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Post by jillrhudybarrett on May 26, 2010 9:47:06 GMT -5
Hello everyone.
I am a former QF mom who home-schooled and home-birthed and could grind wheat berries and get ground into submission with the best. Since escaping my Fred Phelps-like ex in 2001, he has had me in court more than 120 times.
I was the moderator of a group called Biblewives during the nineties and did my best to propagate my sickness. A few years ago I publicly apologized to Cheryl Lindsey Seelhoff for damning her to hell (also publicly) and if I damned any of you online when I was a brainwashed zombie mirror of a sociopathic narcissist, I apologize in advance.
The courts haven't really allowed me to get away from my ex entirely--he uses the courts to stalk me nonstop and managed to get custody of one of my six children--but I haven't been pregnant for nine years. It feels fabulous. I still believe.
Jill Rhudy Barrett
LEGAL NOTICE: THE FOREGOING POST EXPRESSES MY PERSONAL OPINION ONLY.
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Post by sargassosea on May 26, 2010 10:33:07 GMT -5
A warm welcome to you! "...when I was a brainwashed zombie mirror of a sociopathic narcissist..." It seems you've come to the right place! (Cheryl/Heart is pure gold.) |
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on May 26, 2010 10:37:14 GMT -5
Wow, Jill ~ I remember you! I was on Biblewives for a number of years. I have to rush out right now and get my laptop fixed ~ can't wait to get home so I can write more. Hope you don't mind if I flood you with questions!  In the meantime ~ Welcome! (Just writing that seems so ironic ~ that I would ever be running a place like NLQ ~ and be welcoming you to the boards ~ who could've predicted it?) |
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Post by nikita on May 26, 2010 10:44:10 GMT -5
Welcome Jill.  I looked up Biblewives just now. Wow. Just....wow. I am glad you are out of that system. It's not that it's not a valid life choice, to stay at home and keep house, etc. My sister has made that choice and is very happy with it, and she never had children. She is also feisty and a very independent person in her own right. No one is imposing this upon her. It makes me mad when I hear religious groups beat women down with their 'inerrant' torturing and twisting of scripture. It's that they teach it is required for salvation and blasphemous to do anything else, at all, ever, at any point in your life. They appear to be on the extreme end of the whole 'under authority and control' of father and later husband end of the patriarchy spectrum. Again, glad you worked (no pun intended) your way out of that quicksand. I am very sorry about your continuing legal woes with your ex. That is also on the extreme end of the divorce nightmare. You have my sympathy, and also, if it does not offend you, my prayers. Again, welcome. |
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Post by Ex-Adriel on May 26, 2010 11:36:54 GMT -5
You seem to be fairly feisty now! - one would have to be to escape all that dogmatic crap.
How are your kids doing with the exodus from patriarchy?
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Post by journey on May 26, 2010 11:49:48 GMT -5
Welcome!
I was formerly very active in promoting the submissive Christian wife lifestyle, myself. It is good to have you here. (((hugs)))
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Post by arietty on May 26, 2010 18:00:50 GMT -5
Welcome Jill! I hope you will contribute to this wonderful forum! I remember your apology to Cheryl, it was very heartening in the best possible way. I've been out of fundy/QF life for over ten years now, was an original GS reader back in the day. Great to have you here!
Horrible horrible horrible about your ex.. I wish there was a way to stop people from tying up the courts and dragging people through hell like that. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
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Post by kiery on May 27, 2010 8:41:36 GMT -5
wow, welcome!
I'm so glad you made it out - sorry about the whole courts thing. How are the kids handling one of their siblings being gone? that's gotta be tough...
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Post by jillrhudybarrett on May 27, 2010 9:29:11 GMT -5
What a warm welcome! I've invited the other former Biblewives leader, Cheryl Hannah (m. Grenon) a mother of twelve who only finally divorced her abusive ex last year, to come and visit this forum. With any luck, she will join us. We thought about making a new Yahoo group to succeed/replace Biblewives, called Quiverfulluptohere. LOL.
