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Post by sargassosea on Nov 2, 2009 18:18:16 GMT -5
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Post by xara on Nov 2, 2009 18:48:18 GMT -5
Angel. Yikes. I am glad your mom sided with you but the bit about your dads friends wanting to court you..... creepy.
One of my dad's friends hit on my sister at a bar once with my dad standing there. Dad's response was "I believe someone has been over-served."
I am glad you didn't get stuck with the robot.
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Post by km on Nov 2, 2009 18:53:43 GMT -5
This guy was my age, and knowing my dad, he was probably the only person I would ever get to court who was even close to my age. I’d better get this one or else be willing to court one of the many of my dad’s friends who were already asking for the privilege. This is really creepy, Angel. Ugh... So, these were, like, people in their 30's and 40's expressing interest in someone who was underage? Ugh ugh ugh... My sincerest sympathies. And I'm glad that, even in the midst of all that, your mom was on your side about Michael. When I first started hearing about courtship around the age of 13, it never really occurred to me quite how easily young girls could be coerced into relationships that they weren't interested in/ready for. I mean, I heard Jonathan Lindvall say that girls had "veto power" on the tape and everything, hah! I wasn't highly immersed in the lifestyle, and I heard about such an idealized version on the tapes. But just a cursory glance at most of the biggest QF websites these days suggests that it's not that unusual for underage girls to at least be engaged. I wouldn't have been very excited about a guy who never read fiction or who thought women's make-up should be regulated either... Yuck. I'm just glad your mom was able to stand up to your dad at times like that and that you didn't get coerced into a terrible marriage.
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Post by km on Nov 2, 2009 18:59:34 GMT -5
One of my dad's friends hit on my sister at a bar once with my dad standing there. Dad's response was "I believe someone has been over-served. This is also pretty creepy. So, now I'm curious about this... Is it pretty common for the dad's peers to express interest in young daughters among QF families? I mean, presumably the daughter in question was of age (at a bar and everything), but even so... The dad's friends? That is just... I mean, being a teenager/young adult is awkward enough. I can't imagine what kind of fucked up dynamic would be introduced if one suddenly had to be worried about the dad's older friends wanting to court. Just... Ew...
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Post by xara on Nov 2, 2009 19:08:24 GMT -5
One of my dad's friends hit on my sister at a bar once with my dad standing there. Dad's response was "I believe someone has been over-served. This is also pretty creepy. So, now I'm curious about this... Is it pretty common for the dad's peers to express interest in young daughters among QF families? I mean, presumably the daughter in question was of age (at a bar and everything), but even so... The dad's friends? That is just... I mean, being a teenager/young adult is awkward enough. I can't imagine what kind of fucked up dynamic would be introduced if one suddenly had to be worried about the dad's older friends wanting to court. Just... Ew... My family is not QF. My sister was like 21 or 22 at the time But I agree. EEEEW.
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Post by arietty on Nov 2, 2009 19:11:44 GMT -5
No it is not common for someone your father's age to express interest. In the FLDS church (mormon sect) yes, but in evangelical QF families, no. They usually match 'em up with a young man of similar age resulting in two homeschooled, isolated sometimes still teenagers getting married.
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Post by km on Nov 2, 2009 19:23:15 GMT -5
No it is not common for someone your father's age to express interest. In the FLDS church (mormon sect) yes, but in evangelical QF families, no. They usually match 'em up with a young man of similar age resulting in two homeschooled, isolated sometimes still teenagers getting married. Right, I was thinking it sounded very FLDS. Wouldn't you say it differs according to QF community, though? I mean, I've definitely seen a lot of young women get married to substantially older men. Not as old as the fathers, but a good ten years or so. And that's a big difference for an 18 or 20 year old.
