Post by kiery on Feb 22, 2010 18:23:51 GMT -5
Hi, I'm Kierstyn, but most people call me Kiery (I really don't care either way 
). I'll be 19 this weekend, and I'm recently married/recently abandoned QFness. I'm the oldest of 10 children/8 living (two stillborns, I still count them because I ran the house for those pregnancies too). My parents got into the whole QF thing when I was about 8, so I still have faint memories of normal times, with just me and my brother and my sister...before we started this crazy journey into having oodles of children and friendships that only lasted about a year at best (before there was some major doctrinal disagreement).
I practically raised my siblings every 9 months for about 10 consecutive years while my mom would tell me what to do. The thing is, I guess, that when you're raising your siblings, you never really stop, even after mom is back on her feet again. The youngest ones called me mom on accident a few times, and the youngest sibling I have is 18 years younger than I am, and to be honest that kinda messes with me a little. I wasn't around for her birth, but something about knowing I'm old enough to have been the mother of two of my siblings just feels weird (mostly because I've been asked that several times).
I never liked it, but I fully bought into the lies that come with the whole QF and Patriarchal life. I could never please my mom, I was guilted into things, God's blessing was hung over my head like a carrot if I kept doing what my parents wanted to, He'd bless me. If I didn't do what they wanted to, well "I don't see how God can bless this". I finally "woke up" when I was 17 and my parents were interfering with my relationship with my (now) husband. They would keep me up late telling me how bad he was (he's not, all their "huge red flags" with him and his family were worked out and weren't anything but miscommunications). My parents tried to guilt me into doing the "right" thing, when they couldn't guilt me into a breakup (by guilting I mean, telling me that I wasn't hearing God correctly, and they knew best, because they are my parents and I'm supposed to honor them), they tried to bribe me ($300 will not buy my love), and when that didn't work, they emailed both of us and told us we couldn't talk to each other anymore.
It was at that point I really started questioning _everything_. I was mad at them, mad at God, mad at myself, I blamed myself, my heart was torn, I was horribly depressed to the point where cutting made complete sense and suicide sounded pleasant. I realized that I would never and can never be the stay-at-home-all-her-life daughter they wanted me to be, and still live and be myself. I felt like I was losing bits myself every day, and I only had to be there 6 more months. If it weren't for my husband's pastor and his family loving and accepting me through all of this, I honestly don't think I"d be a Christian. Probably Zen or something like that.
So, I left on my 18th birthday, and a year later, here I am. I'm happily married with a great man who's so patient and helping me pick up the pieces along with some friends in the same situation. I'm discovering who I am and what it means to be _me_ not my parent's child, but me, Kierstyn Elnora King, a decision making adult. I feel like I've spent 10 years raising a family, so my husband and I are waiting at least that long before we have kids, hopefully I'll start/finish college and we can do great things together. It's nice to be free and full of life again. Places like this are ever so helpful and I've really been encouraged and it's helped me become braver.
Thanks.
). I'll be 19 this weekend, and I'm recently married/recently abandoned QFness. I'm the oldest of 10 children/8 living (two stillborns, I still count them because I ran the house for those pregnancies too). My parents got into the whole QF thing when I was about 8, so I still have faint memories of normal times, with just me and my brother and my sister...before we started this crazy journey into having oodles of children and friendships that only lasted about a year at best (before there was some major doctrinal disagreement). I practically raised my siblings every 9 months for about 10 consecutive years while my mom would tell me what to do. The thing is, I guess, that when you're raising your siblings, you never really stop, even after mom is back on her feet again. The youngest ones called me mom on accident a few times, and the youngest sibling I have is 18 years younger than I am, and to be honest that kinda messes with me a little. I wasn't around for her birth, but something about knowing I'm old enough to have been the mother of two of my siblings just feels weird (mostly because I've been asked that several times).
I never liked it, but I fully bought into the lies that come with the whole QF and Patriarchal life. I could never please my mom, I was guilted into things, God's blessing was hung over my head like a carrot if I kept doing what my parents wanted to, He'd bless me. If I didn't do what they wanted to, well "I don't see how God can bless this". I finally "woke up" when I was 17 and my parents were interfering with my relationship with my (now) husband. They would keep me up late telling me how bad he was (he's not, all their "huge red flags" with him and his family were worked out and weren't anything but miscommunications). My parents tried to guilt me into doing the "right" thing, when they couldn't guilt me into a breakup (by guilting I mean, telling me that I wasn't hearing God correctly, and they knew best, because they are my parents and I'm supposed to honor them), they tried to bribe me ($300 will not buy my love), and when that didn't work, they emailed both of us and told us we couldn't talk to each other anymore.
It was at that point I really started questioning _everything_. I was mad at them, mad at God, mad at myself, I blamed myself, my heart was torn, I was horribly depressed to the point where cutting made complete sense and suicide sounded pleasant. I realized that I would never and can never be the stay-at-home-all-her-life daughter they wanted me to be, and still live and be myself. I felt like I was losing bits myself every day, and I only had to be there 6 more months. If it weren't for my husband's pastor and his family loving and accepting me through all of this, I honestly don't think I"d be a Christian. Probably Zen or something like that.
So, I left on my 18th birthday, and a year later, here I am. I'm happily married with a great man who's so patient and helping me pick up the pieces along with some friends in the same situation. I'm discovering who I am and what it means to be _me_ not my parent's child, but me, Kierstyn Elnora King, a decision making adult. I feel like I've spent 10 years raising a family, so my husband and I are waiting at least that long before we have kids, hopefully I'll start/finish college and we can do great things together. It's nice to be free and full of life again. Places like this are ever so helpful and I've really been encouraged and it's helped me become braver.
Thanks.
