21 comments:
mom.huebert said...
So-- this raises the question: What should a good christian family REALLY look like?
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
arietty said...
There is no pattern mon huebert. There is no formula. There is no picture to aspire to. We are all different.
A "good christian family" is a bunch of individuals caring for each other and valuing their diverse personalities. The same as a "good whatever family".
And yes Vyckie for me it was definitely all about VISION. It was often very exciting. I don't actually have a vision any more, I just have my life.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
aimai said...
mom.huebert's question is a good one. But if anyone wants to ask it was well, well, what would *any* kind of "good" family look like and what is the role that any god or divine inspiration should take in its day to day decisions?
aimai
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Anonymous said...
I don't agree with some of your conclusions and I am not here to debate them. But I do appreciate your honesty and you raise some legit. questions. In my family we are not QF/Vision Forum people. We like family emphasis and unity ideas but shy away from many things presented there. If I had it my way (time past) I would have taken our family there hook, line and sinker. And at times lamented to my husband that we weren't doing this, that and the other and secretly wishing he was more like how they described the husband and father. My husband said "no way". And I am so glad that he did. And I have been on forum and sites where lots of women seem to be the one pushing this (though I know men who do as well). But I think your comment
"I can only speak for myself ~ but I wouldn't be surprised to find that it is this "Vision" which inspires many women to lead (sometimes even PUSH) their husbands and children to become a quivering family."
is spot on.
Marie
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Anonymous said...
Please share more about what Angel experienced with Nancy Campbell's family. I know of a young lady around here who went there for a summer and came back somewhat disallusioned as well.
QF Mom
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Ann S said...
@mom.huebert: Well, if you look to the Bible, the answer you come up with is pretty close to the type of family that Vyckie was trying to create. Which didn't work, no matter how hard she tried. That's why she had to throw out the baby to get rid of the bathwater.
Anyway, I think "good christian family" may be a meaningless term. I'm sure there are many good families which also follow some form of Christian teaching, but the qualities which make them a good family are no different from the qualities that would make a good muslim/jewish/atheist/etc family. That is, a "good family" exists separate from a belief system. (Or, "All happy families are alike.." wait, who said that? :-)
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Alyzza said...
What happened when Angel went to stay with Nancy Campbell? (This is a fascinating sub-topic for me, since I've watched several interviews with the woman.)
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
aimai said...
Correct me if I'm wrong but I get the sense, reading a lot of QF style "the family is what god wants you to do" women's writings that a lot of women are in struggle with their own desire to be important in the world, to be successful, in a world in which (for one reason or another) they have not been either socially or financially important *as the world* reckons those things.
QF and those teachings are a way of making "women's work" terribly, even foundationally, important. Motherhood and its petty tasks are exalted. Home making becomes a form of worship. The home becomes a temple. And one has little or no time to venture out into what seems like a hostile world, a world in which your intrinsic worth as a woman and a mother is not respected. A highly competitive world in which one expects that already one will be judged a loser. So the push towards QF lifestyles is a movement towards a re-enchantment and re-valuation of a (more or less) easily acquired status of respectability and centrality--wifehood then motherhood.
Of course you could have a totally pagan, ecstatic, women focused QF lifestyle without a man. But you'd have to be a very driven, self confident, competitive woman to do that and without biblical sanction it wouldn't have the same high social value among your peers. And of course part of the cultural imperative is that you aren't supposed to be doing this for yourself, or by yourself, because that would put you and your individuality in opposition to (or at least on an equal footing to) god himself.
At least this is the way I read the QF writings I've read.
aimai
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
J. Allen said...
There won't ever be an accurate 'guide' for how to run a family. You have to evaluate the situation daily based on the emotions of your family members. If you feel something is wrong, that you or someone is unhappy or pretending or dishonest, then something is wrong and needs to be talked about.
I would probably say honesty is the foundation to trust, on which love and happiness is built.
Vyckie could not be honest because she was not supposed to ask certain questions(to herself and others) that might conflict with QF
Once dissent is silenced there is only quiet suffering and delusions. The healthiest families I have seen are ones where the kids and parents can talk about any subject without automatically getting disapproving looks.
The show Malcolm in the Middle visited this theme a lot. The mother would try to get her kids and husband to live up to her expectations but they were simply too flawed, and she would have to scream to them 'but we are a good family, this is what good familes do!', which is hilarious because her reaction clearly communicates their lack of perfection.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
EmK said...
Marie, I really appreciate your comment and find its honesty very helpful.
I agree with Arietty---there IS no picture of what "a good____ family" looks like. Humans are too complex and variable for a set formula to be able to work. Heck, we can't even talk about what " ______ families" all look like now, much less what they all should look like.
Ann, I think we're talking about two different things. The topic of the post and of MomHuebert's question is what a good Christian family SHOULD look like...that is, what does the Bible set forth as a model for families?
And I don't think the families you point out--the ones available for reading about in the Bible--are models of Biblical ideals, nor does the Bible usually set them out as such. As we know, the Hebrew Bible has families defined by incest, polygamy, revenge, brothers marrying their deceased brother's/relative wives to protect them. Yet, many Jews around the world today--of all ethnic and cultural groups--do not hold those families up as models or formulas.
Likewise, the New Testament gives us a single pregnant teen, an advanced-age couple who gets pregnant, two adult/unmarried sisters and a brother living together, single male and female disciples following Jesus, and disciple husband and wife couples. (and probably some more i'm missing). That doesn't mean that any of those is the correct Christian family "formula," or that there indeed IS "a correct formula."
I think it's important to distinguish between what is merely descriptive (in any situation or text) and what is meant to be prescriptive.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Susanne said...
I used to be a Mormon and it was the same vision...the large glowing families anchored by unity of thought and purpose, beautiful mother, strong and righteous father.
