Jo

[jo]

Very briefly. I'm Jo, mother of 8 (5 bio and 3 adopted), homeschooling, Christian (though chased out of 2 churches since Christmas due to the extreme special needs of our 7 year old son) but not quiverful.

My mother wanted to be QF, wanted to be Patriarchal. My father is a feminist. She submitted. He assumed they were equal partners and she would speak her mind. My sister's therapist called our childhood environment battery acid. Its the most fitting description I know.

I toyed with QF but after baby #3 realized 2 fundamental flaws. There was no mercy for problems and there was no room for adoption. Both were contrary to the nature of God, imo, so we walked away.

Many, many of my friends did not walk away. And sadly to find families who understand what its like to raise a large family and homeschool, I still gravitate to other large families, the majority of which are QF.

[lectio]

There was no mercy for problems and there was no room for adoption. Both were contrary to the nature of God, imo, so we walked away.

Except for the Above Rubies crew. Now they are promoting no birth control AND adopting large sibling groups from foreign countries...

It is crazy. The last Above Rubies retreat I was at (which I helped put on), the women were all talking amongst themselves, all motivated by Nancy to stop using birth control (to "start trusting God") AND to start planning to adopt as many kids as they possible could.

It was very disturbing. No one seemed to stop and wonder HOW can any one woman give any level of quality care to THAT many children, not even counting the kinds of needs that children coming from war-torn countries, abusive situations, etc, are going to need?

No, instead, there was just guilt and condemnation for those who wouldn't accept the clear mandate of the Lord to take in as many children as humanly possible, while living on one income and homeschooling them all. The assumption was that if God created you as a woman, then this was your calling, the end.

[krwordgazer]

Hi, Jo, and welcome!

I remember when I was in a church where the Mary Pride book was being read. And then our church leader (who was very autocratic about being right-- but sometimes was right anyway) said, "But God may call a family to the mission field, and it may not be His plan that they take 10 children with them. Don't put God in a box. Use birth control if you feel that's what God wants for you; if you don't, then don't."

There were other ways that we were all required to fit into one mold; but in general there was a resistence to a one-size-fits-all lifestyle to be defined as the "only" way to serve God. . .

Anyway, there are people here who have large families; enjoy your time here!

[jo]

Yes, I know the current QF trend. Its THE reason the adoption disruption rate amongst Liberian adoptions is so insanely high. I'm also aware of the con artists that lead Above Rubies and their readers into Liberian adoptions and consequently shut Liberian adoptions down due to the level of fraud involved.

But, when I was standing on that cliff, the QF movement was still firmly in the Gothar camp of anti-adoption, generational sins and all of that. So when I was there, it was easier for me to see the need to walk away.

Today, the trend to adopt large groups without proper understanding and needs being met turns me off of the movement on its own. But, QF is not a path I'm in danger of being seduced by ever again. Um...being banned from a popular QF majority message board for speaking the truth confirm all that felt wrong about the movement to me from the get-go.

It just so happens that when I stood at that cliff, those were the 2 points that I could not reconcile and spared me the entrapment my mother attempted to groom me for my entire life.

[marie]

Jo, I have a son with autism and know that his special needs don't fit in very well with what some churches think a service should be like. We are blessed now with a very understanding church.
I am so sad that you were treated that way and hope you have found a church family that loves your son like he needs to be loved.

[tapati]

Welcome, Jo! I am glad you found a way to follow your own path. Feminist Dad, QF leaning Mom...wow, I can't imagine dinner at your house! I suppose if she was submitting there was a lot of silent seething going on.