|
Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Dec 22, 2009 13:08:16 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by tapati on Dec 22, 2009 14:14:45 GMT -5
In the picture you linked to, I was holding a globe in front of my big belly. But I can see how that might not be obvious. In one painting Heather turned my body into a landscape.
|
|
|
Post by tapati on Dec 22, 2009 14:17:50 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Dec 22, 2009 14:28:49 GMT -5
A little off topic, but the sentence about QF Men made me think: Will we ever hear from an Ex-QF husband/father? Surely there are some and probably some who are gritting their teeth and supporting baby?
I've said this before, but Nancy Campbell gives me the creeps....
|
|
|
Post by redheadedskeptic on Dec 22, 2009 20:36:49 GMT -5
Vyckie, interesting! On the fundamentalist/conservative line we rode, there was the expectation that you have no self-esteem (because that's pride!), but you were supposed to look perfect, too. And be perfect, really. It was horrible because you had to work and work and you weren't ever allowed credit for it. If someone complimented you, you were supposed to give God all the credit for your hard work. And if you didn't have a perfect body, or close enough, you weren't worth as much. An overweight friend of mine was called "she cow" by the ministry majors at my school. Way to show God's love, right!?
|
|
|
Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Dec 22, 2009 21:50:02 GMT -5
Vyckie, interesting! On the fundamentalist/conservative line we rode, there was the expectation that you have no self-esteem (because that's pride!), but you were supposed to look perfect, too. Exactly, Laura According to the anti-self esteem teachings ~ if a person says, "I hate myself because I'm so fat" ~ the correct biblical response would be to say, "No ~ you don't hate yourself. You obviously love yourself so much that you care what you look like. If you hated yourself, you'd be glad that you are fat." Open and shut case right there, by golly.
|
|
|
Post by philosophia on Dec 22, 2009 22:21:57 GMT -5
Wow, I just read this, and yes you look Great! But while in the movement I looked and felt like crap. Although I was doing the right thing, I felt incredibly unattractive. My husband is hypercritical, and, of course, he is the source of all correctness. He is the type who says this looks good and that doesn't . He made fun of my pregnant shape so blatantly that other QF men would actually go out of their way to compliment me and build me up. (Yes, some men are kind) The icing on the cake was when he told my midwife how cute she looked when I was in labor with my 4th child. It was quite a contrast, I suppose. I was bloated like the sta-puff marshmallow man with edema. But, By Golly, some things are better left unsaid! I was entering transition and he went on and on about her hair and her dress, etc. Women who have had natural childbirth know what I'm talking about when I say that at that moment I could have blown off his head with a bazooka!
|
|
|
Post by arietty on Dec 22, 2009 22:37:31 GMT -5
Oh Phil I know what you mean.. my ex was a total asshole about looks. He basically wanted me to look downtrodden, and I did. He would actually argue with people who complimented me after I lost a lot of weight and tell them I looked exactly the same.
IME Vyckie there were two strong pulls on QF women. One was the "living sacrifice" deal where you had no self esteem because that was pride. The other was the whole "temple of the holy spirit" deal where you were expected to be a good witness by looking good. It was actually impossible to do both these things but the pressure was on to do them for some women.
|
|
|
Post by formerquiverfuller on Dec 23, 2009 1:45:18 GMT -5
Mine was too. It was a weird combo of messages. I was supposed to NOT look good for anyone else...yet at the same time, he'd want me to wear slinky things to bed. Over time, I literally began to believe the constant messages that I was not pretty. The first year I left him, I actually spent a lot of time staring at myself in the mirror. I know that sounds vain, but... It was like I couldn't help it! I couldn't believe that I was...pretty...but the lady in the mirror was pretty! Pretty, even after all those years. Pretty, even with the little wrinkles...Which made me feel so sad for the years of my young adulthood, which were spent feeling frumpy and aged (well, plus, I was so exhausted trying to keep up with perfection that who had time to care, anyway?) when, it turns out, I was actually pretty. Anyways..... I'm sure there are QF moms who really do feel pretty. I would imagine having a wonderful husband would do a lot. But for those of us who had abusive husbands, well, part of the deal is that they can't have us knowing that we're desirable. That's part of the game. We "need" them...we "couldn't make it" without them...our worth is determined by how well we are serving them (which is equated to how well we are serving God)...so who really cares about physical looks. Who's got time for such silly things? *sigh* I think the thing that is hardest for me to accept now is how STUPID it all was, how stupid it all seems. It is hard to forgive myself for getting caught up in it all and believing all those lies, at such great great and terrible cost (to my own inner and outer self....and to the children I brought into such a situation). I have grace for myself...I did the best I knew to do, under the circumstances...but I still wish I would have woken up, earlier. I blame conservative Christianity for that part. If it hadn't been for the theological element of "wifely submission," he wouldn't have got away with so much of what he did.
