Post by barbaraw on Apr 27, 2009 20:22:38 GMT -5
I grew up in an emotionally toxic home, so I intentionally married a guy as unlike my parents as I could possibly get.
For example, my family was repressed and quiet and his was loud and boisterous. I was an only child, he was the middle of three.
We could (and did!) talk to each other about everything. And I thought, "This is it. We're on the same page about most things. And what we aren't on the same page about, we can discuss and come to a consensus on."
We tested our relationship by being apart for the better part of three years (while we finished college in different states), and once we were done with college and employed, we got married.
He'd been a little insecure when we dated, but no one's perfect, and I figured that he put up with my imperfections, so I should put up with his.
Over the years, however, I came to realize that his family was deeply dysfuctional (his parents divorced two years after we got married, and we won't even go into his siblings) and the man I married?
Was a complete basket case. Anxiety disorders, ADD, anger management issues, and that's just the "A"s.
He had a health crisis in 1997, then I proceeded to have one in 1999 (a difficult pregnancy) and 2001 (breast cancer). Then my mother died in 2006.
Fast-forward to last year. We were in the process of adopting a second child, and one morning he just left me a note telling me that he was leaving me because I wasn't taking care of his emotional needs.
Supernatural beings composed only of love, acceptance, rainbows and sunshine couldn't have met his emotional needs. A flesh-and-blood woman (let alone one who just lost her mother!) certainly couldn't do it.
So, now I'm trying to pick up the pieces. The divorce will be final next week (if all goes as planned). Basically, I'm asking for the moon, but as long as I get my kid and child and spousal support, I'll be happy.
I'm working as a temp until I find a "real job." My current temp assignment's not real challenging, but I'm learning new stuff (about the insurance industry), and there's a paycheck at the end of the week, so it works for me for now.
I'm also seeing a marriage counselor, who's helping me deal. I'm taking a break from counseling right now, since I'm working (yay!) and he's halfway across town (boo!), though I suspect I'll need an emergency session after my court date next week.
For example, my family was repressed and quiet and his was loud and boisterous. I was an only child, he was the middle of three.
We could (and did!) talk to each other about everything. And I thought, "This is it. We're on the same page about most things. And what we aren't on the same page about, we can discuss and come to a consensus on."
We tested our relationship by being apart for the better part of three years (while we finished college in different states), and once we were done with college and employed, we got married.
He'd been a little insecure when we dated, but no one's perfect, and I figured that he put up with my imperfections, so I should put up with his.
Over the years, however, I came to realize that his family was deeply dysfuctional (his parents divorced two years after we got married, and we won't even go into his siblings) and the man I married?
Was a complete basket case. Anxiety disorders, ADD, anger management issues, and that's just the "A"s.
He had a health crisis in 1997, then I proceeded to have one in 1999 (a difficult pregnancy) and 2001 (breast cancer). Then my mother died in 2006.
Fast-forward to last year. We were in the process of adopting a second child, and one morning he just left me a note telling me that he was leaving me because I wasn't taking care of his emotional needs.
Supernatural beings composed only of love, acceptance, rainbows and sunshine couldn't have met his emotional needs. A flesh-and-blood woman (let alone one who just lost her mother!) certainly couldn't do it.
So, now I'm trying to pick up the pieces. The divorce will be final next week (if all goes as planned). Basically, I'm asking for the moon, but as long as I get my kid and child and spousal support, I'll be happy.
I'm working as a temp until I find a "real job." My current temp assignment's not real challenging, but I'm learning new stuff (about the insurance industry), and there's a paycheck at the end of the week, so it works for me for now.
I'm also seeing a marriage counselor, who's helping me deal. I'm taking a break from counseling right now, since I'm working (yay!) and he's halfway across town (boo!), though I suspect I'll need an emergency session after my court date next week.
