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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Sept 8, 2010 12:58:46 GMT -5
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Post by rosa on Sept 8, 2010 17:36:00 GMT -5
I can't wait to see more of it written up!
Vyckie, fyi, comments are open on that one on the blog.
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Sept 8, 2010 17:46:11 GMT -5
I can't wait to see more of it written up! Vyckie, fyi, comments are open on that one on the blog. Thanks, Rosa ~ ! I closed it ~ I think it's better to restrict comments on the NLQ stories to forum members only.
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Post by lvgdandppl on Sept 8, 2010 18:10:33 GMT -5
LivingForEternity, I can relate to you so much. I suffer from perfectionism also. I also got sucked into To Train Up A Child, Vision Forum, Homeschool Conventions, but not quite as far as the full-on quiverfull movement. We stopped at 4 children, though I felt internal pressure to have more, my husband did not. So, I deferred to his position that it was time to move onto the next stage of life - actually raising our children. After reading books like To Train Up a Child, I remember being so focused on my children's behavior that nothing else seemed to matter. When they were good I felt so prideful, and when they were fidgety or less than perfect I felt so embarrassed. It's such an ugly mindset, I'm ashamed to have thought that way. I have pulled way back from these teachings, and I'm in recovery from the damage it has done on my own mind, and in my children. Now, I don't take personal pride in their good behavior, nor do I care that much if they act up. I'm also much less focused on other children's behavior, and I can appreciate kids for who they are, instead of how they are acting. I'm still homeschooling, because I still think it's the best academic choice for our family, but I no longer have a dogmatic opinion about homeschooling being the only/best Christian option. I've considered over and over putting my children in school, because some days I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But, the schools around me use such low quality curriculum, there are no charter schools, and we can't afford private school. Since I don't have to work outside the home, my husband and I have decided to continue homeschooling. Some days I do wonder if it's best though. I'm anxious to read about your transition from Vision Forum/Pearl follower to who you are today.
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Post by krwordgazer on Sept 9, 2010 0:59:21 GMT -5
Thanks for posting this, LivingForEternity. I hope that it will have a part in preventative medicine against the kind of child-training you're talking about.
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Post by humbletigger on Sept 9, 2010 7:45:37 GMT -5
*sigh* "Another one bites the dust, hey hey, another one bites the dust, whooooah Boom Boom Boom..."
I have been home schooling for fourteen years now, and watching new home schoolers join the lemmings and head for the cliffs is distressing.
I have one neighbor in our neighborhood who started home schooling a few years back. I discovered her when we were on a walk during school hours, and her son was outside on more than one occasion.
I thought that I could befriend her, and save her so much grief, but alas to the Kool-Aid buffet she ran anyway. Even in our few brief exchanges she could tell that I was not an approved home school family.
Ah well, sucks to be her. I think she could totally relate to today's intro, although not from the hindsight of having escaped! Maybe if I run across her again I can give her the URL. It might wind up in the trash, but then again, it might be the start of a new freedom in her life.
Today is yet another day I will spend trying to think of ways to stop the madness from poisoning the home school community- though it may be too late. The people who most need to hear about the dangers of this home school paradigm are inoculated not to listen to we compromising, atheist, pagan, etc. in other words inferior home school families....
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Post by stampinmama on Sept 9, 2010 21:59:13 GMT -5
"Fear is what originally drew me to home school my children. Fear of what the world would do to them and cause them to become. At that time I did not trust my heavenly Father to guide my children in the path that He had chosen. I took the reins in my own hands to protect my precious babies."
This stuck out to me in a BIG way. This is exactly why my parents started homeschooling us. They made it seem like academics at first but looking back and after hearing my mom talk, I know it was all about fear and what we'd become if we were in the "world."
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Post by ladygrace on Sept 12, 2010 13:30:37 GMT -5
"my bread wasn’t homemade"
WTF is it about homemade bread? Delicious, sure, but it sounds like some sort of requirement.
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Post by lucrezaborgia on Sept 12, 2010 16:27:52 GMT -5
Sort of related to this story: What makes religiously motivated abuse so much more devastating than regular abuse? I'm currently in an argument with some people on another forum who do not believe that religiously motivated abuse is different from typical abuse.
In my opinion and reading, it IS different. People do strange things when they are told that their and by extension, their children's salvation is at stake if they do not follow a set of rules. Would the people at Jones Town have killed their children if they had not truly believed that Jim Jones was a prophet? Would Andrea Yates children be alive if she had not been so manipulated by Michael Woroniecki?
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Post by kisekileia on Sept 12, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Religiously motivated abuse fucks with your entire worldview. Regular abuse messes with your view of yourself and other people, but it doesn't affect your entire cosmology and set of beliefs to the same extent. Religious abuse also uses things that are very important to us--our values, beliefs, and faith--to hurt us. It's distinct from regular abuse because it takes one of the most personal, intimate things about ourselves and uses that to hurt us--the distinction is much like that between sexual and other abuse in that sense.
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Post by journey on Sept 12, 2010 17:50:21 GMT -5
"Family Man, Family Leader" has some outrageous advice in it...only, when I read it back in my QF days, I didn't see that. It all made perfect sense (and matched what my husband was telling me was God's way). I, too, followed To Train Up A Child, and I, too, began to think that behavior was the Most Important Thing and that a fidgity child meant that I was a bad mother... It is SO sad and I SO wish I could go back and re-do those years. It is horrifying. Yet the books keep on getting handed out, the lemming-like sucking pull into the VF/QF/Pearl/etc world so strong, that families keep on getting pulled into the vortex. The promises are so big...and they play on our love for our families, using that good natural love as a tool to gain adherants. I am so thankful for voices like these who are now able to speak out, from actual (and horrible) experience, about the dangers in this movement. At least those still in it, but perhaps starting to ask some questions, now have somewhere to go for support, encouragement, and answers.
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Post by krwordgazer on Sept 13, 2010 0:50:01 GMT -5
Journey, I'm so glad you got out! With regards to the question about what makes religious abuse so much worse-- religious abuse is done in the name of an authority greater than human authority. This gives it greater holding power in the life of the person being abused, and greater power of self-justification in the eyes of the abusers. C.S. Lewis puts it well: "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under live robber barons than under omnipotent moral busibodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good, will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” (The quote is from this website, which is in some ways a "brother website" to NLQ: thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/ )
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