out a way to make them feel safe. Thanks very much for your kindness. You're welcome! I don't mind at all if bronwyn elaborates on recipes and methods. Anything that helps you feel good about your body is fine with me!
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Post by visualsyntax on Nov 5, 2009 7:56:52 GMT -5
This might be a weird one.
I had a mental breakdown when I was 19 and I gained about 70 lbs in the process. I want the weight off and have been trying to lose the weight but whenever I try to workout, something that I liked to do, I start crying. I literally had to get off of the elliptical after 5 minutes or so.
I constantly feel sick whenever I make a concentrated effort to lose weight. Literally, I will come down with an illness that lasts for several weeks, and any progress I make in exercising gets lost b/c it typically happens a month or two into my workout routine. I'm 5'1" and about 180 lbs and can barely sit comfortably. I miss being active. I get emotionally derailed or just plain sick whenever I try to include more physical activity into my lifestyle. This includes more than just going to the gym.
Any idea what can be causing this?
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Post by tapati on Nov 5, 2009 8:17:02 GMT -5
This might be a weird one. I had a mental breakdown when I was 19 and I gained about 70 lbs in the process. I want the weight off and have been trying to lose the weight but whenever I try to workout, something that I liked to do, I start crying. I literally had to get off of the elliptical after 5 minutes or so. I constantly feel sick whenever I make a concentrated effort to lose weight. Literally, I will come down with an illness that lasts for several weeks, and any progress I make in exercising gets lost b/c it typically happens a month or two into my workout routine. I'm 5'1" and about 180 lbs and can barely sit comfortably. I miss being active. I get emotionally derailed or just plain sick whenever I try to include more physical activity into my lifestyle. This includes more than just going to the gym. Any idea what can be causing this? This is something I hadn't heard of before! Obviously I'm not a doctor but I would consult one to rule things out and/or to brainstorm ways around this or forms of exercise that might not do this to you. It's hard to tell if it's a direct physical problem or if there is some deep level of your psyche that wants to hold onto those pounds as...safety, camouflage or something else. The mind is pretty powerful. You might explore in therapy what the weight means--to each of you. Weight can mean safety from sexual abuse, for example, to some survivors. Maybe you need to feel very safe before your body can drop these extra pounds. To rule out the physical you might try very gentle and short workouts, maybe things you haven't done before like water aerobics which is gentle on the body and joints. You may have to make your diet the centerpiece of your weight loss effort if exercise is still having this effect on you. It is ultimately a matter of calories reduced=weight loss. It isn't good to restrict your intake TOO severely but a healthy diet that is balanced, low in refined sugar, has enough protein and whole grain or vegetable carbs should help. If you find that even a low exercise program with weight loss mostly from reduced intake brings about the same result as before, I'd say that's good evidence that the problem is caused by psychological issues rather than some physical problem. I know it's difficult to be patient with the healing process and therapy--I struggle with depression myself--but that might be your main avenue in that case. I'm sure we all know logically that extra weight does not really mean safety from harassment or sexual assault but our inner self (or selves) is/are not always logical. I do firmly support you in returning to a weight that is better for your frame as I can imagine those extra pounds can be painful for you to carry around. Your body type was obviously not intended to carry them. Thank you for sharing your unique challenge!
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Post by grandmalou on Nov 5, 2009 11:44:57 GMT -5
Tapati; In 2003 I smoked my last cigarette, February 17th. This, after smoking for 41 years. In March, on a lovely Spring evening, my dh and I were sitting in the living room with the doors and windows open, enjoying the fresh air. Suddenly the phone rang, and it was my neighbor just west of our house, calling to tell me "QUICK! Shut your doors and windows! Anhydrous is loose!" For those of you who do not live in farm country, but have ever gotten a serious whiff of Household Ammonia...yeah, well, that's it, only a hundred times stronger. It is the main ingredient of methamphetamines, also. 'Well, my neighbor's kids were home alone...teen agers, but I thought they might need help shutting their doors, etc. and couldn't call them, because they were on their computer. I RAN out the door, and immediately got a humongous snoot full of the foul stuff... Got esophageal ulcers, OUCH! and our doctor put me on STEROIDS! Needless to say, the pounds piled on after that!!! I soak up and KEEP water like a balloon...diuretics help for maybe a day, and then it is back. HELP?
