18 comments:
SargassoSea said...
I guess that 'helpmeet' thing is a one way street :/
It's that white male privilege oh-woe-what-about-me crap that just makes me Dude-o-cidal.
They just don't effing get it because they don't have to. Yay Patriarchy! not
And many, many congratulations on your anniversary/birthday. Brave women rock on!
Sea
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Becky said...
There is a time to cry "uncle" and use the bottle with formula. This was "past time".
I had 5 and nursed all 5 but never thought anything but "I'm sorry 'cuz it's so much more work" to women who didn't have enough milk to nurse. We do live in the 20th century and have options for women who are such situations.
Laura, were you afraid of what others would think of you if you switched to formula, was it the cost of formula that was the issue, or did you just not want to "give in" to using formula?
You were quite the "superwoman"! I'm amazed.
I would rather use formula than pump. I tried pumping on my first when I was out of the hospital and he was still in but it was complete disaster for me and I couldn't do it. Thankfully, once home from the hospital (day 3), the child began to nurse regularly and things were okay.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
kittywhumpus said...
Wow.
I cannot imagine what this must have been like. I pumped exclusively for the 71 days my son was in the hospital, but I did not have any other kids to care for.
You are amazing!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Anonymous said...
rach, syd
oh Larua thats sounds awful. can't imagine letting my bf (if we have children) do that. But then he's a feminist.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Anonymous said...
Laura,
Wow. My heart goes out to you. I loved breastfeeding my first child but I had nothing else to do and it was a sweet, sweet time alone with her. By my second child I wanted some freedom of movement and started pumping in order to keep her on breastmilk while also giving myself some time away from her. Pumping was simply awful (for me!). I remember my first daughter at a very solemn two and a half standing next to me as I pumped and looking sadly at the teeny amounts I was producing and saying, sternly "not enough mommy!" I can't remember now but I think we must eventually have gone to a bit of a formula supplement towards the end of that period with my second daughter. What seems like a life or death moral decision at the time turns out to be utterly silly in retrospect! The kids turn out fine either way. But I can well imagine how frightened you felt at not being able to nourish your eleventh the way you were used to doing, and how stampeded you must have felt by all the "helpful" advice about pumping and weighing and etc...
OT but I well remember my mother advising me that I had to keep a detailed record of the number of minutes my first daughter nursed on each breast *because the doctor would want to see it!* Of course they didn't ask for any such thing. somehwere I have sheets and sheets of hysterical scrawls of "five minutes R. breast, 3 minutes L breast."
What I'm trying to say is that Dale should be ashamed of himself, and the women in your social circle who allowed themselves to be so overburdened that none of them could or would come over to care for you in your hour of need. Not much of a community, in my opinion. Of course I'm just an *&^% atheist but I'll be heading over to the hospital to bring gifts to a single mother I know and cooking dinners for her next week.
aimai
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Anonymous said...
He looked at me incredulously and said, “When am I supposed to sleep? I have to go to work every day. You can take a nap.”Translation:
"ME MAN. ME SAY FILL-IN-THE-BLANK!
YOU WOMAN. YOU SHUT UP!"
And ELEVEN KIDS? I once knew a woman who went into total burnout on her fifth -- just completely overwhelmed. For 11, you need either an extended family switching off in shifts or a serious speed/meth habit.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Rosa said...
Okay, that's just wrong. That man wasn't a father, he was just an overgrown child you happened to have been responsible for.
My son (my only child) was a preemie who didn't nurse well at first, so I pumped and we "topped him off" with a bottle at the end of every feeding - which meant his dad took him from me & bottle fed him from the previous pumping while I pumped/washed bottles.
I do not understand why people who claim children are blessings then act as if they were pets, or punishments. Aimai's right, Dale should have been ashamed of himself.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
enlightenmentgirl said...
Dale's behavior was vile. That's not acting like a father or a husband, that's just being a stud dog.
This reminds me of a story my dad told me. He was a teenager back in the late '40s or early '50s and he griped about having to learn how to mop a floor. His father, a Swedish immigrant, chided him for this. My dad replied, "Why do I have to learn this? I'll have a wife to do all the housework." My grandfather fixed him with his icy blue eyes (imagine a Swedish Henry Fonda) and said coldly, "Oh, if your wife is recovering from giving birth to YOUR child and is feverish and sick in bed, you're going to force her to get up and fix YOUR breakfast and clean up YOUR mess?" That knocked the stuffing out of my dad, who turned out to be a truly loving father and husband without a real Christian faith.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Anonymous said...
You know, even when I believed my husband was "in charge" and I was supposed to give in to his authority, he would never have abused the privilege like that; and if he had tried it, I would not have hesitated to give him a piece of my mind. lol
I keep asking myself, whatever happened to "husbands love your wives and lay down your lives for her"? Did that part of the verse just fall out of the QF Bible?
