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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Jul 28, 2009 16:05:26 GMT -5
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Post by cereselle on Jul 28, 2009 16:33:00 GMT -5
I'm so very interested in your story, Erika. I'm not a mother, and never will be, but I can totally relate to parental imposition of religion. I wonder what I would have been like had I been raised normally, and my situation was nowhere near yours.
I'm awaiting the next installment (not so) patiently...
(BTW, I don't intend to derail the thread, but how do you get your hair to dread? I've considered it, but mine is fine, limp, and oily, and I'm not sure that's conducive to dreads.)
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Post by stampinmama on Jul 29, 2009 8:27:57 GMT -5
Thanks, cereselle. I'm already working on the next installment. As for my dreads, my mom, sister and I all had a part in it. I used the backcoming and Rip & Twist method, then kind of let them do their own things over the first year and a half. I'm coming up on 3 years this Sept. Many of them combined over that first year on their own. I started out with around 40-50 very thin ones and now I have 19 roots and 22 tips. I love how they fattened up and combined. My hair used to be very thin and fine and 3 years ago, I could put my hair in a ponytail and could wrap my thumb and forefinger around it and they would over lap. Now, I can't even touch any of my fingers when I wrap my whole hand around them. I have so much more volume now. The human head loses around 75 hairs a day....but mine just dread in. I no longer shed like I used to. My scalp and hair are so much healthier now. It's amazing how stripping all the shampoos and conditioners on the market are. I use a shampoo that is all natural and doesn't strip the hair of its natural oils and also doesn't leave any residue behind (like conditioners do). Any hair can dread. If you're looking into doing your own hair, all you need is a fine tooth comb. Nothing else. No wax (it just gunks up the hair and attracts dust and dirt). Clean your hair with a non-residue shampoo (I love Dr. Bronner's) and then start backcombing. There's a really great community over LiveJournal that has been a huge amount of inspiration and help over the years. community.livejournal.com/get_up_dread_up/It's a free community and they have an amazing memories section that is like a dreadlock bible. Everything you need to know is there. The mod can be a little blunt and abrasive, but her intentions are good. Make sure you look in the memories before you ask any questions on the community. It's one of the most active comms I've ever been on. I love it.
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lectio
Full Member
growing...
Posts: 128
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Post by lectio on Jul 29, 2009 11:57:20 GMT -5
That was so good.... waiting impatiently now... PS. I graduated in 93, so it was so fun/weird to see the pictures of you...they look very much like my own pics....
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Post by stampinmama on Jul 29, 2009 12:20:35 GMT -5
PS. I graduated in 93, so it was so fun/weird to see the pictures of you...they look very much like my own pics.... My sister graduated in '93. I was one year behind her.
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Post by kisekileia on Jul 30, 2009 10:51:09 GMT -5
It's interesting how bullying provided the impetus for your parents pulling you and your siblings out of the school system. It really shows how important it is for schools to take bullying seriously, and to punish the aggressors rather than the victims (when the aggressor/victim relationship is clear).
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Post by stampinmama on Jul 30, 2009 12:40:52 GMT -5
It's interesting how bullying provided the impetus for your parents pulling you and your siblings out of the school system. It really shows how important it is for schools to take bullying seriously, and to punish the aggressors rather than the victims (when the aggressor/victim relationship is clear). When my son was getting ready to enter Kindergarten, I was really concerned about him. He's autistic and back then, he had very little verbal language. He had a one-on-one interventionist the entire day, but I was concerned that his actions and personality would rub other kids the wrong way and they would either be afraid of him or they would target him. Of course, my feelings were based on what I saw when I was in school. I had never seen teachers step up and punish the bully and protect the victim. I clearly remember to this day a boy in my class consistently being picked on throughout school. Not only in elementary but also in high school. One year, it actually affected his grades because he was so victimized and the school held him back a year. I remember walking to school one day and getting ready to stand in line outside before the bell rang and as I walked up, he was pinned against the wall by two boys and being punched repeatedly in the stomach by another boy. That image is burned into my mind. He was crying and throwing up with each punch. I ran into the school and told a teacher and she came out and all she did was tell the boys to stop fighting. That's it. It was almost like they had blinders on. Or they were afraid of the kids....or the kids' parents. Such are the politics of a small town where everyone is related. It was then that I got my first glimpse of real-life violence and I've been incredibly sensitive to it, which is how we should be. It's no wonder that some of these victimized kids go violent and wreak havoc on their schools. Or, they just become adult bullies. We've been very fortunate to be a part of an amazing school. It's a public school but feels like it's a private school. They have a zero tolerance policy for violence and bullying. The kids are extremely protective of my son and they understand him. The teachers, principal, Zach's case manager, myself and the special ed director at the school sat with the kids and had a talk about what autism is and how they could help connect with him and they really got it. They take him under their wings, they help him try to understand things, they try to teach him how to act properly if they see him doing something questionable in behavior. It's great for them, as they are taking roles of leadership and being good role models. I'm so sad that our school only goes up to 6th grade. We only have 200 kids in the school. It's an amazing place.
