Post by pandapaws on Apr 16, 2009 7:36:49 GMT -5
I am PandaPaws, better known as posting as anonymous and then signing my name as Michele. Tapati and I are friends and we were both Gaudiya Vaisnavas. I still consider myself one but I am not affiliated with any organization. And I am an extremely liberal one! I was attracted to Iskcon because I already believed in some of it's principals: No drug use, strict vegetarian diet, reincarnation, karma, and I loved the temple. It felt like home! I realized only a few years after moving into a temple that I never found my niche "service." A month before I was due to be initiated I "blooped" or moved back home with my family to persue college. I knew I needed a means by which to support myself and I wasn't getting it there.
I still continued to be a believer in the fundamentalist aspects of GV and thought of myself as a failure. As time has gone on I have realized that I am not a fundamentalist at all and I really never had been. I always had a very liberal slant. The guru I had chosen was also very liberal so I thought it was a good fit. When he told me he would no longer initiate me because he was stopping (even though he had PROMISED me for years that I would always be an exception) I was extremely hurt and disillusioned. So very hurt. That was my last ties to Iskcon and I threw it all out. Now, I believe the founder of Iskcon was not teaching real GV but some kind of fundamental twisted cult-like version of it.
Luckily, I was never in an abusive marriage but I had seen quite a few of them in my years of Iskcon. I think I am probably too much of a bitch to have ever been in an abusive marriage for too long. I was also considered stubborn to temple authorities and I still have a lot of bad memories from one specific temple president I lived under.
I am married now to another GV that I met via Tapati's forum. He is a sweetheart and I love him so much. We have a step-daughter that lives with us and we have fertility problems. We are undergoing IVF and the first attempt didn't work so we are onto round #2.
I was drawn to this blog because all spiritual abuse, whether it is Christian, Hindu, Muslim, has a lot of similarities. The only thing that is different is some of the terminology. Also, a dear friend of mine that I knew from 7th grade who had Leukemia converted to fundamentalist Christianity (Assemblies of God) around the time I joined the temple. I never tried to convert her (I swear I didn't, I was happy for her that she found meaning and friends!) but she tried very hard to convert me. She would actually cry because she thought I was going to hell. I never thought she was going to hell (at least not forever, we don't believe in eternal hell). It was intense and it basically ruined our friendship. Right before she died we made contact again and were planning on getting together the next week. She died before we got together! But on her deathbed she was asking for me, according to her mom. She still wanted to save me.
At her funeral I saw her brother who was "saved" quite a few years before when he went for treatment for coke addiction. He had 6 or 7 kids in an extremely short period of time I think the oldest was 7 and they were all girls except the youngest. Now I know about the QF lifestyle (well mainly when I saw the Duggars) I believe he was/is in this movement. He joined fundamentalism before my friend did and after she did, the whole family did!
I am a dental hygienist by trade and I love my job and the office I work in. We live in Vermont, but I am originally a Jersey girl.
Thanks for sharing your stories Vyckie and Laura!
I still continued to be a believer in the fundamentalist aspects of GV and thought of myself as a failure. As time has gone on I have realized that I am not a fundamentalist at all and I really never had been. I always had a very liberal slant. The guru I had chosen was also very liberal so I thought it was a good fit. When he told me he would no longer initiate me because he was stopping (even though he had PROMISED me for years that I would always be an exception) I was extremely hurt and disillusioned. So very hurt. That was my last ties to Iskcon and I threw it all out. Now, I believe the founder of Iskcon was not teaching real GV but some kind of fundamental twisted cult-like version of it.
Luckily, I was never in an abusive marriage but I had seen quite a few of them in my years of Iskcon. I think I am probably too much of a bitch to have ever been in an abusive marriage for too long. I was also considered stubborn to temple authorities and I still have a lot of bad memories from one specific temple president I lived under.
I am married now to another GV that I met via Tapati's forum. He is a sweetheart and I love him so much. We have a step-daughter that lives with us and we have fertility problems. We are undergoing IVF and the first attempt didn't work so we are onto round #2.
I was drawn to this blog because all spiritual abuse, whether it is Christian, Hindu, Muslim, has a lot of similarities. The only thing that is different is some of the terminology. Also, a dear friend of mine that I knew from 7th grade who had Leukemia converted to fundamentalist Christianity (Assemblies of God) around the time I joined the temple. I never tried to convert her (I swear I didn't, I was happy for her that she found meaning and friends!) but she tried very hard to convert me. She would actually cry because she thought I was going to hell. I never thought she was going to hell (at least not forever, we don't believe in eternal hell). It was intense and it basically ruined our friendship. Right before she died we made contact again and were planning on getting together the next week. She died before we got together! But on her deathbed she was asking for me, according to her mom. She still wanted to save me.
At her funeral I saw her brother who was "saved" quite a few years before when he went for treatment for coke addiction. He had 6 or 7 kids in an extremely short period of time I think the oldest was 7 and they were all girls except the youngest. Now I know about the QF lifestyle (well mainly when I saw the Duggars) I believe he was/is in this movement. He joined fundamentalism before my friend did and after she did, the whole family did!
I am a dental hygienist by trade and I love my job and the office I work in. We live in Vermont, but I am originally a Jersey girl.
Thanks for sharing your stories Vyckie and Laura!
I want to say more about how thoroughly delightful it is to FINALLY experience an "egalitarian" relationship without all the game playing and ego trips ~ but I'm saving it until I get to that part of my story 