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Post by tapati on Nov 5, 2009 12:07:56 GMT -5
Tapati; In 2003 I smoked my last cigarette, February 17th. This, after smoking for 41 years. In March, on a lovely Spring evening, my dh and I were sitting in the living room with the doors and windows open, enjoying the fresh air. Suddenly the phone rang, and it was my neighbor just west of our house, calling to tell me "QUICK! Shut your doors and windows! Anhydrous is loose!" For those of you who do not live in farm country, but have ever gotten a serious whiff of Household Ammonia...yeah, well, that's it, only a hundred times stronger. It is the main ingredient of methamphetamines, also. 'Well, my neighbor's kids were home alone...teen agers, but I thought they might need help shutting their doors, etc. and couldn't call them, because they were on their computer. I RAN out the door, and immediately got a humongous snoot full of the foul stuff... Got esophageal ulcers, OUCH! and our doctor put me on STEROIDS! Needless to say, the pounds piled on after that!!! I soak up and KEEP water like a balloon...diuretics help for maybe a day, and then it is back. HELP? Oh, ouch! Ammonia burns would be so awful! I hope that is all taken care of at this point. I know I have burn scars on my esophagus and it can be a risk factor for cancer, so watch for any symptoms in that area, like difficulty swallowing. I have no idea what to do for that, there are various medical reasons for water retention. I myself have recently needed a diuretic booster because my heart is just not pumping as well as it used to from damage. Have you had a thorough cardiac workup? Treadmill, imaging etc.? That's one thing to look at when you retain water. Reducing sodium may help with water retention also. But I urge you to get in touch with a doctor for follow up. How is your blood pressure? Once you know what is really going on with your body you can apply both medical and natural remedies.
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Hillary
Full Member
"Quivering Daughters ~ Hope and Healing for the Daughters of Patriarchy" Now Available!
Posts: 129
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Post by Hillary on Nov 5, 2009 15:38:53 GMT -5
Cassie, I love that you described yourself as "lush"!!! I'm going to do that!
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Post by grandmalou on Nov 5, 2009 19:26:00 GMT -5
"Oh, ouch! Ammonia burns would be so awful! I hope that is all taken care of at this point. I know I have burn scars on my esophagus and it can be a risk factor for cancer, so watch for any symptoms in that area, like difficulty swallowing. I have no idea what to do for that, there are various medical reasons for water retention. I myself have recently needed a diuretic booster because my heart is just not pumping as well as it used to from damage. Have you had a thorough cardiac workup? Treadmill, imaging etc.? That's one thing to look at when you retain water. Reducing sodium may help with water retention also. But I urge you to get in touch with a doctor for follow up. How is your blood pressure? Once you know what is really going on with your body you can apply both medical and natural remedies." Thanks, Tapati... I once called EPA many years ago, as we have I think, a 22 percent cancer rate in our town...supposedly EPA is to do investigations if a town is at 3 %! They hemmed and hawed...and got us nowhere. So we have just been pretty dilligent about building up our immune systems and keep on praying we don't fall into the statistics. I 'affectionately ' call the place (our town) Chemical Soupville. We avoid salt almost totally, using Mrs. Dash instead or sea salt. Blood pressure is pretty decent, normal for my age. Had a treadmill test in 1994...passed with flying colors. The only water retention is in my belly, not feet or legs or anywhere else. At night sometimes when I'm lying in bed the damn thing sloshes and sounds like a water bed! Yeah, I know...I need to see a doc. I have about Zip Point Sh-- trust for them...KWIM? LOL Someday I would like to start my own blog just on this subject. Blech!
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mari
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Post by mari on Nov 5, 2009 21:10:33 GMT -5
Sea salt is just as bad for you as regular salt. I only keep salt and a shaker in my house for guests. I refuse to touch the stuff. There's so much of it in what you buy off of store shelves that you eat waaaay more than what you need in a day if you don't check labels - and often even if/when you do.
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em
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Post by em on Nov 5, 2009 23:07:10 GMT -5
Aw, poor grandmalou. My mom's on off and steriods all the time (chronic auto-immune disease), and it's a bitch. And they sure do make you pack on some weight quickly (and as if that's not bad enough, they make you eat a ton too, which only adds to more weight gain). Evil things lol.