Before Vyckie starts in with her questions, besides "who could have predicted this?" (dunno, but it definitely is ironic), let me answer the ones already posed.
Ex-Adriel, the kids struggle because their father is So Charming and they love him, and also because the courts view the child support that he owes (in theory; they can't enforce it) as a ticket to see the children and talk to them on the phone. He never stops trying to poison their minds and turn them against each other. He is only part of the patriarchy that includes judges who don't care, psychologists who steer clear, police who stand by and ignore assaults on my children, and the wimpy men and women everywhere who are scared to death of his lawsuits. You can leave the man, but you can't leave the people who are bullied into submission by him all around you and turned into weapons to undermine your home.
kiery, the remaining children handle losing a sibling poorly, because that sibling is used as bait and a pawn to get the rest of them, and as a father-proxy to gather information to use in court. Also, his dad brings my son to court a lot, even when he is supposed to be in school. My son, who will be 17 in August, is forced to shun me completely and hears me called a whore and a reprobate.
Arietty, you didn't really ask a question, but let me just say my husband wouldn't let me read anything but womanly Christian B.S., so I also read Gentle Spirit, Gothard, Pride (books and magazine), the Pearls, Fugate, all of those misguided people. On top of that I read every Calvinist crackpot in print on "biblical law" and "dominion."
journey, saragassosea, thanks for the welcomes, and nikita, I need all the prayers I can get! The loon filed suit against me two weeks ago for $30 million in damages for alienating his children, and he filed it where he lives, all the way across the state. Dunno how I'm even going to get there. Reminds me of when he took the van away from me and then won the venue fight so that I had to travel 150 miles for my divorce, which dragged out over a year and five judges and eight hearings. I was on welfare at the time.
I'm running a risk posting here because one of my ex's 2nd wife's mandates is to follow me all over the internet and print everything I or the kids post so that he can use it against me in court. She keeps a big notebook for that purpose. She uses fake identities to get onto Facebook and Myspace pages too.
LEGAL NOTICE: THE FOREGOING POST EXPRESSES MY PERSONAL OPINION ONLY.
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Post by nikita on May 27, 2010 9:56:17 GMT -5
I am so so sorry he is doing this to you. The first thing that absolutely fascinates me about people like your ex is that they do these incredibly hateful and destructive things to people and still manage to think that they are right as rain and pleasing to God. The second thing that fascinates me is the other people who support and applaud and enable people like your ex and still think that they are pleasing to God. It's like some weird folie a menage. I've read the entire bible cover to cover scores and scores of times (I was in a cult, long story) and I don't recall any mandate about being an absolute asshole to your fellow man in there anywhere. What the hell version are they reading?  It has long been my belief that, throughout history, this is one of the singularly saddest burdens of motherhood - watching the beautiful sweet little baby boys we bear grow older and become the same kind of men as their fathers (when the fathers are hateful/hurtful/damaging human beings). To watch them one day turn upon you with the same unreasoning contempt as their fathers do. Patriarchy revels in that. What a hateful system. |
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Post by Ex-Adriel on May 27, 2010 12:16:33 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear that - it has to be awful for you.
It seems that the more charming and gregarious a person is on the 'outside' the more of a snake they can be to the people they're close to.
My family had our own encounters with similar court-stalkers. It was a nightmare, and was years before it was resolved. The abusers were well known, well-connected, wealthy, and attached to every judge in the area. We were not. It only takes one experience like that to realize that our court system is not remotely as fair as it pretends to be.
On the plus side, after nearly 10 years of their shit, the locals wised up, and now that family is shunned legally and socially by the very system and people they twisted around to harass us and other families. Even their own relatives came out to testify against them in cases. It all comes around eventually.
I wish you all the best, and if there's any help or research or even just venting we can do for you - please let us know.