It's terrible, reading what you had to go through, Laura. My heart goes out to you.
KR Wordgazer
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Anonymous said...
ok, this may be a little off the way this thread is headed but there is something I have been wondering about.
Laura mentioned about a recipe for homemade baby formula.
Does anyone know if this stuff is really as good as boughten formula? I have my doubts and worry about a family that uses it. Some of the kids have learning issues and I wondered if it could be from using this homemade formula rather than regualr formula.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Anonymous said...
This blog has been very interesting. I almost fell for the QF movement, and am actually pregnant with my 6th child. We do believe that children are a blessing, but geeze, how much can a woman handle. I plan to tie my tubes after this. I am excited about this baby, but just as excited to enter into the next stage of my life. I am ready to really enjoy them now. I cannot imagine my hubby not helping me! WOW!! We have always homeschooled, but put the older ones in public school this year... one time my hubby got up and let me sleep in, which I gladly did until 11am!! Anyway, when I got up he gave me a big hug and asked how I did all these years, taking care of the house and homeschooling and I told him it was very hard. I am glad he saw that. I might add that when I woke up the house was spotless, and lunch was being prepared. He also always gets up at least an hour before I get up to get the kiddo's ready for school and if there was any mess from the night before, he always cleans it up for me in the morning.
The only thing about your story that saddens me is your loss of faith. We are Christians, and love Jesus with all our hearts, but we don't fall for man's doctrine at all. We are sinners saved by grace and cannot, in any way, be perfect. Nor, can I do anything to please Jesus because He is already pleased with me! His love is unconditional and I hate it when the church makes you think otherwise. I do pray that ya'll will find your way back to your saviour... but I understand how you must feel after everything, including the major legalism ya'll have been through!!
Blessings to you!!
Jennifer in TX
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Jadehawk said...
oh! how can ANYone be so heartless!?
you know, it's starting to sound like you didn't have 11 kids, but 12. and one of them was a bossy little know-it-all hormonal teen :-p
as for home-made formula... both my brother and I were fed homemade formula (basically buckwheat porridge with milk) after 6 months of breastfeeding, and so were a lot of other kids in Poland. I don't think it's bad per-se, but with kids that are already underweight, it might be a nutrition issue (both my brother and I were fat babies)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Becky said...
How old are the kids now? Did Dale get remarried or is he caring for the kids alone?
I guess if he is caring for them alone, he is seeing how many naps he's getting!
(wink, wink!) That was a pretty heartless comment he made.
He was, as someone else mentioned acting like a child and not like the "patriarch" who was willing to lay down his life for his wife and children.
While obviously he couldn't pump, if you needed help, he could help. You didn't "create" these children by yourself.
By this time in your marriage, was he still convinced that "quiverfull" was the right thing?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
mouse said...
God Bless your restraint! My daughter had a rough time getting moving on nursing and was screaming her head off. My husband had merely rolled over and begun to snore. I thought about rolling him right off the bed for it, and he usually is an incredible Dad.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Fathers are meant to care for their children and their spouses. To ignore your health and your children's is just heartbreaking.
Melissa
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tapati said...
It just shows how utterly clueless he was about your life during the day to say that you had time to take a nap! No wonder he didn't get why you needed a mixer! He gives new meaning to the phrase "self-absorbed."
I agree with those who said he was like another child in your family. Good riddance!
Your daughters are so sweet to help out in the middle of the night like that. They were better parents than Dale will ever be.
{{{hugs}}}
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
aimai said...
Jennifer in Tx's blog post is just so sweet. I think its been something I,personally, have needed to hear more from women with large families in the Christian tradition. I love, love, love my babies and if I could have had six probably I would have! I got started so late we only had two and I am satisfied with that. But babies are wonderful. However, there's nothing more godly about more babies. Loving and caring for all the people in our lives is just as important. Jennifer, it sounds like things are going wonderfully for you. Many blessings on this next child and, as you say, this next period in your life as you transition--doesn't it take about 18 years?--towards not being a mommy of little kids.
aimai
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
jemand said...
Becky, oh how I wish that were true! Unfortunately I imagine Dale is still soundly sleeping through the night while his daughters do all the "housework." It's not HIS work, not REAL work, y'know!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
mostcurious said...
wow.
Just that, wow.
I never would have gotten through my single baby's babyhood without a lot of help from my husband - even when I said I didn't want it, even when we argued, he still helped. Without being a team... well I just... IDK, I'd have fallen apart. And we have only one, as I said.
Kudos to you to figuring out how to get through it, and how to get out of it.
And many happy returns of the day, tax day baby Laura!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009