Tapati, just out of curiosity, what are some things that have really helped you have a better body image? (For me, I've found there's one little thing that really does make a big difference. Responding to compliments with a smile and "thank you" rather than the need to degrade it in some way. Read it years and years ago in a magazine and thought that will never work ... but it really does. If you don't voice the negative after that positive compliment (ie when a friend tells you those jeans look good don't respond with a "really? you don't think they make my butt look big?" just smile and say thanks), it just seems so much more sincere. Just makes you realize that nearly every compliment you get is sincere and that that person really did want to say something nice about you. Which actually does help you feel better about yourself.) I was just wondering if you had any little tips like that you'd want to share before this is over.
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Post by MoonlitNight on Nov 6, 2009 21:41:34 GMT -5
Thank you, both of you, for listening and being so kind. I had never thought of waxing in that way, that's a really helpful insight. To answer your question, I don't like it there at all, I feel I don't look like a woman. I would be interested in your recipe if Tapati doesn't mind you posting it here. The letter idea is something I can try, for sure - it reminds me of an exercise I did in a workshop once where we talked to our inner critics or other parts of us and asked them what they really needed and tried to work out a way to make them feel safe. Thanks very much for your kindness. By popular request, then. SHAVING KIT:You'll be ordering just about everything in your new shaving kit online: - Double-edge razor, twist to open (TTO) design, with long handle. Check the stores I or the wet shave forums list to find one, or search Ebay for a Lady Gillette in good condition. Double-edge blades are cheap and easy to buy online, but damn sharp. Twist to open means it's easy to unclog by undoing it halfway and rinsing, if waving it under the tap isn't enough. A long handle gives you better reach.
- Shaving soap or cream. I like soap better. There's a list of suppliers at leisureguy.wordpress.com/2006/07/15/shaving-soaps/, and you will find more if you check the wet shave forum reviews and shopping lists.
- Lather bowl. I just use a pretty one, cereal size, from one of the Asian housewares dealers down the block.
- Badger brush. Even the cheap ones are expensive, but it'll take years, maybe decades to wear out.
- Blades. You need the old-fashioned type, like this: www.shavingstuff.com/archives/026428.php. Start by getting a blade sampler pack, from one of the places listed here: leisureguy.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/a-disquisition-on-blade-sampler-packs/. If a blade doesn't work for you, try another of the same just in case there was a lemon. If that brand still sucks, give that pack away, and try the next brand from your sampler pack. You should find at least one acceptable brand, and maybe something that jives perfectly with your body hair, lather, and shaving style. I hated Merkur blades, but have been happy with the Israeli Personnas, Derby, Wilkinson Swedish, and Feather.
Shop lists:www.shavemyface.com/shop.phpwiki.badgerandblade.com/index.php/Shopping_Links_-_By_VendorHow to: I'm not going to write up the entire thing, but I'll give you some links to acquire technique, and the sticky posts or FAQs in the wet shaving forums are sure to have more. Yes, most of the posters are guys, but don't worry about that. The techniques transfer. Why learn things by trial and error when you can benefit from their experience? The critical thing that I can tell you is that if the blade is tugging or dry or otherwise uncomfortable, chances are you're doing it wrong. Adjust your angle, get your lather nice and rich, and don't go against the grain unless the hair is shortish. When the blade is cutting properly you will hear and feel it, with a little practice. And when you are thinking that maybe the blade is getting dull, it probably is. Change it. When you're done, rinse everything: the razor, the brush, the bowl, your legs, to get all the soap off. Oh, and keep the razor and blades in a drier section of the bathroom, to keep away rust. leisureguy.wordpress.com/2006/07/10/a-guide-to-the-gourmet-shaving-experience/www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=2DB6D82F52BA7608www.badgerandblade.com/vb/showthread.php?t=439www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBvG77qSq2gWet shaving forums:www.shavemyface.com/forum/index.phpbadgerandblade.com/vb/
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Post by MoonlitNight on Nov 6, 2009 22:35:54 GMT -5
Thank you, both of you, for listening and being so kind. I had never thought of waxing in that way, that's a really helpful insight. To answer your question, I don't like it there at all, I feel I don't look like a woman. I would be interested in your recipe if Tapati doesn't mind you posting it here. The letter idea is something I can try, for sure - it reminds me of an exercise I did in a workshop once where we talked to our inner critics or other parts of us and asked them what they really needed and tried to work out a way to make them feel safe. Thanks very much for your kindness. Making Skin CreamThere's a ton of information out on the net for this, so supplement my quick guide with Google. You're going to need a very good scale, one that can measure single grams or even less. Thanks to the wonders of microchips, you can probably get one for $20. You'll also need 2 smallish pots, a scraper (to get melted stuff out of the pot and into the jar), a whisk, and a suitable jar to put the stuff in. What you absolutely have to have is this: - a suitable butter, oil, or wax: almond oil, coconut oil, olive oil, cocoa butter, shea butter...those are all good. Beeswax will help stiffen a cream and smells lovely.