|
|
|
Post by juliacat on Dec 23, 2009 17:29:12 GMT -5
Women who have had natural childbirth know what I'm talking about when I say that at that moment I could have blown off his head with a bazooka! I know what you're talking about the natural childbirth in transition thing, but I can't imagine someone's husband saying that! That's awful! This is sort of like the message I got after breastfeeding my older daughter for 2 years. I didn't do anything great for her, I just met the bare minimum qualifications of mothering.
|
|
|
Post by pennygirl on Dec 24, 2009 12:05:33 GMT -5
Supah Sexy photo! and such smooth skin.. that is the first thing that seems to go I'm on an incest thought pattern (sick I know) .. since I just posted about the FDL creepiness, it is in my mind So say the women can flab out all they want and see it as glorifying God.. Men aren't blind.. Do they find that attractive? I only see this mentality of not taking care of ones figure as a ticket for creepy men to start eyeballing their own tight bodied daughters or their friends or the girls sitting in front of them at church while their cow of a wife is prego once again perhaps this is why the FDL folks marry 14 year olds? figure they will get 10 good body years out of them and then can take on another young sweetie when her body goes? When I was in my crazy (non quiver) Holiness church I don't care if you wore dresses to the floor and to the finger tips and too the chin.. Those young girls would wear them TIGHT .. and have that beautiful hair in spiral curls draping down their back and wore very delicious fragrances.. Now how can a man with a tub of lard (sorry I am being mean) wife with her hair half out because she is malnourished from having allthose kids and too tired to do anything but pull the stragely greasy mess up into a bun.. with a frock NOT eyeball them young girls? even if just in their minds and women aren't stupid.. they gotta know their husbands are leering.. and what can they do? They cant spruce up or it is a sin.. aye vay
|
|
|
Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Dec 24, 2009 12:51:18 GMT -5
I only see this mentality of not taking care of ones figure as a ticket for creepy men to start eyeballing their own tight bodied daughters or their friends or the girls sitting in front of them at church while their cow of a wife is prego once again ... and women aren't stupid.. they gotta know their husbands are leering.. and what can they do? They cant spruce up or it is a sin.. aye vay pennygirl ~ you are right ~ it's a total no-win scenario for QF women. This is one reason why I was grateful to be married to a blind man ~ even though it meant that he could not appreciate my good looks (which I was in doubt of anyway) ~ it also meant that I didn't have to worry about him checking out the younger/better-looking women. Of course, all this is predicated on the assumption that appreciative looking at attrative women is sick and sinful ~ you know, whoever looks at a woman lustfully ... And I was totally guilty of this mindset. We went to one fundamentalist church where the pastor was tall, dark, good-looking ~ and he was married to a woman who was a little older, but actually looked quite a bit older than him ~ he had jet black hair while hers was silver-grey. She had borne this man 6 children ~ and although she was not what anyone would call "fat" or dumpy ~ no one who looked at her would be surprised to learn that she had 6 children ~ several of them college-age. So one day at church, I noticed this new lady ~ slim, shortish-sleek blonde hair, professional makeup and very stylish clothes. She really looked out of place. Imagine my surprise to discover that this was the pastor's wife ~ all made over and looking HOT! Well ~ it really bothered me, because I kept thinking about how insecure she must have felt being an older woman married to her young-looking, attractive husband. And so to me, it seemed obvious that the new look was her effort to keep her husband's interest. I told Angel, "I'd bet money that the pastor has a pornography problem and that's why his wife is so concerned about her looks." And then, with this couple in mind, wrote in my newspaper: The Pornographic Mind"If we place pornography and the tyranny of slenderness alongside one another we have the two most significant obsessions of our culture, and both of them focused upon a woman's body." -Kim Chernin The media's ruthless saturation of dreamlike beauties everywhere we look is calculated to instill among both sexes a sense of dissatisfaction of women. It is designed to trap women in the impossible pursuit of physical perfection. It is designed to entice men into more lurid forms of pornography. This evil campaign has been profitable indeed. In a poll by People magazine 80% of women reported that the images of women on TV, in movies, fashion magazines and advertising make them feel insecure about their looks. In addition, the poll indicated that women are made to feel so insecure that they are willing to try diets that pose health risks (34%), go "under the knife" (34%) and 93% indicated they had made various and repeated attempts to lose weight to measure up to the images. Promise Keepers reports that one out of three men who attended its rallies in 1996 admitted they "struggle" with pornography. 63% of men attending "Men, Romance & Integrity Seminars" admit to struggling with porn in the past year. Two-thirds are in church leadership and 10% are pastors. (Source: Pastor's Family Bulletin, Focus on the Family, March 2000) That's a lot of perversion, young ladies - and we're talking about church-going men here. With such a high percentage of the men "struggling" with pornography, is it any wonder that their wives are perpetually dieting, dressing immodestly and obsessing about their looks? The next time you think about that insanely skinny lady at church don't get jealous - rather, have sympathy because most likely she is desperately jumping through the degrading hoops of perversion in an effort to please her porn-addicted man. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm ashamed to realize how judgemental I was and how I perpetuated the no-win dilemma in which women are hated if they accept their bodies "as is" and they are hated if they make changes.
