Post by jazz on Oct 8, 2009 15:50:39 GMT -5
I never heard of QF until last night. Someone on facebook made a remark about the Duggars. I had mentioned on my facebook wall about how sometimes homeschooling my son with Autism wears me out to the point of exhaustion. (I only have one child.) Then one of my newly rediscovered childhood friends, who also homeschools, said that she didn't know how the Duggars do it.
I had puzzled over her comment for a long while. I didn't know what a Duggar was! I thought she was just trying to use some goody-two-shoes way of saying a bad word. It certainly sounded like a curse word to me. Anyway, I ended up hitting the Google trail. I soon found out that Duggars are a family on TV. Due to my living situation, I don't get TV, and so I simply had no idea who these people were. My internet search lead me from the Duggars to QF, and then from QF to here.
I stayed up all night reading when I found this place. I am bound to fall out soon, so please forgive me if I don't make any sense while I attempt to string my words together.
I am not personally in QF, but I have been affected by this movement. It all started while growing up as a teenager in a Southern Baptist church which somehow slowly morphed into Fundamentalism. (I think the church I speak of has since been dropped by the Convention, but I'm not sure.)
Our entire church was mostly made up of QF families, even though I didn't know there was a label for them at the time. Each family would take up an entire pew. My parents, my dad and stepmother, envied these families, but my stepmother had had her tubes tied long ago. This envy began their quest to adopt as many kids as possible...starting from babyhood, in order to begin their indoctrination.
The oddity was that they decided that they wanted only black children. (I am of mixed raced; my father is white and my birth mother is black.) My parents became convinced that I, as the eldest, was such a compliant & obedient child that they wanted more kids just like me to start their army for God. (I am not sure what kind of message this sent to my two younger white siblings, but I can say that they have expressed dealing with feelings of inadequacy.)
Now that I am older, I have since dropped Christianity altogether. (I'm pagan now, but a not a very strict one.) I view my parents participation in their church as cult-like. Also, as a side note, my original birth mother was physically abusive. My stepmother was not much better, and I lived an emotionally traumatized life at the hands of her ugliness. I suffered daily. This is the true reason why I was such an obedient & submissive child. I was bullied into that state for years.
Anyway, with the conditioning I received, it's probably no shock that I now live in a marriage that is equally abusive...just not physically. It was also blessed by my father, as head of the household, that I should marry this guy. I had to ask for my father's permission to "court" and then marry this guy... the whole nine-yards. It was sickening to me, but I didn't want them to disown me so I went through with it. I had a very strict wedding. It remained completely in line with what my parents thought was appropriate. (My parents were deep into Bill Gothard's teachings at the time. They had drug me to all the seminars, and so I knew the danger if I didn't comply with their wishes.)
Luckily for me, my husband isn't religious at all. That would have made my life so much worse. I currently live in my own portion of the house, and everything is fine as long as I keep to myself. But I often go without things I need to be a person, because my life is made hellish when I do. Right now, though, my life is dedicated in trying to help my son...which as I have said, has autism. (Asperger's). Our homeschooling/virtual schooling actually works a lot better than what we were getting from regular public school. I found that when my son was in public school, I wasn't getting any support from any of the other mothers. It was not without my countless attempts to gain friends. I tried and tried. I am not outwardly pagan, but my aura or "essence of me" clearly is...and I think that is what scared them off. At any rate, I am thankful for the time I spend with my son. We have made great improvements in his education, particularly with his reading and writing. Even though I am tired a lot, homeschool has been a lot less stressful on both of us. My health shows it in particular. (I've had a couple near deaths under my belt, which were probably stress-related.)
But having to beg the husband for money just so I can buy tampons, and such...well, that part isn't easy, and it is often humiliating. I have been trying to get new shoes for myself for the past couple of months. It's not like he can't afford them. I told him that I wanted some Clarks, because the pair I have had have lasted for 10 years now. (My son is 10.) I'm still waiting. Meanwhile, the ones I have held together with duck-tape and superglue. The wildest part is that he'll buy our son new shoes, or whatever the child wants, without a blink of an eye. I don't want to be jealous of my son, but that's the position I'm put in.
I also wanted to mention that my friend who mentioned the Duggars. We are the exact same age. I went pagan, but from what I could tell from her facebook photos, she went the QF way. So while I think things are bad for me, I am glad that at least I don't have to deal with the religious restrictions she does. That would kill my spirit for sure.