- flower, herb or distilled water. You might find rose or orange water at an Indian or Middle Eastern food store.
- emulsifying wax, which you will probably have to buy from a specialty store in person or online.
Heat your oil/wax/butter and emulsifying wax in one pot, and the water in another. when they're all melted, pour one into the other and whisk it until they a) emulsify, and b) cool down enough to stay emulsified. Bronwyn's Seat-of-Pants Skin Cream RecipeI alter this every time I make it, so the amounts are a bit fuzzy. Alter it if it doesn't come out right for your skin. We want to make 100g of cream so that it is easy to calculate ingredients -- each percentage point is a gram except for the oil and honey. I'm allergic to nuts, so I don't use almond oil, but it's traditionally a sought-after cosmetic oil. Oil Phase, 40%- 1-2 capsules Vitamin E
- 7g emulsifying wax (you don't want to waste space on it, but it won't emulsify if there's too little)
- 25g cocoa and/or shea butter
- 9ml avocado oil (Oil is less dense than water so you use a little more in milliliters than the percentage you want.)
- Your choice of essential oils, to taste -- try 10 drops. Whisk in once cream has cooled!
Water Phase, 60%- 10ml honey -- it attracts water to your skin to rehydrate it, smells good, and darker honeys are full of minerals.
- 35ml flower water
- 5ml sodium lactate -- attracts water
- 10ml glycerin -- attracts water
- a few drops of preservative
Thanks to the honey and flower water, this is going to smell nice even if you don't add essential oil. And it is very nourishing for dry skin -- it'll take a while to soak in properly.
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Post by Guest third time on Nov 7, 2009 9:38:15 GMT -5
Oh it can still post anon - thanks Vyckie and Tapati. Now I can say thank you to Bronwyn for sharing so generously, that must have taken you so much time to put together. I'm really grateful. Thank you! Thank you!
Best to you and Tapati and all the other lovely ladies who posted here. I hope we all find a way to feel better soon about all these things we can't help. In my writing (that Tapati suggested), I began to think it was the powerlessness to change this distressing aspect of my body that made it so distressing. Which is why acceptance is so much the key.
Thanks again for accepting me and all the others here. Hugs to all.
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Post by tapati on Nov 7, 2009 13:22:23 GMT -5
I've been resting up for the sake of my health, and today I'm going out of town, but I will answer the final questions and comments tomorrow when I return.
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Post by tapati on Nov 9, 2009 11:04:51 GMT -5
Tapati, just out of curiosity, what are some things that have really helped you have a better body image? (For me, I've found there's one little thing that really does make a big difference. Responding to compliments with a smile and "thank you" rather than the need to degrade it in some way. Read it years and years ago in a magazine and thought that will never work ... but it really does. If you don't voice the negative after that positive compliment (ie when a friend tells you those jeans look good don't respond with a "really? you don't think they make my butt look big?" just smile and say thanks), it just seems so much more sincere. Just makes you realize that nearly every compliment you get is sincere and that that person really did want to say something nice about you. Which actually does help you feel better about yourself.) I was just wondering if you had any little tips like that you'd want to share before this is over. Good question, Em. It's difficult to say which thing helped the most. I think I would say nude modeling for artists but I had to do quite a bit of work to get to the point that I could do it! As you say, learning to take in complements and not immediately reject them was an important step. Stopping the negative self talk playing in my head 24/7 was another. Putting the positive images of large women around my house was also vital. Then I also began taking water aerobics and swimming lessons to find an outlet for exercise. I had plantar fasciitis at the time and so my usual walking was no longer the best way for me to get exercise. I had to get used to being in public in a swimsuit, which paved the way for going nude in front of an artist. I attended a lot of body image workshops and did all the activities and guided visualizations. I moved on to teaching workshops and engaging in political activism. I helped get the Santa Cruz City protection for people from discrimination based on appearance passed. I created discussion groups for people of color and people with disabilities because I could already see that we needed to expand our vision to include other body images issues in addition to weight. Now my challenge is more around how my body feels as I deal with limitations and chronic pain.
