lectio
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lectio
Apr 16, 2009 10:57:29 GMT -5
Post by lectio on Apr 16, 2009 10:57:29 GMT -5
Hey. I'm out of the "Biblical patriarchy" movement... long long long story...think I won't go into it right now.
I am still a Christian, having realized that God had nothing to do with the abusive behavior, though His name was used regularly. I am happily involved with an Episcopal church (much different from the fundamentalist/evangelical background I had and was married in). I appreciate the freedom to have differing opinions there, the freedom to think. (I really need that to feel safe, and if it's not there in a group or with a person, I don't feel safe).
I am enjoying the "fellowship" of women who've had similar experiences. It's easy to feel very alone in situations like these. So, thank you, Vyckie and Laura, for giving women like me this rare opportunity. It's been really good.
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aimai
Full Member
Posts: 172
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lectio
Apr 16, 2009 11:31:53 GMT -5
Post by aimai on Apr 16, 2009 11:31:53 GMT -5
Molly, I've found all your postings so insightful and enriching. I'm glad you found the episcopal church. I've always been drawn to their liberal side. There's a great series of murder mysterys in which the heroine is an Episcopal priest. I highly recommend them. Julia Spencer-Fleming wrote them.
I don't mean to get sidetracked. I wanted to say that I think you sound like you've done a lot of processing for a woman who has only been separated from an abusive relationship for six months. Its an incredibly short period of time in real terms. I hope your new church family is supportive of what you are going through. I can't really imagine it, myself. Being the mother of five children and being the sole parent is a mind boggling responsibility for anyone and to deal with all the issues that arise when you are leaving an overall abusive relationship at the same time? I applaud you and your strength. Wish you lived near me (!) I'd love to be part of your real world support network. You sound like an incredible person.
aimai
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lectio
Apr 16, 2009 17:14:23 GMT -5
Post by tapati on Apr 16, 2009 17:14:23 GMT -5
Hi Lectio, I've been following your comments on the blog as adventuresinmercy. I'm glad you've found a supportive church community for yourself. I know what it's like to be a single parent but can't imagine doing all that with five children. I am in awe of your strength and hope that you form a really strong support system through the church and your other contacts. I know what it's like to leave a religious community and then just be out there feeling alone and vulnerable. As your circle of new friends grows you will feel more and more supported. It takes time. I think you're doing amazingly well for only 6 months out.
I think there ought to be more PSAs about the many forms abuse can take. There should be detailed brochures in every doctor's office and other public places.
I'm so glad you're here.
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lectio
Apr 16, 2009 23:12:38 GMT -5
Post by themomma on Apr 16, 2009 23:12:38 GMT -5
Hi Lectio, I've been following your comments on the blog as adventuresinmercy. I'm glad you've found a supportive church community for yourself. I know what it's like to be a single parent but can't imagine doing all that with five children. I am in awe of your strength and hope that you form a really strong support system through the church and your other contacts. I know what it's like to leave a religious community and then just be out there feeling alone and vulnerable. As your circle of new friends grows you will feel more and more supported. It takes time. I think you're doing amazingly well for only 6 months out. I think there ought to be more PSAs about the many forms abuse can take. There should be detailed brochures in every doctor's office and other public places. I'm so glad you're here. I totally agree, I tried to get a display put up at our library where they had a different display every month with books about cults, etc but they wouldn't do it...
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lectio
Apr 17, 2009 19:49:33 GMT -5
Post by charis on Apr 17, 2009 19:49:33 GMT -5
I haven't replied to your comments much, but I always appreciate them. God is with you. These trials you are dealing with have given you much insight. You words are healthy and life imparting What was "meant for evil... God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive." Gen 50:20
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lectio
Apr 19, 2009 4:29:40 GMT -5
Post by madame on Apr 19, 2009 4:29:40 GMT -5
Hi It's good to see you here too. You're right about this being a safe place for people who have broken free or are breaking free or just feel constrained in a traditional patriarchal marriage or family. But I'm not so sure about it being a safe place for those who are happy within the traditional arrangement. Most of us here have reasons to want the end of patriarchal marriage taught as "God's way". We've been hurt in many ways by it, and can't imagine how anyone could be happy in an institution that hurt us so much. I have to bite my tongue when I talk with my mom, very often. In my current bitterness I tend to project my circumstances on her marriage, seeing some situations she went through through my eyes. IMO, she was abused. Should I tell her? Would that do more harm than good? She has found a way to live her life, seems fulfilled and happy, sounds at peace, what business is it of mine to stir the pot seeking for truth? So I respect her, but I've told her that I don't want to feel the need to be like her. I want to be free to be who I am, and she respects that, even when she disagrees.
I think we have to extend the same respect to others as we expect from them. If I were trying to make my marriage work the patriarchal way, I'd probably be defending it with every resource I knew. I'd want to spread the good news of patriarchy and wifely submission much like egalitarians who just broke free from what was imprisoning them in their traditional marriages want to refute patriarchy and preach egalitarianism.
Sorry for that ramble.... maybe we have to learn to be more tolerant, while not supportive, of lifestyles that we don't endorse.
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lectio
Apr 19, 2009 10:13:05 GMT -5
Post by nell65 on Apr 19, 2009 10:13:05 GMT -5
I was so impressed by your comments on the blog, I followed the links to your old website and spent some time reading there. You write beautifully about a life that was so very, very hard.
I wanted to respond to your comment about being separated for six months and getting pressure from both sides to 'choose' the marriage or divorce RIGHT NOW!!!111!!!
If the experience of another woman with a very different history is any help, my not-quite-ex and I have been 'separated' (that is in quotes because for a fair amount of time he used for his own a bedroom in the basement!) for almost two and a half years, and he made it clear that the marriage was not going to survive a good six months or more before that. So - yes. Three years and counting and no firm time schedule even now for the at this point inevitable divorce. We both get a lot of chaff from friends and -- especially -- family for our choices (I make it plural - it was not so much a joint choice as our individual choices happen to coincide on this point) to do it this way.
It is working for each of us (differently and for different reasons), and for our children, to follow our own schedule with out reference to outside patterns. Just as there is no one way to structure a happy and successful marriage -- and there is no one way to get a divorce. If going slow is working for you (and it sounds like the timing is largely in your hands for all sorts of reasons) then, I say, go for it. Take all the time you need or want.
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lectio
May 10, 2009 0:53:06 GMT -5
Post by krwordgazer on May 10, 2009 0:53:06 GMT -5
Just wanted to tell you again, Lectio, how much I appreciate your deep thinking and honesty here.
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lectio
Full Member
growing...
Posts: 128
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lectio
May 10, 2009 1:27:40 GMT -5
Post by lectio on May 10, 2009 1:27:40 GMT -5
Aw, thanks... *blush*
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lectio
May 10, 2009 9:49:03 GMT -5
Post by rosa on May 10, 2009 9:49:03 GMT -5
Me too, Molly. I've been reading old entries on your blog and your journey is just amazing.
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