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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on May 1, 2009 14:31:37 GMT -5
I have been so incredibly tired all week ~ so haven't been able to do much with the NLQ blog and forums. My counselor, Deb tells me what I'm experiencing is some common symptoms related to PTSD ~ extreme exhaustion, and my low blood pressure problems are back which makes me feel like my blood is made of lead and when I try to sleep, I startle awake and then my heart pounds and my head aches. Ugh. It's been a while since I've felt so awful ~ and having this reminder of just how physically run down I used to be all the time, I just can't imagine how I kept going back then. Hazelle is home from school today because someone at her school is suspected of having swine flu ~ so they shut down for the day so they could disinfect the whole school. Yikes. Since she's here at home, I asked her to straighten up the kitchen and livingroom ~ and I fully intended to work with her ~ but, I'm just so tired that I went and laid down instead. Later this afternoon, I'll take the younger kids to Warren for visitation ~ so I have this weekend mostly free. I usually spend my free weekends at John's house ~ it's always a nice little break 'cuz he does all the cooking and he reads to me while I do my nails and we watch movies together. I'm afraid this weekend, I'm just going to sleep the whole time. Wow ~ it really is hard to be so barely functioning. Can't wait for my energy to return. In the meantime, it's a relief to know that you all are carrying on here ~ lots of support and good discussions going on ~ thanks! Laura's planning a new NLQ post tomorrow ~ and I'll be back to writing ... soon? I hope! Take care.
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Post by rosa on May 1, 2009 15:09:38 GMT -5
Sorry you're so tired, Vyckie. I hope everyone feels better soon, including you! And remember to have compassion with yourself when the PTSD hits you - we all certainly do.
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marie
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Post by marie on May 1, 2009 19:00:40 GMT -5
Hope you get your rest this weekend. Good man, that John.
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Post by kisekileia on May 2, 2009 1:04:54 GMT -5
I have had the exhaustion from PTSD as well, though it was compounded by hypothyroidism (which was discovered shortly after the trauma and took some time to treat) and probably also delayed sleep phase syndrome. I wonder if it's a result of being made run down physically as part of the trauma, which also happened to me.
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Post by grandmalou on May 2, 2009 9:19:17 GMT -5
Dearest Kidly; There are many smiley face characters on here to choose from, but no ((((huggies)))), so will invent my own...although I've seen these done by others So hope you are getting a well deserved rest... I know many are worried about this 'swine flu' stuff...so, as an advocate of natural healing which I believe begins with prevention, may I share these thoughts with all of you? We visited Grandpa's doctor the other day...he's about Grandpa's age, in fact (78)...also a VA doctor, named Dr. Nutt! LOL, and he IS one! Anyway, he says the media is really piling it on thick over this, blowing it way out of proportion...so what else is new? He stressed hand wash, hand wash, hand wash...I suggest carrying Germex...love that stuff! All it is is alcohol and glycerine, but since recovering from MRSA a year ago, it goes wherever I go...even used some on a Q tip to cure my kitties of ear mites... which brings me to another point...few people know that 'bugs' can enter your body through your ears! Viral bugs, I mean. So if you've been out and about, might want to consider swabbing your ears with the stuff. Cover coughs and sneezes, and the new recommendation is to cough into your elbow rather than your hand...makes sense to me...keep your hands away from your eyes, ears, nose, mouth. TAKE GARLIC CAPSULES before and after contact with other folks...get the kind that SMELL like garlic...don't laugh and give me that cr--about the stuff scaring off all your friends...give them some too, and you can all smell like garlic, but your immune system will thank you for it when the flu just sails on by... Love to all, and STAY WELL! That's an order! Grandma here...over and out planting some more garlic LOL
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lectio
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Post by lectio on May 2, 2009 10:59:12 GMT -5
(((hugs)))
So sorry that you're feeling poorly.
I suffered a full body break-down a few years ago. It was like my body just quit. I am 100% certain it was living with all that adrenalin pumping through my system. An abusive environment, say studies, WILL make women sick. In my case, my central nervous system just started going wacko. It was FREAKY.
One of the things that was affected worse was my sleep. And that was just plain horrible. The stress of my situation was bad enough, you know, then I start not being able to sleep well? I had the most difficult time going to sleep ever...and during the worst months of illness, the most difficult time STAYING asleep. I would be really sleepy, but I would jump at any and every sound, I would wake up with a start at any thing, and then my mind would start racing with all these horrible "what-if" situations and getting back to sleep would be almost impossible...sometimes I would just lay there and cry (with my sleeping husband beside me). I'd be so dog-tired but it was like my body was on hyper-alert and couldn't settle down.
I realize now those were panic attacks (had never had those in my entire life until I lived with an abusive man for 10 years and my body said, "enough" and quit working)! Once I figured out what they were, I was able to *not* go there---meaning, I knew that the desire to panic was a physiological problem making me FEEL like there was a real problem, but that there was not anything "real" worth panicking over...but I could feel them wanting to come on irregardless of what I wanted---the tightning of my chest, the panicky feeling, the fight-or-flight reaction...deep long slow breaths helped them stop...I still get them, every once in awhile, but rarely now...
I still do have sleep problems, but on a much lower level. The person who diagnosed me w/ a central nervous system "collapse" of sorts (finally, after visiting about 5 professionals with my crazy symptoms) said that it would take a couple years AT LEAST to slowly heal up from the damage of the stressful environment, and so far that's been the case...