|
|
benk
New Member
Posts: 4
|
Post by benk on Dec 24, 2009 14:28:23 GMT -5
It seems like there is an odd combination of surrender of one's body, and responsibility for it.
On the one hand, one gives up control of it to someone else - God (or perhaps, in reality, one's husband). Yet, one is expected to exercise rigorous control over it, how it dresses, how it behaves with other people, how it looks. And one is judged for how well one does this, not it's "owner".
So, on the one hand your body is so negligible to your true self as to be expendable or able to be given to someone else, but on the other hand it so completely defines you as to be a guide to your moral state.
I guess it's no revelation to find self-contradiction and impossible-to-win situations in the Quiverful mindset.
Benk
|
|
|
Post by madame on Dec 26, 2009 17:35:12 GMT -5
Vyckie, YOu are very beautiful!
One QF minded mother I know (she has 6 children) told me once that she hates the talk of "me time", and she can't understand how mothers put so much time and effort into getting back into shape. For her, the extra pounds and "motherly" body are part of the sacrifice. I have fought hard to get back into shape. But I'd never judge a mother (or any other woman!) for not doing so. I reserve my right to stay trim, and I do it for myself. My early morning exercise time is me-time!
I think the problem lies in the mentality. My QF friend would be lauded in qf circles because she has the right mentality: sacrifice. I'd be despised for doing something for myself, for being vain, and for having such a thing as me-time!
I agree with you, Vyckie, that bearing children ought to make us appreciate our bodies more, even the scars that show what they have been through. Wendy J's comment is sad.
|
|
|
Post by kisekileia on Dec 27, 2009 10:05:13 GMT -5
This thread is really hard to find. Could we have it in the section for new posts?
Also, Vyckie, you look beautiful in that picture!
|
|
|
Post by pandapaws on Dec 27, 2009 21:18:19 GMT -5
Supah Sexy photo! and such smooth skin.. that is the first thing that seems to go I'm on an incest thought pattern (sick I know) .. since I just posted about the FDL creepiness, it is in my mind So say the women can flab out all they want and see it as glorifying God.. Men aren't blind.. Do they find that attractive? I only see this mentality of not taking care of ones figure as a ticket for creepy men to start eyeballing their own tight bodied daughters or their friends or the girls sitting in front of them at church while their cow of a wife is prego once againperhaps this is why the FDL folks marry 14 year olds? figure they will get 10 good body years out of them and then can take on another young sweetie when her body goes? When I was in my crazy (non quiver) Holiness church I don't care if you wore dresses to the floor and to the finger tips and too the chin.. Those young girls would wear them TIGHT .. and have that beautiful hair in spiral curls draping down their back and wore very delicious fragrances.. Now how can a man with a tub of lard (sorry I am being mean) wife with her hair half out because she is malnourished from having allthose kids and too tired to do anything but pull the stragely greasy mess up into a bun.. with a frock NOT eyeball them young girls? even if just in their minds and women aren't stupid.. they gotta know their husbands are leering.. and what can they do? They cant spruce up or it is a sin.. aye vay Something about this post rubs me wrong. There will always be someone prettier than you are, more in shape than you are, younger than you are. Even the world's most beautiful women get cheated on. The nicest women get cheated on. It almost sounds like blaming the victim to me. Especially the part I put in bold. "Creepy men" will do this regardless of how perfect of a wife they have.