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Post by usotsuki on May 27, 2010 12:40:55 GMT -5
I've read the entire bible cover to cover scores and scores of times (I was in a cult, long story) and I don't recall any mandate about being an absolute asshole to your fellow man in there anywhere. What the hell version are they reading? No doubt, what the hell happened to "love thy neighbour as thyself" ? |
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Post by zoeygirl on May 27, 2010 17:46:07 GMT -5
The loon filed suit against me two weeks ago for $30 million  Tell me this is going to get thrown out! Can this be considered harassment? Jill, your story boggles my mind. I'm so glad you are here, and I can't wait to hear more about your journey! |
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Post by jadehawk on May 28, 2010 4:30:40 GMT -5
welcome; I'm very sorry to hear your ex-husband is causing this much trouble for you. Am I understanding it right that the child he has custody of is 17? I hope this is correct, because that means soon things could get just a tiny bit less bad, when the kid turns 18.
If I misunderstood, then I'm sorry.
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Post by nolongermabunny on Aug 24, 2010 22:24:37 GMT -5
Jill and others... I'm living the "dream" too. $50K to divorce him. Another $50K to try and get my kids back after he used the notorious (read the Denver news) Department of Human Services to take them and aid in his abuse. Physically recovered the two youngest, the others are adults, quickly after DHS bowed out, got a call from the police telling me my children were in danger and I needed to come NOW to get them. Family courts totally furious over the school records, police records, medical and psychological records, emails with the "guardian" ad-litem and the social worker detailing the aforementioned problems and neglect and their lack of response in writing and in actions. Have been struggling since to rescue my daughter psychologically and physically (multiple suicide attempts) after experiencing all this with her father. She's stable now, but still struggles with anxiety and depression. I've struggled with what I know know is complex PTSD since my abusive (physical and sexually) step father, the man who tried to molest me in the neighborhood, ...my abusive now ex-husband (too bad ex doesn't really mean it, despite restraining orders, it never ends and no the police are not interested in enforcing it), tires regularly punctured, salt in the gas tank of my car, him sitting outside my home cursing me with the kids in his van for >4 hours on the few occasions he has even bothered to see them, phone calls to the kids where he calls me a whore who goes from bar to bar fucking men (funny thing is I didn't drink at all during that time period and lol... enjoy my sexuality but not really into picking up men from bars, though I have rarely met a few nice ones in that location, I love to dance and like live music. Harassment regularly through his abuse of the system. When we were married he "forced" me to work... he was going to lose the house my grandfather held the mortgage on and we lived in. When I went back to work "temporarily" he stayed home, laid on the couch and drank beer (hidden in the garage fridge/ didn't ever quiver family have 2 fridges?). Then he told the pastor I was having an affair, no way, no how, I was a "good Christian woman" and honestly I've never been deceitful or a liar, I just couldn't. The pastor then told two of my friends who repeatedly in my front yard, they could not enter my house, since I was evil, for >2 hours kept urging me to repent and saying they were so upset with how far I'd turned my back on Christ. I had no idea what they were talking about... not a clue.... ... til the now ex came home and after I asked him to come out of the house and tell me what was going on admitted that he told the pastor that... even admitting that he did not think it was true and told my friends he was wrong. Long story short... this finally explained why when at church people would turn from me and walk away if I attempted to speak to them or greet them. The pastor had spread the word of my "adultery" quickly. When my now ex confessed that he had lied to the pastor, the pastor refused to set the record straight to the church. Anyway my PTSD has gotten to the point now where I don't feel like I'm functioning well.... I missed a few days of work because I couldn't even drive and I'm an ICU nurse and would never put my patients in danger because I felt impaired.  So EMDR for me starting tomorrow and I'm sooo scared and it doesn't stop going through my mind and the literal nightmares are hell. But I'm determined that I will live healthy and large and so will my children. I refuse to be a survivor, because I refuse to be a victim. Diana |
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Post by krwordgazer on Aug 25, 2010 0:05:50 GMT -5
Jill and NolongerMa-- Every time I think I've heard it all. . . No one should have to go through that. It's disgusting how people justify such rottenness. |
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Tell me this is going to get thrown out!
So EMDR for me starting tomorrow and I'm sooo scared and it doesn't stop going through my mind and the literal nightmares are hell. 