Post by humbletigger on Apr 25, 2010 13:14:50 GMT -5
I mostly lurk, but I occasionally comment. I have been on the fringes of the QF movement, but I never fell in- although I have had some friendly pushes on occasion! LOL I always managed to keep my footing.
So, most of my experience with QF is from a distance, but still painful.
I am one of four daughters raised by an NPD mother out on the Great Plains. Fundamentalist religion, Bill Gothard, and feminism were interwoven in my mom's scary world of insanity. Quite the mix. Only an NPD could pull that off!
I am a Christian, but am usually rejected by other Christians; the more fundie they are, the more likely they are to reject me. I am a home school mom of 13 years, but again, I am hard to fit in a box so that is not always a welcoming community for me. I'm just out there, what can I say?
One reason that QF was unable to snare me is that I had a (healthy, imho) fear that I would crack under too much pressure and screw over my kids like my mom did. So I had my tubes tied after number two.
Which did not stop QFers from trying to make me feel like shit about that fact years later. One woman gave me article after article about miserable guilty wretches who felt guilty about getting their tubes tied and agonized over reconnecting surgery that most often didn't work out anyway.
I read it and though how sad that these Christian women didn't understand the concepts of mercy and grace. Holy Cannoli! Those ladies were whack, as my son would say.
Still, QF affects me. My best friend is QF, and her marriage is falling apart and that sucks. I am trying to support her as best as I can, but she hasn't worked in twenty years and she has four kids at home still. She asked her husband to move in with his mom on Thursday, which is a HUGE step for her.
My husband was raised super-fundie and it has affected him deeply and negatively. He is finishing up a 26 week course called Life Skills and starts private therapy on 5/5. I start back into private therapy next Wed.
He is my best friend and we are trying to get us healthy enough to stay together. He has some serious issues which came to a head last year. Last mother's day weekend actually. What I am dancing around is that he got physically abusive then, and is still prone to flip out (but "only" E/V abuse) and he and I both recognize it is due to his own FU childhood trauma that he needs to deal with.
The last way I am affected by QF/fundies, is the rest of my husband's family. His next oldest brother is the worst. He is in a cult sect of Christianity (The Brethren) and his buddy Phil Lancaster has talked him into being leader of his own family cult. They only have three children, all adults, all living on the family compound and working for Daddy. There are three granchildren though, with more to come annually as his children are of course QF (even though he wasn't) and also home birth and everything else.
This makes me so angry!
I remember when my nieces were normal happy little girls, and it grieves me so that their father's childhood trauma has drawn him to traumatize his own children and grandchildren. What a sick messed up and tragic situation.
So that's me. I am shadowspring on all other forums, and if I remember correctly I chose humbletigger on here so that I wouldn't out myself as a Christian. I don't want to trigger anyone else's trauma! But at this point I guess I feel more que sera, sera. So if someone can change my username for me, that'd be cool.
Oh, yes, one more thing. I live in a real religiously diverse neighborhood: Catholic, Jew, Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, non-religious, Catholic, evangelical, Lutheran and got to be some fundies around somewhere. Tapati's story helped me develop a greater appreciation for my Hindu neighbors, so that's cool.
I humbly bow and take my hat off to all of you, then bounce away ~
humbletigger
So, most of my experience with QF is from a distance, but still painful.
I am one of four daughters raised by an NPD mother out on the Great Plains. Fundamentalist religion, Bill Gothard, and feminism were interwoven in my mom's scary world of insanity. Quite the mix. Only an NPD could pull that off!
I am a Christian, but am usually rejected by other Christians; the more fundie they are, the more likely they are to reject me. I am a home school mom of 13 years, but again, I am hard to fit in a box so that is not always a welcoming community for me. I'm just out there, what can I say?
One reason that QF was unable to snare me is that I had a (healthy, imho) fear that I would crack under too much pressure and screw over my kids like my mom did. So I had my tubes tied after number two.
Which did not stop QFers from trying to make me feel like shit about that fact years later. One woman gave me article after article about miserable guilty wretches who felt guilty about getting their tubes tied and agonized over reconnecting surgery that most often didn't work out anyway.
I read it and though how sad that these Christian women didn't understand the concepts of mercy and grace. Holy Cannoli! Those ladies were whack, as my son would say.
Still, QF affects me. My best friend is QF, and her marriage is falling apart and that sucks. I am trying to support her as best as I can, but she hasn't worked in twenty years and she has four kids at home still. She asked her husband to move in with his mom on Thursday, which is a HUGE step for her.
My husband was raised super-fundie and it has affected him deeply and negatively. He is finishing up a 26 week course called Life Skills and starts private therapy on 5/5. I start back into private therapy next Wed.
He is my best friend and we are trying to get us healthy enough to stay together. He has some serious issues which came to a head last year. Last mother's day weekend actually. What I am dancing around is that he got physically abusive then, and is still prone to flip out (but "only" E/V abuse) and he and I both recognize it is due to his own FU childhood trauma that he needs to deal with.The last way I am affected by QF/fundies, is the rest of my husband's family. His next oldest brother is the worst. He is in a cult sect of Christianity (The Brethren) and his buddy Phil Lancaster has talked him into being leader of his own family cult. They only have three children, all adults, all living on the family compound and working for Daddy. There are three granchildren though, with more to come annually as his children are of course QF (even though he wasn't) and also home birth and everything else.
This makes me so angry!
I remember when my nieces were normal happy little girls, and it grieves me so that their father's childhood trauma has drawn him to traumatize his own children and grandchildren. What a sick messed up and tragic situation.So that's me. I am shadowspring on all other forums, and if I remember correctly I chose humbletigger on here so that I wouldn't out myself as a Christian. I don't want to trigger anyone else's trauma! But at this point I guess I feel more que sera, sera. So if someone can change my username for me, that'd be cool.
Oh, yes, one more thing. I live in a real religiously diverse neighborhood: Catholic, Jew, Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, non-religious, Catholic, evangelical, Lutheran and got to be some fundies around somewhere. Tapati's story helped me develop a greater appreciation for my Hindu neighbors, so that's cool.
I humbly bow and take my hat off to all of you, then bounce away ~
humbletigger