|
|
|
Post by arietty on Dec 28, 2009 0:46:32 GMT -5
Supah Sexy photo! and such smooth skin.. that is the first thing that seems to go I'm on an incest thought pattern (sick I know) .. since I just posted about the FDL creepiness, it is in my mind So say the women can flab out all they want and see it as glorifying God.. Men aren't blind.. Do they find that attractive? I only see this mentality of not taking care of ones figure as a ticket for creepy men to start eyeballing their own tight bodied daughters or their friends or the girls sitting in front of them at church while their cow of a wife is prego once again perhaps this is why the FDL folks marry 14 year olds? figure they will get 10 good body years out of them and then can take on another young sweetie when her body goes? When I was in my crazy (non quiver) Holiness church I don't care if you wore dresses to the floor and to the finger tips and too the chin.. Those young girls would wear them TIGHT .. and have that beautiful hair in spiral curls draping down their back and wore very delicious fragrances.. Now how can a man with a tub of lard (sorry I am being mean) wife with her hair half out because she is malnourished from having allthose kids and too tired to do anything but pull the stragely greasy mess up into a bun.. with a frock NOT eyeball them young girls? even if just in their minds and women aren't stupid.. they gotta know their husbands are leering.. and what can they do? They cant spruce up or it is a sin.. aye vay "tub of lard" "cow of a wife" This is a disgusting post. WTF do you think you are doing on this forum posting all this misogyny? Do NOT talk about women like that. Posts about body image and the effects of having babies are not an invitation to you to snark and sneer and demean women.
|
|
|
Post by tapati on Dec 28, 2009 5:17:52 GMT -5
Well, pennygirl, as long as my husband finds me hot--and I him--I'll continue on as a tub of lard.
|
|
|
Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Dec 28, 2009 9:22:54 GMT -5
Supah Sexy photo! and such smooth skin.. that is the first thing that seems to go I'm on an incest thought pattern (sick I know) .. since I just posted about the FDL creepiness, it is in my mind So say the women can flab out all they want and see it as glorifying God.. Men aren't blind.. Do they find that attractive? I only see this mentality of not taking care of ones figure as a ticket for creepy men to start eyeballing their own tight bodied daughters or their friends or the girls sitting in front of them at church while their cow of a wife is prego once againperhaps this is why the FDL folks marry 14 year olds? figure they will get 10 good body years out of them and then can take on another young sweetie when her body goes? When I was in my crazy (non quiver) Holiness church I don't care if you wore dresses to the floor and to the finger tips and too the chin.. Those young girls would wear them TIGHT .. and have that beautiful hair in spiral curls draping down their back and wore very delicious fragrances.. Now how can a man with a tub of lard (sorry I am being mean) wife with her hair half out because she is malnourished from having allthose kids and too tired to do anything but pull the stragely greasy mess up into a bun.. with a frock NOT eyeball them young girls? even if just in their minds and women aren't stupid.. they gotta know their husbands are leering.. and what can they do? They cant spruce up or it is a sin.. aye vay My understanding of this post is that pennygirl was imagining how the "creepy men" would be justifying in their heads their perverse attraction to their own daughters. She had just posted in another thread about FDL: nolongerquivering.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=open&action=display&thread=612&page=1#9528 ~ men marrying 14 year olds, incest, etc. (which she acknowledges is "sick") ~ and I'm pretty sure that pennygirl is not saying it is okay for these men to see the mothers of their many children as fat "tubs of lard" and then, because they feel entitled to enjoy a tight, young girl's body ~ these pervs go after their teenage daughters. Pennygirl was also pointing out the catch 22 for the women, who are considered worldly and less spiritually-minded if they do take care of their bodies, dress nicely, wear makeup, etc. in an effort to keep their husbands' attention. Just wanted to clarify and come to pennygirl's defense because from all she's written here on the forum, it's apparent to me that her post has been misunderstood ~ pennygirl is not a misogynist. Here's her intro ~ to help us remember who Jen is: nolongerquivering.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=intro&action=display&thread=363
|
|
|
Post by tapati on Dec 28, 2009 13:24:54 GMT -5
Vyckie, I think women have a lot of internalized fat phobia, and this is evident in the very intro you just directed us to:
it is not a sin to not want your belly to fold into rolls
Her statement "men aren't blind" leads me to believe that she has thoroughly bought into the notion that fat is ugly and both men and women find it to be so. It's a cultural assumption we are all raised to believe in Western society at this point in history--though it hasn't always been the standard. She appears to be saying that it's bad that these women don't believe they should "take care of their figure" and therefore these men are likely to lust after others. She is clearly writing as if the women should wake up and realize this and break out of their frumpy mindset before it's too late.