On sleep, I figured out a cool trick!
I keep my ipod loaded with interesting things---good podcasts, audio books from the library, etc. As soon as I turn off the lights, I put my ipod earphones in (on lowest possible volume) and focus in on the podcast (whether it's This American Life or Steve Brown Etc or Newsweek or Democracy Now or whatever). It helps my mind focus in on one thing and 9 times out of 10, it knocks me out within 15 minutes.
Without that, I'm looking at a few hours, at least, before I can calm my mind down enough to go to sleep (I don't have the worst of the symptoms anymore, but I still do have a lot of difficulty getting to sleep). I don't know if the ipod trick would help anyone else, but wowzers, it's been great for me. And having SLEEP, beautiful precious sleep, as we all know, helps so much with everything, especially the over-all physical healing and everything else.
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lectio
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Post by lectio on May 2, 2009 11:09:45 GMT -5
Wow, Vyckie, I never considered if PTSD might be part of what happened to me with regards to sleep, etc. I actually *joked* that I had PTSD, but I never thought I actually might have. This article is really informative: www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/sleepPTSD.html
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on May 2, 2009 11:54:20 GMT -5
Wow, Vyckie, I never considered if PTSD might be part of what happened to me with regards to sleep, etc. I actually *joked* that I had PTSD, but I never thought I actually might have. This article is really informative: www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/sleepPTSD.htmlAt a post-partum check-up after Hazelle's very traumatic delivery, I picked up a magazine in the waiting room and read through an article on PTSD ~ there was a self-quiz included and I answered "Yes" to every single question ~ "Guess that's what I've got," I thought. BUT ~ I was so focused on biblical solutions ~ and I'd been taught by Dave Hunt and company to be ever-so-wary of psychology ~ so I never really gave a lot of thought to PTSD. The sleep problems that I've experienced REALLY made my whole situation worse. I have never had any problem falling asleep ~ I've always been so exhausted that I drop off immediately. The problem is that as soon as I'm asleep, my blood pressure drops and then I feel like I am SO asleep that it's uncomfortable ~ I feel like I'm either spinning or falling ~ which makes me so dizzy and I want to wake up ~ but I can't. So I spend the whole time that I'm asleep trying to wake up. Any outside disturbance though makes me startle ~ then my blood pressure goes up and that feels worse to me than when it's low ~ because I'm used to feeling like a zombie ~ but when my BP goes up, I feel like I've drank a bunch of expresso and I get nervous and shaky ~ ugh! It didn't take long for my nerves to heal once Warren was out of the house (for a reason which I'll tell more about in my story) ~ so it's been quite a while since I've felt this way ~ and it really sucks! I can totally relate to the panic attacks ~ I get gripped by fear and in my mind, I know there's no reason to be so scared, but my body just panics anyway. I used to pray when that happened ~ hoping that "giving it to the Lord" would calm me down ~ but it didn't actually help ~ now I do the deep breathing and eat extra protein because I think my blood sugar has something to do with the panicky feelings. It's interesting to me that my "by the Book" mentality so often prevented me from seeking real solutions ~ if it wasn't in the bible (where in scripture will you find PTSD?), it never really entered my mind ~ weird, huh? That's why I say that I never shut off my brain as a Christian ~ just confined my brain ~ and it was going, going, going like a hamster on a wheel ~ nowhere productive.
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Post by arietty on May 3, 2009 8:13:53 GMT -5
After I left my abusive ex I had a lot of anxiety attacks. Sometimes it was so bad I couldn't bring myself to leave the house. I tried once when I was in that state to go out as I read somewhere that it would help but I barely made it home. While these sometimes appeared to come out of the blue they were most often triggered by things to do with my ex. Having to call the child support agency about ANYTHING. Any kind of official form arriving in the mail. Filling out those forms. Anything to do with lawyers. I could not watch an ad on tv for the show Law and Order as the sight of a courtroom would trigger anxiety.
I felt like such a failure, so just.. awful and stupid and fragile. And I had already done the horribly hard part, I had left! So why was I beset like this?
And then one day it occurred to me that my ex had spent 15 years making sure I was afraid of him. And that he had succeeded. And any thing that reminded me of his power over me or potential power over me was going to induce that raw fear because I had been trained that way.
That realization helped. It also helped to see the anxiety as something I had to pass through to get over, both in the individual instances and as a whole.
It's ten years later and I still get anxiety about certain things, such as forms or calling the child support people but it is no longer crippling. I do manage to push through it now and it passes quicker. I am not a person inclined towards anxiety at all.. it is damage that has caused it and it has yet to fully heal. Whether I will be left with that damage for the rest of my life, I do not know.
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Post by themomma on May 3, 2009 22:29:26 GMT -5
Wow, I have PTSD, too but I never realized how many areas it can affect!
The blood sugar one was interesting. I was diagnosed with diabetes (personally I think it is because of all the years living on adrenaline and it just destroyed my pancreas). But before I was diagnosed I was sleeping horribly. While it is under control and not too high at night, I sleep really well. If it gets too high I tend to wake up a long time before I want to get up and then finally get sleepy about the time I need to get up.
The other thing was things like forms triggering anxiety. I never thought of that as the reason sometimes I just cannot force myself to do certain things like that but it fits!
When ever things start to get too stressfull, like I take on too many projects, have too much contact with my "ex"cult members, money issues, etc, I will have panic attacks at night...
Wow, this is really been an eye opener, thanks for everybody sharing their stories.
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