So...yeah...that's me at the moment. I don't consider the situation to be permanent, but I'm also not sure when the switch from this limbo is going to happen. I did want to say that this site has been a very enlightening read, and I thank-you for it...
I had puzzled over her comment for a long while. I didn't know what a Duggar was! I thought she was just trying to use some goody-two-shoes way of saying a bad word. It certainly sounded like a curse word to me. Anyway, I ended up hitting the Google trail. I soon found out that Duggars are a family on TV. Due to my living situation, I don't get TV, and so I simply had no idea who these people were. My internet search lead me from the Duggars to QF, and then from QF to here.
I stayed up all night reading when I found this place. I am bound to fall out soon, so please forgive me if I don't make any sense while I attempt to string my words together.
I am not personally in QF, but I have been affected by this movement. It all started while growing up as a teenager in a Southern Baptist church which somehow slowly morphed into Fundamentalism. (I think the church I speak of has since been dropped by the Convention, but I'm not sure.)
Our entire church was mostly made up of QF families, even though I didn't know there was a label for them at the time. Each family would take up an entire pew. My parents, my dad and stepmother, envied these families, but my stepmother had had her tubes tied long ago. This envy began their quest to adopt as many kids as possible...starting from babyhood, in order to begin their indoctrination.
The oddity was that they decided that they wanted only black children. (I am of mixed raced; my father is white and my birth mother is black.) My parents became convinced that I, as the eldest, was such a compliant & obedient child that they wanted more kids just like me to start their army for God. (I am not sure what kind of message this sent to my two younger white siblings, but I can say that they have expressed dealing with feelings of inadequacy.)
Now that I am older, I have since dropped Christianity altogether. (I'm pagan now, but a not a very strict one.) I view my parents participation in their church as cult-like. Also, as a side note, my original birth mother was physically abusive. My stepmother was not much better, and I lived an emotionally traumatized life at the hands of her ugliness. I suffered daily. This is the true reason why I was such an obedient & submissive child. I was bullied into that state for years.
Anyway, with the conditioning I received, it's probably no shock that I now live in a marriage that is equally abusive...just not physically. It was also blessed by my father, as head of the household, that I should marry this guy. I had to ask for my father's permission to "court" and then marry this guy... the whole nine-yards. It was sickening to me, but I didn't want them to disown me so I went through with it. I had a very strict wedding. It remained completely in line with what my parents thought was appropriate. (My parents were deep into Bill Gothard's teachings at the time. They had drug me to all the seminars, and so I knew the danger if I didn't comply with their wishes.)
Luckily for me, my husband isn't religious at all. That would have made my life so much worse. I currently live in my own portion of the house, and everything is fine as long as I keep to myself. But I often go without things I need to be a person, because my life is made hellish when I do. Right now, though, my life is dedicated in trying to help my son...which as I have said, has autism. (Asperger's). Our homeschooling/virtual schooling actually works a lot better than what we were getting from regular public school. I found that when my son was in public school, I wasn't getting any support from any of the other mothers. It was not without my countless attempts to gain friends. I tried and tried. I am not outwardly pagan, but my aura or "essence of me" clearly is...and I think that is what scared them off. At any rate, I am thankful for the time I spend with my son. We have made great improvements in his education, particularly with his reading and writing. Even though I am tired a lot, homeschool has been a lot less stressful on both of us. My health shows it in particular. (I've had a couple near deaths under my belt, which were probably stress-related.)
But having to beg the husband for money just so I can buy tampons, and such...well, that part isn't easy, and it is often humiliating. I have been trying to get new shoes for myself for the past couple of months. It's not like he can't afford them. I told him that I wanted some Clarks, because the pair I have had have lasted for 10 years now. (My son is 10.) I'm still waiting. Meanwhile, the ones I have held together with duck-tape and superglue. The wildest part is that he'll buy our son new shoes, or whatever the child wants, without a blink of an eye. I don't want to be jealous of my son, but that's the position I'm put in.
I also wanted to mention that my friend who mentioned the Duggars. We are the exact same age. I went pagan, but from what I could tell from her facebook photos, she went the QF way. So while I think things are bad for me, I am glad that at least I don't have to deal with the religious restrictions she does. That would kill my spirit for sure.
So...yeah...that's me at the moment. I don't consider the situation to be permanent, but I'm also not sure when the switch from this limbo is going to happen. I did want to say that this site has been a very enlightening read, and I thank-you for it...
