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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Apr 29, 2010 7:55:58 GMT -5
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Post by humbletigger on Apr 29, 2010 9:02:35 GMT -5
While my heart breaks for the pain you experienced Kiery, I applaud you for having the courage to break out on your own! I chose home schooling for freedom: all those things you said your parents wanted for you "to think for myself, to stand up regardless of pressure" - that is what I wanted for my children to take out of home schooling. But as a parent, when it finally happens it is shocking. My children choose things I wouldn't choose?! Or making choices I also made but later regretted?! I am so sorry your parents didn't choose to relinquish control, listen to you and your beau, and bravely sail off into the wild unknown future trusting that the God Who is Love would see you all through. Or even just trusting their own parenting! Or dare I say it, trusting their intelligent, thoughtful daughter!! I can't wait to read the rest of your story. I am just guessing you didn't sit down and shut up about your own life, meekly allowing your parents to dictate your whole future. Or you wouldn't be posting your story!
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Post by krwordgazer on Apr 29, 2010 14:36:06 GMT -5
Wow, Kiery. Those conflicting messages must have driven you crazy.
Stand up and think for yourself! No, No, shut up and do what we tell you!
I guess what they were after was either having you out of the house, or in the house and under their control. In the house and being your own person was not acceptable.
So nuts.
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Post by Ex-Adriel on Apr 29, 2010 18:42:29 GMT -5
Aw, Kiery, you missed the real lesson - PRETEND to make your own decisions while really looking over your shoulder at your authorities and then "deciding" to do whatever it was that they want you to do! I so sympathise with you - it's a hateful thing to be taught from childhood to discern and think about spiritual matters, to be uplifted and have older people shown around with the goal of you becoming like them. You try so hard to emulate them and be the adult (responsible, spiritual, mature, lovable) person your authorities obviously want you to be - and then you get shot down every time you don't decide something precisely in a manner suiting the authority figure (and God help you figure out how they want you to think each time - it's like a field of landmines!). My mother used to refer to this as a demon spirit of control. Unless she was the one doing it - then I was the one with the demon. That's a large part of what finally drove me away from my own family. It sucks. edited almost immediately to add - At least they taught you to THINK! Several of the girls in different house-churches didn't even have critical thinking or discernment skills, in any area of life - their parents simply tried to keep them as 'virgin' and 'uncomplicated' as they could. I have always been grateful that at least my parents celebrated my mind. It seems to be the same way with you, and that's wonderful!
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Post by jadehawk on May 1, 2010 4:41:11 GMT -5
wow, I'm having such a hard time wrapping my head around marriage at 16! But then, I'm freaked out when I hear people marrying before they're 25 :-p It must have been extremely difficult to grow up with such conflicting messagess: it's cognitive dissonance built right into your family!
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Post by kiery on May 3, 2010 14:47:55 GMT -5
It wasn't confusing until I started recognizing the disconnects. It was okay for me to go and debate talking points from my dad and Rush Limbaugh, but it was bad for me to defend someone who didn't agree with or respond to my parents emails right away.
Before that though, I was great - they could send me where-ever with their talking points and I'd fire away. I was an arrow supposed to pop well rounded bubbles, you know. Because well-rounded was bad.
...I'm rounding out now, it's definitely a more complete view imo.
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Post by arietty on May 7, 2010 19:36:06 GMT -5
I can't believe they offered you money to break off your relationship!
You describe it so well. Yes we can be great deep thinkers as long as we are thinking the right stuff. And yet surely the ability to think and life experience must lead more than a few people to re-examine their own cherished ideologies, to at least round them out as you say.
Nowadays I love the well rounded! When I hear the partisan rantings of either the left or right I get the heebie jeebies. Fine, have a political view but real thinking involves hearing and understanding that which doesn't come naturally to your own beliefs. That is the REAL adventure in thinking, not just learning and parroting one belief system. I have read a few blogs from rebelutionaries and the ones that have an intellectual bent don't seem to have an real originality. I could write the blog posts myself, just give me the topic, lol. I don't see an wrestling with issues, just parroting of the party line.
Your parents.. it makes me sad for them that they were so narrow minded. They sacrificed what could have been a wonderful relationship with their daughter to their own pettiness and control issues. It's a terrible thing to value human beings based on how similar to us they manage to be.
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