Rosa

[rosa]

Hi, I'm a 34 year old neopagan with an atheist partner. We have a 4 year old son and have been together for 10 years, but are not married or planning to marry. I was a SAHM for 2 years and right now I work from home doing QA work.

I am interested in the power structures of patriarchal churches because my family was very religious when I was a child (all-day church on Sundays, service work & youth group through the week, only Christian music, etc) and I feel like my mom was one charismatic minister or persuasive friend from choosing this kind of restricted lifestyle.

[linnea]

Welcome, Rosa!

[jemand]

Welcome rosa! Hope you enjoy it here.

Ignore my question if it's inappropriate but after something like ten years (maybe seven) is it technically a common law marriage? Except I've heard that some of the anti-gay legislation has had the effect of removing the definition of "common law" marriages in some locales. I've personally considered never *getting* married but letting time do it for me in the common-law sense but I have no idea what I'll actually end up doing...

[rosa]

Thanks, Linnea.

Jemand - I live in Minnesota, which does not have common-law marriage, so no. In other states it is different, but it does depend on if you "present yourself as married" - just living together won't do it. I wouldn't do the "get accidentally married" thing, I don't think - it's worth checking out the divorce laws and having a prenuptial agreement for anything the two of you have an agreement about, and common-law doesn't allow for that (I think.)

We are domestic partners (registered with our city, MN doesn't have domestic partnership at the state level). That made it possible for me to be on my partner's health insurance when I was a SAHM (though most companies don't offer benefits for same-sex domestic partners) and again now (part of going to part time work is that I lost my health insurance again).

For everything else - how we own our house, inheritance if something bad happens to one of us, medical decision rights - we have had to have a lawyer fill out specific paperwork for us. We did a lot of that when I was on bed rest with my pregnancy - medical power of attorney, etc - so he could be my advocate with the hospital.

[tapati]

Hi Rosa, I missed your intro when it was first posted.

My current path definitely has pagan elements, although I'm pretty eclectic. I've given up trying to really name what I am.

[rosa]

Hi!

Yeah, me too except it's pretty clearly neopagan of some sort. I am really lucky - I have found a nondenominational pagan church that doesn't have a set of beliefs you have to subscribe to (we do have 5 core values, but they allow for any theistic & magical beliefs or nonbeliefs you have) and also a local christian church that has a large pagan and skeptic minority and strong liberal political values.

I grew up so thoroughly in the church, that I really missed the fellowship (and the music!) in the years before I found these places where I could belong without giving up my beliefs. Political groups pick up some of the structures (potlucks, meetings, soccer games) but you need a pretty big group to be self-sustaining.

[xara]

Welcome Rosa.

I am also neopagan, though anymore I describe myself as Agnostic Druidic Wiccan. I also miss the music of belonging to a church. I loved being in a choir. I haven't found quite the same thing since. Though I have occasionally had some good singing and chant sessions with other neopagans, they are few and far between. Most pagans I know are very solitary and tend to not like organizations much so getting to sing with others is usually a spontaneous kind of thing rather than a planned activity. It is also usually a different style of music, though that is ok. But I miss singing regularly with other people.

Again, Welcome.