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Post by philosophia on Dec 15, 2009 2:58:46 GMT -5
If you scroll up a bit in this topic, Body Image Solutions can be a post all on its own. Thanks, Vyckie, I believe that the issue of poor body image is often linked to physical, verbal and emotional abuse because it contributes to low self esteem and is often a target of abusers for that reason. If they can make you think you're ugly and no other man would want you, it's easier to keep you feeling dependent on them. I know it was a factor in my own marriage. I remember a recent conversation with my STBX when he was trying to convince me of something. Out of the blue he says, "Oh, I never noticed that scar on your nose before. It isn't very bad." Oh, yes, thanks! We've only been married 26 years. Either you never looked at me before or you are a manipulative ***hole.
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Post by tapati on Dec 15, 2009 7:01:06 GMT -5
If you scroll up a bit in this topic, Body Image Solutions can be a post all on its own. Thanks, Vyckie, I believe that the issue of poor body image is often linked to physical, verbal and emotional abuse because it contributes to low self esteem and is often a target of abusers for that reason. If they can make you think you're ugly and no other man would want you, it's easier to keep you feeling dependent on them. I know it was a factor in my own marriage. I remember a recent conversation with my STBX when he was trying to convince me of something. Out of the blue he says, "Oh, I never noticed that scar on your nose before. It isn't very bad." Oh, yes, thanks! We've only been married 26 years. Either you never looked at me before or you are a manipulative ***hole. {{{hugs}}} Good thing he's an STBX!!!!
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fern
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Post by fern on Dec 15, 2009 8:16:36 GMT -5
I love this thread!
My "evil ex" used to ask me stuff like "are you gonna pork out?" and stuff like that. Really annoying.
My current husband is usually pretty good about body issues but he does have some issues with large ladies because his mother was very abusive to him and she was large. I think he is coming to an awareness of why he reacts the way he does and that it is inappropriate to judge folks over size (especially since he carries around a belly of his own, LOL!).
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Dec 15, 2009 17:05:19 GMT -5
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Post by jemand on Dec 15, 2009 17:44:43 GMT -5
I love this thread! My "evil ex" used to ask me stuff like "are you gonna pork out?" and stuff like that. Really annoying. My current husband is usually pretty good about body issues but he does have some issues with large ladies because his mother was very abusive to him and she was large. I think he is coming to an awareness of why he reacts the way he does and that it is inappropriate to judge folks over size (especially since he carries around a belly of his own, LOL!). My ex would "joke" like that too, as well as make disparaging remarks about my hair and makeup (or lack thereof) but then also disparage other women for putting too much on. Couldn't win. Luckily for me, I actually did have a fairly decent body image and self esteem, and I think that was part of what allowed me to be independent and leave him. I'm now with someone awesome, who if I share my most personal "body issues" I'm not comfortable talking to anyone else about he just hugs me and tells me I'm pretty. Granted, that's definitely *why* I trust him to tell him stuff lol.
