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Jemand
Apr 16, 2009 10:10:33 GMT -5
Post by jemand on Apr 16, 2009 10:10:33 GMT -5
All of your stories are amazing... I originally came to read Laura and Vykie's stories but everyone here has an amazing story! I'm still pretty young-- not married yet, graduating with a math and physics degree in 3 weeks!! (I should go study!) Next year I plan to go to graduate school in Massachusetts. My family is Seventh Day Adventist but I've recently (in the past couple years) become an atheist, which has caused some friction but my parents are not patriarchal or anything. However there is a significant patriarchal movement in families we know, including my cousins and the homeschool group my mother is involved with. I'm also the oldest of five, considered a HUGE family by my boyfriend's standards but apparently on the small side according to the experience of those here! I had a short-lived very bad relationship with a boy who got more conservative and crazy on me as time went on, my current boy friend is atheist like me, and awesome. The only interest he and I have in "gf/wife spanking" or "headship" are the consensual bedroom-only version....
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aimai
Full Member
Posts: 172
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Jemand
Apr 16, 2009 12:47:35 GMT -5
Post by aimai on Apr 16, 2009 12:47:35 GMT -5
Jemand, Very funny post! I've enjoyed your perspective and would love to hear more about your 7th day adventist background. Sounds tough to move away from that kind of religiosity into being an atheist but I guarantee that when you come to MA (my fair commonwealth!) you will find yourself very comfortable with all the other atheists!
aimai
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Jemand
Apr 16, 2009 15:17:10 GMT -5
Post by anotheramy on Apr 16, 2009 15:17:10 GMT -5
I hope everything goes well with your parents. My background is much more liberal, but my mom is hyper-religious anyway. She's having a hard time with my universalism views. If I ever become a flat out atheist, I think it might harm her health.
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Jemand
Apr 16, 2009 16:21:00 GMT -5
Post by tapati on Apr 16, 2009 16:21:00 GMT -5
It's good to meet you, Jemand, and it sounds like you can tell some good stories yourself. I am glad you found a like-minded boyfriend and yes, I agree that spanking and such is best left in the realm of consensual sexual activity.
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Jemand
Apr 16, 2009 20:57:06 GMT -5
Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Apr 16, 2009 20:57:06 GMT -5
Welcome Jemand ~ so glad you are here So do you find that having experienced a really crappy relationship ~ it makes you all the more appreciative of now being involved with someone who supports and energizes you? That's been my experience anyway ~ it almost makes me thankful for all the craziness I endured ~ but then again, I do think I'd rather have skipped it.
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Jemand
Apr 17, 2009 6:51:28 GMT -5
Post by jemand on Apr 17, 2009 6:51:28 GMT -5
Vyckie, yes, I think my previous relationship does result in me appreciating my current one more-- but it also helps me relate to women like you who have been in such situations for so much longer. I woke up pretty quickly, only 3-4 months wasted with that guy, and probably I shouldn't say "wasted" because I learned EXACTLY what to stay away from.
I think he miscalculated on some of his manipulation, which contributed to my being able to leave that quickly, he did not move slowly enough for me not to notice what was going on, and also on at least one occasion he "snapped off" the "victim" mode he was using to guilt trip me, leaving me VERY interested in exactly how real the "depression" I was causing him was. Plus, there was my great interest in physics and his lack of appreciation of my abilities. At one point I received several awards for my exceptional performance in classes-- instead of congratulations he went into a funk. I was making him feel unintelligent. He felt worthless 'cuz he didn't get awards in his classes. He couldn't deal with the fact that I was more accomplished and he wanted me to sit and work with him through his "emotions" and help him "work through it." So that day I went from being extremely happy about my success to babysitting an emotional toddler. I stayed that day but it really opened up in my mind the question of whether he was worth it. I'm thinking that behavior appears to occur across the board in abusers, from what I see of your stories.
What I'm also wondering though, is how these guys learn it? How do they learn to manipulate, control, psychologically entangle, etc. It would be impossible for me to actually do something like that, is it an innate talent? Is it learned? I'm really curious about that.
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mary
New Member
Posts: 10
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Jemand
Apr 18, 2009 18:31:04 GMT -5
Post by mary on Apr 18, 2009 18:31:04 GMT -5
Wow, math and physics! Congrats. If I were 25 years younger and just going to college, I would definitely go into a science. Probably not math or physics, though. I think those were a little beyond my capabilities. I'm glad you figured out the bad guy quickly. Just what we need, a smart, vibrant woman being dragged down by whiny baby @@.
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Jemand
Apr 21, 2009 9:26:16 GMT -5
Post by rosa on Apr 21, 2009 9:26:16 GMT -5
They watch. I think everyone manipulates to some extent, but for people to learn to be abusive manipulators they only have to look around. If somehow they come from a family and social group where no one at all does this (unlikely) there's all the books & movies where you can see it... and then, they find a victim at their level. There's enough general social pressure for patriarchy that most women are at least a little bit susceptible, and any guy who can't quite pull one over on his first mark can just test out a few more until he finds some woman who has already been broken down by her family, church, previous partners, drug addiction... I think the only reason we don't see as much of it going the other way is there's not as much already-built structure to help manipulative women flower into abusers.
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Jemand
May 9, 2009 14:15:44 GMT -5
Post by jemand on May 9, 2009 14:15:44 GMT -5
Well, I thought I'd give you all a little update... I am officially done with my undergraduate program! Next week I'll be visiting my boyfriend and so for the next 10 days or so I will probably rarely be online...
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Jemand
May 9, 2009 18:48:35 GMT -5
Post by rosa on May 9, 2009 18:48:35 GMT -5
Congratulations!
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Jemand
May 9, 2009 19:27:17 GMT -5
Post by krwordgazer on May 9, 2009 19:27:17 GMT -5
Yes, congrats!
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Jemand
May 9, 2009 22:44:55 GMT -5
Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on May 9, 2009 22:44:55 GMT -5
Congratulations, Jemand! We'll miss you on the forums ~ but do have a wonderful time with your boyfriend.
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Jemand
May 14, 2009 20:22:59 GMT -5
Post by xara on May 14, 2009 20:22:59 GMT -5
Congratulations!
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