I'm sure if she means it another way she can correct our impressions.
|
|
|
Post by jemand on Dec 28, 2009 13:41:35 GMT -5
Vyckie, I think women have a lot of internalized fat phobia, and this is evident in the very intro you just directed us to: it is not a sin to not want your belly to fold into rollsHer statement "men aren't blind" leads me to believe that she has thoroughly bought into the notion that fat is ugly and both men and women find it to be so. It's a cultural assumption we are all raised to believe in Western society at this point in history--though it hasn't always been the standard. She appears to be saying that it's bad that these women don't believe they should "take care of their figure" and therefore these men are likely to lust after others. She is clearly writing as if the women should wake up and realize this and break out of their frumpy mindset before it's too late. I'm sure if she means it another way she can correct our impressions. Tapati, I think there is a world of difference between accepting one's roundish shape because you recognize that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and you are a special person--- and thinking you DESERVE to be ugly and picking your current society's definition of that as what you have too look like or you are vain and sinning. But as a reply to Vyckie's post directly above yours, even good people can come up with posts that are real doozies, and I do think that's what pennygirl did here. That post really... came across badly.
|
|
|
Post by tapati on Dec 28, 2009 13:51:52 GMT -5
Tapati, I think there is a world of difference between accepting one's roundish shape because you recognize that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and you are a special person--- and thinking you DESERVE to be ugly and picking your current society's definition of that as what you have too look like or you are vain and sinning.
Oh yes, I see them as two issues that deserve separate recognition. In one case, everything about your body is to be martyred and sacrificed, including your very health, to live up to some religious ideal. We can certainly argue about the philosophy and legitimacy of that belief system!
One would have to break out of that system before we could even begin to talk about positive body image as I understand it. One can't really mix the two. And suggesting to women in that system still that they must defeat their flab or their husbands are going to stray with some young woman in their household or congregation...well I can't see that accomplishing anything positive in terms of breaking through these women's beliefs at all. They would just say their godly husbands would never behave that way and that the Lord is in control of their bodies or some such thing.
I also hope that pennygirl didn't mean her post the way it sounded.
|
|
|
Post by Sierra on Dec 28, 2009 14:40:09 GMT -5
Vyckie, I think women have a lot of internalized fat phobia, and this is evident in the very intro you just directed us to: it is not a sin to not want your belly to fold into rollsHer statement "men aren't blind" leads me to believe that she has thoroughly bought into the notion that fat is ugly and both men and women find it to be so. It's a cultural assumption we are all raised to believe in Western society at this point in history--though it hasn't always been the standard. She appears to be saying that it's bad that these women don't believe they should "take care of their figure" and therefore these men are likely to lust after others. She is clearly writing as if the women should wake up and realize this and break out of their frumpy mindset before it's too late. I'm sure if she means it another way she can correct our impressions. I absolutely agree with you, tapati. I've read pennygirl's other posts and doubt that her intent was malicious - but that doesn't change the fact that her words were. Cow? Lard? Way to dehumanize women who are already dehumanized by their belief system - on the basis of looks? Should we seriously have less sympathy for them because they are not conventionally attractive? While I think the bulk of pennygirl's rage here was directed against the system that actively prohibited women from looking after their own appearances, I don't find this phrasing at all appropriate. Yes, I'm willing to bet many women (influenced as they are by cultural norms as much as they fight against them) would love the go-ahead to spend time taking care of their hair, picking out nice clothes and exercising. I know that they are constrained by their beliefs not to "indulge" in "primping" activities that could boost their self-esteem. But this does not for one second excuse the men who demand physical "perfection" on top of absolute service. We need to separate two concepts that have been wrongly conflated in pennygirl's post: commitment and lust. Attraction is pretty damn fleeting for any couple, no matter how good looking the wife: Tiger Woods, anyone? The strength of character and commitment of a husband to be faithful to his wife has absolutely nothing to do with her looks and everything to do with what kind of person he is. The type of man who is unfaithful to his "frumpy" wife and feels entitled to take young, "tight" (oh, how