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Post by arietty on Nov 2, 2009 19:32:14 GMT -5
No it is not common for someone your father's age to express interest. In the FLDS church (mormon sect) yes, but in evangelical QF families, no. They usually match 'em up with a young man of similar age resulting in two homeschooled, isolated sometimes still teenagers getting married. Right, I was thinking it sounded very FLDS. Wouldn't you say it differs according to QF community, though? I mean, I've definitely seen a lot of young women get married to substantially older men. Not as old as the fathers, but a good ten years or so. And that's a big difference for an 18 or 20 year old. So why weren't these men married before that? Are these the unmarriable ones that no one picked so now they get into the QF subculture and get given a wife?
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Post by lattelaura on Nov 2, 2009 19:34:44 GMT -5
I second the relieved feeling that your mom was against you getting involved with that boy!
Cute cartoon at the top of the post, BTW!
My family wasn't into "courting," but I was required to only "date" acceptable Christian boys. Fortunately there were only a handful of boys my age in our small fundamentalist cult-church and they didn't work out for one reason or another. (One was on drugs, one was SO boring, one was slimy, and one was like a brother.)
So when I was 18 and could leave, I did. And pretty much the sole reason was because I was super boy crazy and needed to find a larger pool of "Christian" boys to choose from.
It seemed logical to me at the time! Looking back I think it's pretty funny that the only reason I left that church was to pick up guys!
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Post by km on Nov 2, 2009 19:56:05 GMT -5
So why weren't these men married before that? Are these the unmarriable ones that no one picked so now they get into the QF subculture and get given a wife? No, that's not what I meant. My sense was just that men could get married later within the system. I mean... Aren't they supposed to be able to provide for a family and stuff before they start courting?
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Post by arietty on Nov 2, 2009 20:04:15 GMT -5
You would think so but I've seen a lot of very young ones getting married. Got to get them married off so you can stop worrying about them falling into sexual sin.
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Post by Heather on Nov 2, 2009 22:32:46 GMT -5
I loved this post-- it reminded me a lot of what my sister went through. I think she had two or three Courtship proposals that she turned down... eventually the "right" guy came knocking and they courted, married and now have two kids. Myself, I knew somehow that I would NEVER EVER court. I guess this realization came from watching my sister and a lot of other friends. It always just seemed so stylized and awkward... plus I'd hate to have so much parental involvement in my private life. ;D
arietty-- how true! i've seen a lot of my friends "married off" early for that same reason.
Conversely, I also have several friends from the QF circles who remain at home unmarried and are in their late 20s or early 30s. Sometimes I wonder what is going on with this? A dearth of "acceptable" men perhaps? Does anyone else know a lot of unmarried QF daughters?
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Post by arietty on Nov 2, 2009 22:40:21 GMT -5
arietty-- how true! i've seen a lot of my friends "married off" early for that same reason. Conversely, I also have several friends from the QF circles who remain at home unmarried and are in their late 20s or early 30s. Sometimes I wonder what is going on with this? A dearth of "acceptable" men perhaps? Does anyone else know a lot of unmarried QF daughters? I've known a lot of QF children who are now adults who most people would see as un-marriable, both the males and females. It's hard to envisage someone getting married who is in their 20's yet still lives like a child in their parent's home, sharing a room with siblings and obeying their parents. Who dresses like they only wear clothes from a 1950's thrift store. Who never socializes beyond church and is completely disconnected from their own generation as far as books, films, music and interests goes. Who is just plain odd to talk to.
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Post by hopewell on Nov 3, 2009 10:38:15 GMT -5
So much like radical Islam or FLDS. I hope you fell to your knees in gratitude that your Mom took your side [just kidding]. This is among the many sides of QF life that we will never see on "18 Kids and Counting" [i.e. the Duggars] and which those "their such nice folks" fans need to hear and see.
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Post by Angelia Sparrow on Nov 3, 2009 15:27:19 GMT -5
Older men expressing interest in teen girls is universal, not limited to QF or FLDS.
Angel, I'm glad you didn't have to deal with Boring!Michael.
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