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Post by kisekileia on Jul 30, 2009 23:42:38 GMT -5
And unchecked bullying doesn't necessarily make the victims into bullies--but it often does give them PTSD, and in the online Asperger's forum where I participate there are quite a few people who have PTSD from bullying.
I'm really glad that your son's school is so wonderful. The awareness level both of bullying's dangers and of disabilities has gone up so much in the last ten to fifteen years. It's great to see.
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calulu
Junior Member
Posts: 76
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Post by calulu on Aug 1, 2009 7:50:49 GMT -5
Were you going to mission trips through Global Expeditions? My daughter used to go away every summer with them to different foreign countries and she loved it.
Can't wait for the next part of the story. You guys have no idea how healing it is for me to find a community where I can read the stories of others coming out of a patriarchal society and finding wholeness again.
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Post by stampinmama on Aug 1, 2009 11:16:38 GMT -5
Were you going to mission trips through Global Expeditions? My daughter used to go away every summer with them to different foreign countries and she loved it. Can't wait for the next part of the story. You guys have no idea how healing it is for me to find a community where I can read the stories of others coming out of a patriarchal society and finding wholeness again. I went through Teen Missions International. My husband and I went on an adult team to Ecuador in Jan/Feb. of 2000.....a month and a half before my daughter was born. Both trips were amazing experiences. Especially for my husband as it gave him an appreciation for what he has and what others don't. I'm working on the next installment.
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Post by hopewell on Aug 1, 2009 12:51:27 GMT -5
I know bullying can be very intense--my own son really suffered in one school. We've done it all--Christian School, public school, homeschool. Small school, big school, urban and rural. It's all about the staff and the parents. It's sad that at 14 your parents took you away from your "world." My daughter is 13 and, by HER choice, spent last year at home. This year she wants to go back to school and I am "letting" her because I think she is old enough to decide this for herself. I stress that high school has to be all public school or all homeschool though! I am anxious to hear the rest of your story!
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Post by luneargentee on Aug 1, 2009 17:25:08 GMT -5
Erika, your posts hit so close to home for me. My parents sent me as a substitute to the local Southern Baptist church. Just me. They never attended. I did love VSB though. When we moved to another town, all pretense of church was dropped. But two years later, they dragged us kids into a Kingdom Hall. Due to that, my life with my parents and most of my family is completely over. The one thing that makes me happy about your posts is your parents recognition (somewhat weak, but still there) and regret over what they put you and your siblings through when they went fundagelical.
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Post by tapati on Aug 2, 2009 2:24:38 GMT -5
Knowing what comes later, it's sad that this school's inability to handle bullies appropriately led to an ever more restrictive life for you and your family. I really look forward to the next installment and hearing how your family got involved with the preacher who so strongly influenced them.
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Hillary
Full Member
"Quivering Daughters ~ Hope and Healing for the Daughters of Patriarchy" Now Available!
Posts: 129
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Post by Hillary on Aug 8, 2009 13:03:40 GMT -5
Loving the story, Erika. And the photo of you, as always, is beautiful.
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