I hate that descriptor) women to bed against his marriage vows is the kind of man who fundamentally lacks respect for women. You can't see your wife as a person and think of her only as a worn-out carcass. You can't see that younger woman as a person and think of her as a nice firm ass. Sorry. That kind of thinking does not need to be justified or explained, as in pennygirl's post, because it's inherently misogynistic and dehumanizing (but I repeat myself). Finally, let me share an anecdote about fat - something I recently encountered as an international student in Europe and that blew my mind. One of my housemates is Ghanian, and we were talking about some of the photos I've got sitting around the house. One of them was of my study abroad group from two years ago, in this same country. He looked at it and commented, "You've gained weight." I spent a few hours turning this over in my mind, desperately trying to find an explanation other than that he had deliberately meant to offend me. Finally I confronted him, intending either to solve the puzzle or just assert boundaries and avoid future insult. My housemate was genuinely shocked and apologized profusely. In Ghana, he explained, what he said would be taken very positively - it was a compliment suggesting that a person had grown in health. If you've lost weight in Ghana, evidently, people are likely to be worried about you! I was delighted, humbled and surprised to find that the Western obsession with thinness hadn't spread to everyone just yet. There are parts of the world in which getting into a size 2 is something to be avoided!
|
|
|
Post by AustinAvery on Dec 28, 2009 15:32:24 GMT -5
To stray off topic slightly, I am amazed that there are any women who have the endurance to remain in the QF system for long.
As I recall, the quintessence of all of that 70s pop-psychology (which is still with us in the self-help section of your local bookstore), was that you can't really love someone else until you learn to love yourself. A similar analogy--perhaps not the best but effective--was that we should consider ourselves like buckets: you can give of yourself only so long until you need to be filled (fulfilled) in your own right.
From reading this and earlier posts, I have yet to come upon any effort in the QF movement to either encourage women to love themselves on an emotional level (be that their bodies or otherwise), or to seek to fulfill themselves on a psychological level. The movement in many ways seems to say to women, you are little more than vessels. So to add, "and you're an unattractive vessel at that," is to add insult to . . . injury insidious degredation.
Kudos to all of you for having simply survived long enough to get out.
|
|
|
Post by ashmeadskernal on Dec 28, 2009 15:44:07 GMT -5
Perhaps a re-viewing of "Killing Us Softly 3" is in order (free online somewhere). How advertising images on TV tell women what they should want to look like and be like.
It's not just advertising images, it's in the doctor's office too. Lose weight to be healthy! Lose that baby weight using this exercise class! Lose that baby weight using this special diet method, in order to lower your blood pressure and cholesterol! Buy now! Are you overweight? How do you measure up against your BMI?
Or the news headlines: Schools ban chocolate milk because students are overweight and they don't need the sugar. (Insert celebrity name here) still looks a bit chunky 6 months post-partum, but has hired a personal trainer and a baby nanny in order to get back into shape in order to go on tour! Walkable cities' residents are skinnier! Aspartame makes you hungry!
And... I don't know how much p0rn videos you've ever watched in your life... but... to say that these images and expectations that surround us have no effect on self-image would be completely ridiculous.
And most people have to have it pointed out to them. No, there actually is such a thing as too skinny. No, your weight and how healthy you feel are not necessarily related. It is a serious "judgment" problem. "I feel like such a cow." "The only person who lifts the fork to her mouth is her." "My Gawd, she's really let herself go." And other snarky comments that really don't help. Help with what? The other person to lose weight? Like there really is an ideal weight, and all of these other people have fallen short of the glory of God their approved position on the BMI chart?
But in the end, every successful lifestyle change starts with an ideal. I would argue that the ideal is not weight, can't be a picture or a number on a scale. It starts with valueing yourself. "I am worthy of being treated with respect, and treating myself with respect." How can a quiverful adherent ever be treating themselves with respect, finding themselves worthy of self-love just as they are (Ugh, damn religious language triggers there), if they are putting their health and sense of self-worth in God's hands instead of their own? It is not "I will be worthy of respect when I'm skinny, or have birthed and raised however many children God has given me (or insert other perfectionistic idealistic behavior here)". It is "I am worthy of respect right now."
Funny, I thought cows were sacred? And lard sure does taste good...
|
|