Another long-time lurker!

[becky]

I guess I should finally introduce myself since I've been lurking for months and months (and I just posted over on Sierra's most recent post and should give a little back story)!

I grew up attending church, became a Christian around age 7. It seemed like the only viable solution to the ridiculously over-burdened guilty conscience I had somehow acquired. (I'm a recovering perfectionist; apparently I started young!)

I spent a lot of time working really hard to be "spiritual" growing up b/c it was one of the few forms of expression that my parents felt was safe and wouldn't meddle with.

I didn't really think that my church experience growing up was very inherently very fundamentalist, but I think that I needed to excel and chose the most extreme version. OTOH, I hear stories from less darling members of my age group about the looks and comments they received for not performing well enough. It's hard to say b/c I was careful to never let my "godliness" be questioned.

I didn't really start loosening up inwardly till I was out of grad school, but at that point we (my DH and I) were attending a Presbyterian church that has a pretty strong homeschool, lotsa babies, quasi-theocratic bent. We had a daughter much earlier than I had ever thought I would (although it was definitely my idea), and I think I would have probably wanted to have more (there were not a lot of career options for me in the medium-sized southern city we were living in while my husband got his advanced degree) if all the women who were pressing the lifestyle didn't seem to bemoan their lot in life scheduling their babies (a la Babywise) and spanking the sin out of their toddlers.

I still identify as a Christian, but my horizons have radically broadened in the last two years. (And since we moved ~18mos ago, I've been happily free from the toxicity of that semi-QF environment.) I've absolutely loved following the conversation here.

[asteli]

Welcome!

[scottinal]

Hi,

BABYWISE!! My wife was a contact mom for the Ezzos. Good thing we abandoned all that fairly early in our parenting. Were you PCA? We left the PCA over a year ago (after 20 years) and, although as far as evangelical denominations go its got a lot to commend it, we've never looked back.

Scott

[becky]

Thanks for the welcome:)

Scott, it was a PCA church, actually. It's funny - we're still at one after our cross-country move, but the difference is night and day. I don't think we would have been, except for a confluence of circumstances that made it really seem to make sense to give it a try. Both my DH and I felt pretty badly burned, but this new church has been okay for me and really positive for him, so I'm happy to stick around for awhile. I'm still constantly finding myself with the most non-conservative opinions in the room, theologically or politically, but now that I don't feel like I might get sent to talk to the elders about it I feel an awful lot better about sticking around with my differing opinions. ;D

I was just thinking today about our old church - and how there were people there who moved off to VA to live in some kind of agricultural community who were strongly in favor of a lot of this QF stuff, as well as some more semi-dominionist, semi-separationist stuff, so much so that they were *not getting their daughter a social security number because she wasn't ever going to need one to work outside of the home.* And the thing was, they were at the extreme end of our congregation, but not so far that people thought they were nuts. "Unhealthy," maybe, but not *wrong*.

Did your family leave b/c of a theological shift, or just time to move on?

[scottinal]

becky,

you won't believe this but one of our friends also uprooted his family and moved them to VIRGINIA to be involved into a "Family-Integrated", separated, semi-dominionist church and so he could go to "seminary" among those folks. On the one hand, my old church was mainstream enough that most people were smart enough to put that family into the "nutter" category and didn't buy into their worldview. That being said, "he was an elder in the church before he left. Most concerning to me is that there were several young families that really admired and respected this family because they were so "godly" and I think to this day those young families very much buy into some of the QF/P worldview even though they haven't moved away to Virginia (yet).

Ultimately, my wife and I left for various reasons, personal, theological and political. The two final straws for me was 1) when the PCA at the 2008 General Assembly decided TO NOT EVEN FORM A STUDY COMMITTEE on the issue of allowing deaconesses (who would not preach or teach) in the church. I was so mad about that. and 2) The election last year. I have moved substantially to the left politically over the years (I love Obama and you wouldn't hurt my feelings if you called me a socialist) and my wife and I were literally the ONLY ones in the entire church who supported Obama.

We still haven't settled out where we'll be for sure in the end, but I think we'll be nice liberal Episcopalians. Even if we moved I don't think we could go to a PCA church again because of the teaching on women (and the fact that they're not willing to have a conversation about it). The one exception is I might would go Tim Keller's church in Manhattan.

[becky]

Scott,

Wow, what is with the exodus to VA?

I totally get your reasons for moving on from the PCA. I think I missed the '08 General Assembly details because we were moving (and not as many people here make the pilgrimage and bring back stories). That is a ridiculous decision.

I know what you mean about becoming Episcopalian, too! My daughter's pre-school shares space at an Episcopal church and everytime I go upstairs, I see all their posters for social action and community outreach and I want to go sign up. Whenever we're ready to move on, I have some strong opinions on where I'd like to head next!