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Dec 15, 2009 18:48:11 GMT -5
Just so you all know ~ the most interesting body image discussions are going on in the chat room: nlq.gixawchat.com. That's where we've been telling stories that we don't dare post in a public forum. Actually, I might write some of it here ~ some, but not all. 'Cuz you know, some things you just can't say in front of your Mimi ~ LOL
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Post by tapati on Dec 16, 2009 0:14:20 GMT -5
"I've noticed when I treat my body like an instrument instead of an ornament, my relationship with food completely changes."--Alanis Morissette
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Post by Sierra on Dec 16, 2009 5:25:36 GMT -5
"I've noticed when I treat my body like an instrument instead of an ornament, my relationship with food completely changes."--Alanis Morissette This is absolutely the revelation that led me out of my eating disorder. I developed anorexia at 14. It was acute for about a year, and as anyone who's experienced an eating disorder knows, there is never a solid endpoint. One of the ways that I was able to overcome the problem was by beginning a regular exercise routine. I've found that exercise helps regulate my hormones and prevent the wicked mood swings that used to throw me into the binge and purge cycle. I've found that using my body, especially lifting weights, has encouraged me to think about it kindly, to be proud of what it can do and to feed it things that make it feel better. Frankly, after a workout, the idea of cheesy nachos is about as appealing as tire grease, because my body wants nutrients. Other times, I do want salt and sugar and I eat them. But as long as I am active, it's easier to eat well. I've also noticed that going to the gym and becoming aware of my own anatomy has given me a sense of insulation against the idiocy of magazine covers and advertising images of photoshopped women. I can tell when there are supposed to be ribs somewhere and they've been photoshopped out (looking at you, Victoria's Secret). And now it makes me laugh/cry at the stupidity of our culture for buying into an ideal that is physically impossible (and highly undesirable - I like my ribs!), but I no longer possess the urge to compare those images to my own body. My body is real, has bones and muscles, and does things. It's not supposed to look like a digitally manipulated paper doll. I really love this website for its no-nonsense approach to weight training (women can do it, and they can do it well!) and nutrition. It's not about body acceptance, per se, but it is about good training and realistic expectations. Plus, it's got a great title: www.stumptuous.com
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Dec 16, 2009 19:31:53 GMT -5
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Post by singingbird on Dec 16, 2009 22:55:08 GMT -5
Hi All! I just wanted to point you towards some online resources for FA The Fantasy of Being Thin is one of those articles that is going to go down in the Fat Acceptance 101 class some day as jargon. It's all about the idea that "if I lose 20lbs, then my life will be perfect" kateharding.net/2007/11/27/the-fantasy-of-being-thin/Kate Harding Blogs over at Shapely Prose with 4 other bloggers about Fat Acceptance, Health at Every Size, Feminism, and popculture. kateharding.netShe's also a paid blogger over at Broad Sheet on Salon and has a book out with Marriane Kirby called Lessons from the Fat-o-Sphere: How to Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with your Body. Michelle over that The Fat Nutritionist is pretty awesome and blogs about what "normal" eating is as well as how to talk to the medical community about your health and size. fatnutritionist.com/April is really cheerful and into baby animals and putting FA into context. Shapely Prose, The Rotund, and The F Word are the blogs where the war cries and new ideas and terminology are written. April shows how to incorporate them in to your life. roundshape.wordpress.com/The Rotund is written by Marriane Kirby and she's not posting much lately. Her archives are well worth the look if anyone is interested. www.therotund.com/Rachel writes the F Word which is all about FA and Eating Disorder recovery. It's more of a serious blog than the others though she also has days of just posting lol cats. the-f-word.org/blog/For women still having children or are concerned about childbirth, The Well-Rounded Mama is a blog and blogger concerned with FA, parenting, childbirth, and midwifery. wellroundedmama.blogspot.com/I know this is a whole lot of linkage going on here, so if you were only going to check out one I'd say to take a look at the Fantasy of Being Thin and the first 20 or so comments. Also be aware that most of these women, while being excellent writers, have a potty mouth. They didn't set out to offend anyone, but they feel really strongly about their subject matter and curse up a storm about the more heinous things we all deal with on a daily basis. Forewarned is forearmed, right? Tapati, this was a really excellent summation of Health at Every Size! ;D I was so surprised and pleased to see it being discussed outside the fatosphere!
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Post by tapati on Dec 17, 2009 2:39:54 GMT -5
Thank you for all the links! I'm not completely current on the sites since I've been busy the past few years on other projects.
I think body image applies across the board these days, and that those in the size acceptance movement have a lot to teach everyone else about how to cultivate a positive body image. These basic principles that we learned can be applied to all sorts of body image issues. From the beginning it was my desire to see other people make the same connections we did and become empowered.
Everywhere I go I eventually talk about body image and it is always well received.
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Dec 22, 2009 17:44:02 GMT -5
A definite candidate for Tapati's Body Image Workshop:
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Jan 28, 2010 8:04:38 GMT -5
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mari
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Post by mari on Jan 30, 2010 23:20:52 GMT -5
omg she's gorgeous!
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