Post by amanda on Oct 6, 2009 20:12:48 GMT -5
Hi there, everyone 
I was trying to think back to when I first came across Vyckie's blog, and I believe it was sometime after Anna Duggar's pregnancy was announced? I'm not positive, but I was thinking back and then reading through some of the introductions and saw someone mention that's when they found the blog and all I could think was "Gosh, I think that's when I found this place!
So it's sometime around then. I know it was back when NLQ was still hosted on Blogger, because I was following it with the "follow" function at that time. I'm pretty clueless about other subscription and RSS methods. I mean, I know they exist and such, but that's about it, so at this point I just check back every day or week or so to see if a new post is up.
I've not read the message boards as much as the blog entries, but I've been popping over here enough of late that I thought I should register and at least de-lurk rather than hiding in the shadows.
I don't have a patriarchy/ fundamentalist Christianity/ quiverfull background myself. That said, my sons' father was very moody and domineering (the latter partly thanks to my desire to make him happy and bow to his every whim, which only made him worse and not more cheerful -- arrrgh!)... it took years for me to realize what was going on. I had no clue. Friends told me he was abusive and to me that meant he had to hit me.
He never laid a hand on me. I would have figured it out sooner if he had.
But eventually he went too far. He lost his so-valued control and snapped in front of a large gathering of family and friends. And at first I was upset with myself because clearly if I'd just kept quiet he'd not have embarrassed me like that.
I look back at how I thought and I shudder, because it was so Lifetime-TV-Movie-Wife-in-Denial. He was stressed. He had a difficult, exhausting job. He needed some peace and quiet. Anyway, to make a too-long story short, we're divorced and I'm now happily remarried.
Back in college both my roommates were in Campus Crusade for Christ, so I had a peripheral association with that organization. The branch at my school was heavily focused on a patriarchal, courtship-styled type of "dating" and marriage scenario, so many of the girls I was friends with felt incredibly strongly that they should follow this model. We'd discuss our differences, and in general arrive at an agreement to disagree. They were nice, so was I, so it wasn't some "ZOMG, they're trying to save me again!" scenario except on rare occasions.
But since that time I've been really interested in what would draw people to a patriarchal lifestyle -- and looking at how I describe my former marriage, it would seem I have those leanings myself although their basis wasn't in Christianity -- as well as the choice to eschew birth control. I love babies, and I adore my sons (ages 6 and 10), and I cannot tell you how relieved I am that my husband came to me fully-equipped with a vasectomy.
Vyckie, thank you so much for choosing to share your story with us. It is valuable not only for the quiverfull/ patriarchy issues with which you've dealt, but also the more subtle verbal and emotional abuse issues on which you've touched. I have been so interested in everyone's stories that have been told, and am grateful this forum exists to facilitate that sharing.
About myself, I'm 39, mother of the two afore-mentioned sons, married for the third and final time, and keeper of three homicidal cats and one very small dog. Also I stuck a link to my blog in the profile. Since I've read so much about so many of you, I figured you might as well have access to a bit of me. I will issue a slight language warning. I wouldn't put it over a PG-13 (especially since my mother started reading it and I've put a muzzle on myself wording-wise, LOL), but still, just be aware
Nice to be here! Now I have to figure out how to comment on KR's most excellent FAQ post, because she said so well things I have thought and believed for years. I just haven't been able to express those thoughts as well as she.
I was trying to think back to when I first came across Vyckie's blog, and I believe it was sometime after Anna Duggar's pregnancy was announced? I'm not positive, but I was thinking back and then reading through some of the introductions and saw someone mention that's when they found the blog and all I could think was "Gosh, I think that's when I found this place!
So it's sometime around then. I know it was back when NLQ was still hosted on Blogger, because I was following it with the "follow" function at that time. I'm pretty clueless about other subscription and RSS methods. I mean, I know they exist and such, but that's about it, so at this point I just check back every day or week or so to see if a new post is up.
I've not read the message boards as much as the blog entries, but I've been popping over here enough of late that I thought I should register and at least de-lurk rather than hiding in the shadows.
I don't have a patriarchy/ fundamentalist Christianity/ quiverfull background myself. That said, my sons' father was very moody and domineering (the latter partly thanks to my desire to make him happy and bow to his every whim, which only made him worse and not more cheerful -- arrrgh!)... it took years for me to realize what was going on. I had no clue. Friends told me he was abusive and to me that meant he had to hit me.
He never laid a hand on me. I would have figured it out sooner if he had.
But eventually he went too far. He lost his so-valued control and snapped in front of a large gathering of family and friends. And at first I was upset with myself because clearly if I'd just kept quiet he'd not have embarrassed me like that.
I look back at how I thought and I shudder, because it was so Lifetime-TV-Movie-Wife-in-Denial. He was stressed. He had a difficult, exhausting job. He needed some peace and quiet. Anyway, to make a too-long story short, we're divorced and I'm now happily remarried.
Back in college both my roommates were in Campus Crusade for Christ, so I had a peripheral association with that organization. The branch at my school was heavily focused on a patriarchal, courtship-styled type of "dating" and marriage scenario, so many of the girls I was friends with felt incredibly strongly that they should follow this model. We'd discuss our differences, and in general arrive at an agreement to disagree. They were nice, so was I, so it wasn't some "ZOMG, they're trying to save me again!" scenario except on rare occasions.
But since that time I've been really interested in what would draw people to a patriarchal lifestyle -- and looking at how I describe my former marriage, it would seem I have those leanings myself although their basis wasn't in Christianity -- as well as the choice to eschew birth control. I love babies, and I adore my sons (ages 6 and 10), and I cannot tell you how relieved I am that my husband came to me fully-equipped with a vasectomy.
Vyckie, thank you so much for choosing to share your story with us. It is valuable not only for the quiverfull/ patriarchy issues with which you've dealt, but also the more subtle verbal and emotional abuse issues on which you've touched. I have been so interested in everyone's stories that have been told, and am grateful this forum exists to facilitate that sharing.
About myself, I'm 39, mother of the two afore-mentioned sons, married for the third and final time, and keeper of three homicidal cats and one very small dog. Also I stuck a link to my blog in the profile. Since I've read so much about so many of you, I figured you might as well have access to a bit of me. I will issue a slight language warning. I wouldn't put it over a PG-13 (especially since my mother started reading it and I've put a muzzle on myself wording-wise, LOL), but still, just be aware
Nice to be here! Now I have to figure out how to comment on KR's most excellent FAQ post, because she said so well things I have thought and believed for years. I just haven't been able to express those thoughts as well as she.