Such a lovely vision. So rare in actual life.
Ann S, you mean this:
Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina, Chapter 1, first line.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Anonymous said...
Hi, Vyckie. I'm not sure if you are still learning, still searching, or not. But in the case that you are, I wanted to tell you that N.T. Wright has a host of books that go into much of what your whole blog is about. One of them being, "The Resurrection of the Son of God". Like I said, I'm not able to tell if you've actually already made your decision regarding Christ, but if you're still wanting to learn, mostly anything by Wright is amazing. Just thought I'd share, take it or leave it. Have a good weekend.
-Jesnicole-
jesnicole.blogspot.com
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Anonymous said...
I know that you have an abundance of things to write about but I wondered if you might be willing to share more about how in particular Nancy Campbell/Above Rubies influenced your lives. I have read many of the magazines and have a deep sense of disquiet about much of what I've read. I am also curious about the family dynamic that goes on at 'the Campbell compound' (but that's just me being nosey!).
Wishing you health and strength.
Louise
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Laura said...
Well said Vyckie...very well said.
Laura
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Anonymous said...
So Vyckie,
Are you saying some parts of the QF/Vision idea for the family worked, and some didn't. In other words, it had strong and weak points?
Maybe we shouldn't focus on what the Christian family should look like, and focus more on helping families learn to resolve their problems in a Christ like manner.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
arietty said...
Yes I SO much want to hear about the Nancy Campbell experience. Nancy Campbell was entrance into this world as I've shared elsewhere. I have continued to follow the Campbell tribe and teachings on and off (follow as in curious, not disciple of). I first started reading Above Rubies 20 years ago when it came out of Queensland.
In recent years I've worried about the daughters. At one point the oldest had about 9 kids and was living in a one room cabin. One of the other daughters has about 5 kids and has adopted 4 kids and lives with no running water (I am amazed you can adopt under such conditions). I suffered deprivations living QF with an abusive husband, 6 kids all crammed into a teeny room in a 4 room house/hut but this is even more insane. So I worry what is going on with these daughters, why is no one providing better for them? It makes me angry too that Nancy speaks of their circumstances as though they are heroines in faith when really it is ridiculous to be living like this in America.
If MY daughter was living with 9 kids in one room or with no running water I would be APPALLED. I would do everything in my power to help her. I would not be praising her as a faith hero(ine) year after year as these circumstances continued.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
momgodin said...
aimai said, "QF and those teachings are a way of making "women's work" terribly, even foundationally, important. Motherhood and its petty tasks are exalted. Home making becomes a form of worship. The home becomes a temple..."
This is exactly what I thought when reading the highly acclaimed "Desperate Housewives Passionate for God". It was a book- not about appreciation- but about the glorification of homemaking.
So I decided I could get in on this. I recently calculated that I've changed at least 59,000 diapers.
"Worship me!"
doesn't work, does it?
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Ann S said...
@emk: Thanks for your comment- I probably should have made it clear that I did mean prescriptive and not descriptive. (You also raise an interesting question with your "rogues gallery" list of biblical families, namely, are there any actual families in the Bible that one would want to model their family after? I'm not implying the answer is yes or no, I just think it's an interesting question to ponder).
Anyway, as has been pointed out repeatedly on this blog, there are many prescriptive statements in the Bible that would lead to the idea that a "good christian family" would be one based on QF teachings. But then as others have pointed out, there are prescriptive statements which could be seen as supporting a more egalitarian approach. The thing is, once a person starts picking out some verses and discarding others, they're using their own personal sense of morality, not the Bible's, to decide which verses are "right", and these verses are likely to be verses which would support the general idea of a good family which would be shared by those of another faith, or of no faith. (eg, I would hope most people, no matter what their outlook, would discard the bit about killing their kid if they disobey you. But decent folks of many outlooks might like the part about husbands respecting their wives. Again, though, these choices are more based on a shared human morality than a biblical-based morality). So this is why I think it might be impossible to really answer the question of what makes a "good christian family", but we all can agree on many aspects of a "good whatever family".
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Charis said...
momgodin,
I did that calculation too: I changed 40,000 diapers. I was pregnant or nursing for 16 years. I matched approx 100,000 pairs of socks. (I have 8 children) I don't say it with pride. Its sort of embarrassing. I don't regret having all my children. I regret being such a "slave wife" though, and I definitely embraced much suffering which I didn't have to (eg, never had an epidural until my 8th child at age 42 and I got that one because my 7th at 40 was 11 lb and very painful to deliver)
arietty,
that description of how the Campbell daughters live sounds incredibly hard! We have lots of Amish around us and they are QF often with 8-12 children, and don't believe in electricity, but they have very ingenious ways of making their family lives more comfortable than what you described. They have indoor plumbing with gravity fed water, and propane hot water heater which is not allowed inside the house but can be kept in the barn, as can a telephone. I see them at the swimming hole in the summer sometimes. The women fully clothed, sitting with feet in the water. The men wear shorts and swim. Those hot days, the young mamas look very tired...
My husband has admired them at times and even mentioned how we would be famous if we "converted", but I have always said that I am used to electricity and cannot live without it. And when our well has gone out on occasion, it was an extreme hardship to function without running water (everyone got sick from it too). I guess I would be moving out with the children within a week if my husband could not figure out a way to have running water!
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Stew said...
Shock, horror, people are complicated and have conflicting emotions.
Keep up the good blogging ladies, you are doing a wonderful job. Very challenging to everyone who reads it.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Anonymous said...
Rachel,Sydney
Vyckie: I second Arietty, having read above rubies, what is the Campbell situation really like? The girls seem to live with many children in not acceptable conditions.
In above rubies they make is seem so fun...but really?!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009