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Post by setfree on Mar 21, 2010 6:47:48 GMT -5
G'day there I am Setfree.
I'm 42, married, three children, one angel baby.
DH & I brought up in Gothard-influenced churches of the legalistic 80s. His church had doilies for the women.
16 years on the "mission field" and enough misogyny there to last a millenium.
There we met hard core QFers, and were eventually shunned, which is a big deal in a very small community where you depend on eachother for survival and community in a hostile foreign country.
I felt so alone, that i was the only one perceiving the doctrine as toxic or espite the appalling damage being done to these women, who were my close friends, before my eyes.
The full story will come flooding out soon, I'm sure.
What a relief. It's not just me.
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Post by grandmalou on Mar 21, 2010 8:28:28 GMT -5
Welcome, Setfree...and we are glad you ARE, and that you are here with us!
I know all of us are looking forward to your story as it comes flooding out!
(((HUGS)))
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Post by dangermom on Mar 21, 2010 10:25:46 GMT -5
Hello! I look forward to hearing your story. (Doilies? Does that mean lacy headcoverings?)
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Post by xara on Mar 21, 2010 12:06:34 GMT -5
Welcome Setfree. I am glad you found us. I look forward to reading your story when you are ready to tell it. If you are not, that is cool too. Just connecting with others who have had similar experiences can be healing and validating.
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Post by kiery on Mar 21, 2010 16:34:35 GMT -5
Wow, that must have been so hard, shunning is bad enough when you live somewhere with lots of people, let alone a small community. Are you still there, or have you moved? I'm so glad you're here  |
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Post by setfree on Mar 22, 2010 4:48:04 GMT -5
Whew, I'm glad I'm here too. it's been a lonely road to here. I just posted a quote from Quivering Daughters (which jumped off the page at me when i read it) on my farcebook page. I can't believe the controversy that ensued! "The pressure to look like a godly woman, controlled by performance-based love, acceptance, or approval, is nothing less than a death sentence for many girls raised within a fundamentalist environment." - The Quiverful Daughter Some of my "friends" (  ) said they thought the QD blog was "dangerous", "disturbing", "untruthful", "misleading" and then there's this clanger: "I just don't understand how one would say that Patriarchy is not God's design or why it is seen as so evil?" God, where to even START??? I forgot to say, I am still a Christian, and i really. really. understand why many people walk away from Christianity altogether after being burned by Christian legalism. I am a Christian who says s.hit and f.uck a lot (is that OK in here??? Tell me if not, I promise I'll be good ... just so you know that I'm not a *nice* Christian IYKWIM! I guess what I mean is I suck at being a Good Girl. Since i was young I had this yearning for freedom. I liked wholesome rules all right, but any kind of injustice really got my attention. Somehow i had a a kind of "rebellious" or untamed part of me (the Wild Woman??) that survived even all the "you are Jezebel if you are capable of independent thought" and "touch not the Lord's anointed" and "rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft" heavies. I believe it is the authentic soul of a free person/woman which God never intended to be quashed. It took a while to shed that black cloak of shame and *really believe* that He is delighted with me being this way. But yes, way to seriouslly ruffle the fine robes of the pharisees. Just be an independent intelligent woman with a sense of fairness and a heart for mercy and justice and truth - and watch while you lose friends and alienate people left right and centre. Blurt blurt blurt, so much more .... thank you for your understanding, I KNOW you know how I feel and i look forward to hearing about your journeys too. My mother didn't have 11 kids. We didn't have to wear long skirts. Hardly anyone homebirthed or homeschooled - and now I do both, which is an extremely radical feminist stance (heh heh, it messes with stereotypes!) So my experiences with legalism and religious misogyny are perhaps tamer than what others have been through. But I've seen for sure how much damage even a little of the pharisee's yeast can do ... I can't imagine how awful it must be under regimes worse than what i was in. |
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Mar 22, 2010 6:54:27 GMT -5
Welcome, Setfree  ~ I look forward to getting to know you better when I get home from my trip to Minneapolis ~ sorry I missed you in the chat room yesterday. |
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Hillary
Full Member
"Quivering Daughters ~ Hope and Healing for the Daughters of Patriarchy" Now Available!
Posts: 129
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Post by Hillary on Mar 22, 2010 7:32:52 GMT -5
{{Set Free}} You are a true inspiration. Welcome to NLQ. I love hearing your background ~ I am sorry for the trouble with your friends.  <3 |
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Post by grandmalou on Mar 22, 2010 12:21:35 GMT -5
Setfree, there are a pretty good # of us here who are Christians. I am one, not ashamed of the gospel...that word (gospel) still means good news to me. I say, never apologize for who you are...we are real here, period. This is what it will take for healing. And if a rant sometimes produces an off-color word while expressing the years of bottled up anger, (I am just as apt to slip as anybody else) well, occasionally young people read these posts and most of us try not to get too carried away in our language. But nobody will slap us upside the head if we 'lose it' sometimes. This blog is for healing.  |
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Post by setfree on Mar 23, 2010 3:53:14 GMT -5
If I got slapped upside the head each time i used *ahem* ... 'colourful' language, I'd have brain damage by now ... Thank you for your loving assurances. QD please don't be sorry. I admire your courage and graciousness and I am proud of what you are doing. If some of my friends get a little tipped off their doctrinal perches that's OK, maybe it needed to happen. I am willing to bold and outspoken about these issues. (Don't even get me started on birth rights!  ) |
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Post by Gracious on Mar 24, 2010 3:19:39 GMT -5
Yay for birth rights!
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Post by setfree on Mar 28, 2010 7:10:45 GMT -5
Absolutely, TWW! Lovely to meet you in the chat room. A fellow Aussie! So much of what you said has stayed with me. I tried to find you on FB but was unable - feel free to 'stalk' me. I'd love to meet you IRL.
I'm posting to ask a technical question.
I would like to read Vyckie's story on NLQ but it is asking for a password. I used my google password, and the one for the chat room, but neither of those work. Is it some other password?
TIA if you can help me out.
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Post by xara on Mar 28, 2010 17:01:32 GMT -5
Hi Setfree. I think Vyckie had to take down her story for now because she is trying to sell her book to publishers who may not want the story available for free. I know she was planning to do so soon but was not sure if she had already done so or not. Some of her story can be read from the links on this page: nolongerquivering.com/what-its-all-about/I hope that helps. |
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) said they thought the QD blog was "dangerous", "disturbing", "untruthful", "misleading" and then there's this clanger:
~ I look forward to getting to know you better when I get home from my trip to Minneapolis ~ sorry I missed you in the chat room yesterday. 
<3
)