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Post by tapati on Nov 9, 2009 11:08:14 GMT -5
Oh it can still post anon - thanks Vyckie and Tapati. Now I can say thank you to Bronwyn for sharing so generously, that must have taken you so much time to put together. I'm really grateful. Thank you! Thank you! Best to you and Tapati and all the other lovely ladies who posted here. I hope we all find a way to feel better soon about all these things we can't help. In my writing (that Tapati suggested), I began to think it was the powerlessness to change this distressing aspect of my body that made it so distressing. Which is why acceptance is so much the key. Thanks again for accepting me and all the others here. Hugs to all. You're welcome! I am glad this was so useful for you and I thank you for sharing something that many women have so much frustration about. Thanks also to bronwyn for sharing recipes and methods to make the process so much more pleasant and self-affirming.
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Dec 17, 2009 15:50:41 GMT -5
Okay ~ here's a question for you, Tapati. I was just thinking that when I look at other people, I see their imperfections ~ and they do not look like groteque monsters to me ~ in fact, I'm much more interested in the actual person and don't really focus on what they look like much, if at all. And sometimes, I see their imperfections and decide that's the very thing I like about them. However, when it comes to my own looks ~ I am not nearly so accepting or forgiving. I feel like when I'm talking to someone, the only thing they are noticing is my teeth ~ and it is so distracting to me. Even though the people I've talked to about say they don't really pay much attention ~ and some people have even told me that they like my teeth (Mz. Sea, for instance) ~ I just can't believe it. So here's the question: What's up with that? Ugh.
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Post by tapati on Dec 17, 2009 18:51:26 GMT -5
Okay ~ here's a question for you, Tapati. I was just thinking that when I look at other people, I see their imperfections ~ and they do not look like groteque monsters to me ~ in fact, I'm much more interested in the actual person and don't really focus on what they look like much, if at all. And sometimes, I see their imperfections and decide that's the very thing I like about them. However, when it comes to my own looks ~ I am not nearly so accepting or forgiving. I feel like when I'm talking to someone, the only thing they are noticing is my teeth ~ and it is so distracting to me. Even though the people I've talked to about say they don't really pay much attention ~ and some people have even told me that they like my teeth (Mz. Sea, for instance) ~ I just can't believe it. So here's the question: What's up with that? Ugh. Aren't we that way with everything, not just appearance? We are constantly scrutinizing ourselves for flaws in our behavior, thoughts, and looks. We have this internal critic that works 24/7 and is always telling us these awful things about ourselves, with the best of intentions of course. (It's to "improve" us.) SARK (amazing artist and author, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy) says we have to give our critics something else to do or send them on a vacation. Some say we internalized critical voices from our childhood. Others say that it is a natural function of our frontal lobe which is the part of our brain that enables us to notice our behavior and think about it and keeps tabs on our appropriateness. These days society tells us that our appearance is something we can and should change to be socially acceptable, rather than simply accepting ourselves as we were made. I also have crooked teeth and many people have told me they didn't notice until I mentioned it. Perhaps they are being kind or perhaps they really didn't notice. I often think that we are all so busy worrying about OUR flaws that we barely notice other people's flaws! (Sole exception: some woman has stolen your man--you will certainly focus on HER flaws! Or do so for a friend in that predicament, in a good gossip session.) I would suggest that you take several photos of yourself with a big, toothy grin and pick out the best of the bunch--then tack them up to a bulletin board or put them on a larger sheet of paper, maybe decorate the paper, and post it on your wall where you can see it every day. You will get used to seeing yourself as you are used to seeing other people in your life with unique little differences (let's not call them flaws, maybe points of interest). See how you feel after 30 days of this and report back. You're going to be doing lots more press engagements and it would be good to get over your self consciousness now. Good luck!
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