Long time lurker...

[kalikat]

Hi all,
I'm a longtime lurker/faithful reader who has finally felt compelled to introduce herself.

I was raised by (fairly) liberal Catholic parents and the strong influence of a (more) liberal Catholic grandmother and an awesome super-liberal New-agey aunt. The reason why I'm so fascinated by the QF/Funementalist life-style, is that my husband was raised this way.

His parents where/ are fundamentalist Christians. He was home-schooled (including a brief stint with ATI, but for all of their faults, when my husband and his siblings begged their parents to stop going the Gothard route, they actually listened--though I do suspect the money factor had a lot to do with it).

There's a lot of unbelievable, scary stories he's told me about his childhood...and I guess I don't really feel comfortable sharing a lot of them, partially because they're not mine to share, and partially because I'm honestly sort of paranoid that his family will somehow come across what I've written...(and honestly, I really am afraid of them...Well, his parents anyway...)

He's contemplating starting a blog and/or a memoir about "growing up fundie", which I'm super supportive of...

Anyway, there is hope! My husband was raised with patriarchal, homophobic, escapist values and yet somehow ended up growing up to be someone who marches for gay rights, votes for democrats, and supports planned parenthood and public schools ;D
Out of his 8 brothers and sisters 2 of his siblings seem to have stayed the course 3, like him have gone in opposite directions, and 2 are still very conservative Christians, but definitely more mainstream.
From what I've observed (looking at a lot of the families he grew up with, many of whom are still close to his family, or certain members of his family, depending on the path that they've chosen), this seems to be a fairly "typical" senario.

Anyway, I've been really inspired (but NOT "encouraged"...in the 5 years I've known my husband I've heard that word so many times from my in-laws that it's now currently banned from my vocabulary) by all of the amazing, intelligent, and thoughtful blog entries I've read here at NLQ...now that I've finally introduced myself, I'm hoping to actually take part in more discussion.

Kalikat

[jemand]

welcome to the forums!

[xara]

welcome kalikat.

[arietty]

Welcome!! If you husband decides to start the blog I hope you post the link. Stories from the children of this movement are only just starting to come out--I think they will be very powerful.

[margybargy]

Welcome! I was raised sort of moderate Catholic, I guess. My mom was the only really religious one in our family. My husband was raised fundie - though not as extreme as your husband. He still clings to some fundie ideas. So the fact that your husband has done a 180 is....sorry......encouraging.

[blair]

Hi! Glad you're here. I really hope your husband starts that blog.

[kalikat]

Thanks for the warm welcome!

Today I asked my husband if he remembered the show "The Wonder Years".
He said, sort of, but that he didn't really watch any TV from 1992 to about 1996. I said "Oh, was that when your family did ATI?"

He was really impressed that I knew the initials. I told him that at this point, from all of the ex/anti QF blogs and literature that I've read that I probably new more about it than he did. He agreed, lol.

He mentioned that he remembers going to headquarters and meeting Bill Gothard, and that on the way he asked his parents something to the effect of; "So, how many kids does Bill Gothard have".
When they told him none, I guess that's when his Bull-shit detector really started to go off.
I wanted to ask him more, like how the heck his super-cheap parents agreed to pay a ridiculous amount of money for ATI for 4 years (I guess I didn't realize it was that long), but then, believe it or not, his father called (this is a fairly rare occurrence) so I never got my answer.

I don't like to bring it up the homeschool/QF stuff a lot because it's painful for him (and I'm not usually very good about keeping my anger about the whole thing to myself).

[krwordgazer]

Welcome, Kalikat! Thanks for sharing your very interesting story!

[kalikat]

So if anyone is interested, the husband and I were able to pick up where we left off with the Gothard Discussion yesterday (I know he wouldn't mind me sharing this).
He said that at ATI events it was really easy to tell which kids were the "good kids" and which kids were the "bad kids" (i.e. those who had drunk the proverbial kool-aid and were basically Gothard cheerleaders, and those who weren't down with the polo shirts, no T.V. no rock music, no fun lifestyle).

He said that his family only went to actual ATI events a few times so he was always "the new kid", but that this "good kid/bad kid" dynamic was blatantly obvious. There was no gray area, just black and white, you were a good kid or a bad kid, period.
A (which I will hence forth refer to my better half as in order to avoid endless pronouns), would always end up talking to the "bad kids" who were willing to give him the REAL scoop.
A said that the interesting thing was that the ATI leaders wouldn't yell at the "bad kids" or kick them out of activities, instead they would be SUPER nice to them. According to him there was a big double standard the " bad kids" were supposed to be treated with "love and grace" (Grace--another word I can no longer stand!) but once they were "good kids" that's when all of the rules ridiculous expectations came in.
Anyway, the rest of the stuff he told me I (and I think most of you) already know--it's pretty common knowledge; only dresses for girls, no rock music, TV, etc.
He did say that once people got really deep into ATI (past the Basic Seminar I think--I guess his family went to the Basic Seminars and used the wisdom booklets for homeschool, but didn't get in too much deeper than that) that (at least according to the "bad kids" he talked to) all of the boys had to wear white polos and blue pants. I'd never heard of that before. Maybe it was a regional thing? Or a brief ATI trend in the early 90's? Or possibley just a child's exaggeration.

Then I asked A specifically about "Quiverfull" after he reminded me of his father's two vasectomy reversals--something super common in ATI circles I guess . I asked if his parents ever used the word "Quiverfull" (because actually, though I've heard his sister and parents spout off QF "values" I'd never heard them utter the word) and he said "No, never". He hadn't actually ever heard the term until I brought it up a year or so ago.
But he basically confirmed that being into ATI means someone IS QF.
His words: "They don't believe in rock music, do you think they're gonna believe in birth control"?

Anyway, It's been really interesting to watch A revisit some of this stuff. As a child he knew something was off, but as he reads about fundamentalism and the motivation behind it, he's sort of realizing how truly truly looney tunes people like Gothard are.

Thanks for letting me share some of this with all of you here (there's really not a lot of people I can share it with).

Peace,
Kalikat

[catlady2323]

Hello and Welcome,

I find your comments about your husbands experiences fascinating. I attended the Gothard Basic Seminars in 1977. I still have my notes !

Would love to read a blog on the reminisces of someone that was raised this way. I aspired to raise my children using the Gothard guidelines, and the Quiverfull/Patriarchy model. Fortunately my three kids were spared due to a college professor father that was well-grounded in reality.

Please post the link if your husband does start his own blog.