Post by rosiegirl on Sept 30, 2009 10:45:43 GMT -5
Well, I'm Sarah, and I've been stalking this place for awhile, and finally got around to writing Vyckie, when she told me I should introduce myself, and to include my letter to her as my introduction, because it sums it all up pretty well.
Note that me and my family have since started talking out a lot of the problems I had growing up, so I dont fault them as much as I used to. Holding a grudge is like giving someone free rent in your head, after all.
Anyway...
"Hi Vyckie;
I'm sure you get so many emails regarding this stuff, all the time. But I just wanted to tell you that I stumbled upon your blog some months ago after reading an article on the Duggar family; you left a comment, and I followed it to your blog.
I just have to say, that I started crying when I first read it, and I regularly cry when you update it, particularly when it comes to Angel, because I can relate with her so much.
I didnt come from a Quiverfull family, but I did nonetheless come from a religious family whose mother placed a very high emphasis on having children and being a Proverbs 31 woman. Throughout most of my childhood, it was ingrained into my skull that a good, godly woman is a quiet woman who obeys her husband, and has many children for god. Thats actually why they named me Sarah; she was the "mother" of a nation, and that is what all godly women do. The problem with this, however, was that I did not want to have children. I had physical health to back up that, too, but like you have so often stated, I was told that a good, godly woman offers herself up to god. She lays down everything... her life, her dreams, everything, for god. Without complaint.
I was not abused, really. I knew my parents loved me, and my father is a great man - but too often I felt like they were more interested in pleasing god, than recognizing my pain. Being forced to fit into this impossible mold of what a woman, defined by an archaic tome, should be; a possession. A broodmare, almost. I remember so many days in church being told that I had good, childbearing hips, which is so creepy to think of now. Almost as if they were looking a slab of meat up and down, saying how tasty it would be.
I was so depressed as a child; I hated my life, and more than that, I hated GOD for making me a girl. Because if he loved me, why would he made me a girl, a slave? I was a rather spirited child; rebellious, I was told. Independent. My mother always told me that I was like an alpha wolf, and thats why I could never get along with the sheep around me, much less her; we both have very dominant personalities, so we could never get along well together.
What struck me the most was Angel's suicide attempts, and how much it struck a chord with me. Because when I was young, I, too, tried to kill myself. The only difference was that one of my very good, and still, friends of mine, convinced me not to do it. I'm thankful for that every day.
I hated that I was, basically, treated like a broodmare, to be bought and sold to the highest bidder(Ie: whatever man my father thought was godly enough), and I was also homeschooled. I didnt feel like a person. I wasnt normal. The problem with this was that my mother did not graduate high school, and was a terrible math teacher, so by the time I went to get my GED, I had a first grader's knowledge of math, and that was it. Imagine my heartache.
I live alone now, and go to school. Actually, I'm still trying to get my GED, and am pretty close to it. I feel very fulfilled in that I left that lifestyle behind three years ago(I'm 21 now), and am now supporting myself and following my dreams. Just recently I have tried to make amends with my parents. They never knew how much they hurt me; they were just trying to make sure I was happy and well taken care of, but they didnt realize how much harm they did.
So I can very much relate with all of your children, particularly Angel. I know you guys probably get this all the time. But I just wanted to send you an email, particularly for Angel because I dont know how else to contact her, because her story resonated so strongly with me.
Your family is so lucky to have you to lead them on this journey... I had to do it alone, and it was terrifying. But you're right; the world is mostly a paper tiger."
Note that me and my family have since started talking out a lot of the problems I had growing up, so I dont fault them as much as I used to. Holding a grudge is like giving someone free rent in your head, after all.
Anyway...
"Hi Vyckie;
I'm sure you get so many emails regarding this stuff, all the time. But I just wanted to tell you that I stumbled upon your blog some months ago after reading an article on the Duggar family; you left a comment, and I followed it to your blog.
I just have to say, that I started crying when I first read it, and I regularly cry when you update it, particularly when it comes to Angel, because I can relate with her so much.
I didnt come from a Quiverfull family, but I did nonetheless come from a religious family whose mother placed a very high emphasis on having children and being a Proverbs 31 woman. Throughout most of my childhood, it was ingrained into my skull that a good, godly woman is a quiet woman who obeys her husband, and has many children for god. Thats actually why they named me Sarah; she was the "mother" of a nation, and that is what all godly women do. The problem with this, however, was that I did not want to have children. I had physical health to back up that, too, but like you have so often stated, I was told that a good, godly woman offers herself up to god. She lays down everything... her life, her dreams, everything, for god. Without complaint.
I was not abused, really. I knew my parents loved me, and my father is a great man - but too often I felt like they were more interested in pleasing god, than recognizing my pain. Being forced to fit into this impossible mold of what a woman, defined by an archaic tome, should be; a possession. A broodmare, almost. I remember so many days in church being told that I had good, childbearing hips, which is so creepy to think of now. Almost as if they were looking a slab of meat up and down, saying how tasty it would be.
I was so depressed as a child; I hated my life, and more than that, I hated GOD for making me a girl. Because if he loved me, why would he made me a girl, a slave? I was a rather spirited child; rebellious, I was told. Independent. My mother always told me that I was like an alpha wolf, and thats why I could never get along with the sheep around me, much less her; we both have very dominant personalities, so we could never get along well together.
What struck me the most was Angel's suicide attempts, and how much it struck a chord with me. Because when I was young, I, too, tried to kill myself. The only difference was that one of my very good, and still, friends of mine, convinced me not to do it. I'm thankful for that every day.
I hated that I was, basically, treated like a broodmare, to be bought and sold to the highest bidder(Ie: whatever man my father thought was godly enough), and I was also homeschooled. I didnt feel like a person. I wasnt normal. The problem with this was that my mother did not graduate high school, and was a terrible math teacher, so by the time I went to get my GED, I had a first grader's knowledge of math, and that was it. Imagine my heartache.
I live alone now, and go to school. Actually, I'm still trying to get my GED, and am pretty close to it. I feel very fulfilled in that I left that lifestyle behind three years ago(I'm 21 now), and am now supporting myself and following my dreams. Just recently I have tried to make amends with my parents. They never knew how much they hurt me; they were just trying to make sure I was happy and well taken care of, but they didnt realize how much harm they did.
So I can very much relate with all of your children, particularly Angel. I know you guys probably get this all the time. But I just wanted to send you an email, particularly for Angel because I dont know how else to contact her, because her story resonated so strongly with me.
Your family is so lucky to have you to lead them on this journey... I had to do it alone, and it was terrifying. But you're right; the world is mostly a paper tiger."
