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Post by dorayp on Jun 14, 2010 15:43:44 GMT -5
Wow, I'm glad this is helpful to people, and I so appreciate all the comments! My husband got his graphic design degree yesterday (Yay!), and I've still got a houseful of relatives here for the graduation-- but I'll respond more fully as soon as I can. I really hope you get to dealing with the verses that deal with wives submitting to and obeying their husbands. I confess that I am really struggling with this concept now given what I was subjected to in the past. It is hard for me to contemplate going from a position of independence and not answering to anyone to having to do that. It feels like trading in my status as an adult for one of a child. If I weren't a follower of Christ, I would think my ideal relationship would be to have a lover for companionship and intimacy, but it wouldn't restrict my freedom to go places and do the things I want to do when I wanted to do them. That perceived restricition is what keeps me back from contemplating remarriage with any man unless I could have a relationship that was more of a partnership/team than being a subordinate in a hierarchical system. I think this word, submit, is so misinterpreted. Strong's exhaustive concordance says this about Ephesians 5:22: "This word was a Greek military term meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader". In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden"."How much more fulfilling marriage is when we "cooperate," and "carry burdens" together! My marriage is NOT a military unit!!! I am NOT a troop member, that needs to be "arranged." The night my hubby and I researched that one word and found it meant to "cooperate," it healed so many wounds. I have the word submit crossed out in my Bible and I wrote cooperate in its place. I would encourage you to do the same. Blessings! Dorinda
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Post by dorayp on Jun 11, 2010 21:22:21 GMT -5
I am so thankful for this series! I was a Christian before I got sucked into the patriarchal movement, and I'm still a Christian. I believe God HATES the QF/Patriarchal movement and wants to deliver His people from it. There have been many times that I'm discouraged because so many people seem anti-Christian when they leave the QFPatriarchal movement. I despair of reaching my friends still entrenched in the movement, because there's an unwritten rule against speaking out against other church's practices. What those pastors don't realize is, the pastors in the patriarchal movement not only speak out against other churches, they NAME NAMES!!! If more pastors would address this cult-like movement, happening sometimes right under their noses in their own churches, less families would be sucked in by the false doctrine!
What a great post! Thank you so much! Dorinda
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Post by dorayp on Jun 6, 2010 17:12:44 GMT -5
I think when we have experienced something horrible in our lives, we tend to "throw the baby out with the bathwater," and deem everything that person or organization did as "evil," and wrong. The reality is, any action can be used to control, abuse or hurt. There were plenty of things in my 20's I swore I would never do or say because my parents did them, and yet, they weren't wrong about everything. Just a lot of things. What I find when I encounter people who think the majority of homeschoolers are doing their kids wrong is, they have never seen or been exposed to the other groups. Probably because they were homeschooled within the patriarchal movement. I'm saying all this to point out, there is a HUGE group of secular homeschoolers that homeschool for many reasons other than religion. As a matter of fact, if you do a google search, you'll find magazines, forums and articles discussing them. I know many who do not associate with a church or religious group, but are still homeschoolers for life. They want their children to have a better academic road than the local community has to offer, and they are able to provide it at home. Would those of us like that welcome more regulation, not really. But that's simply because it feels like persecution. If a public schooled kid cannot read, no one blames the parents. Why not? Where there has been regulation, there has been a lot of "guilty until proven innocent." The reality is, the vast majority of homeschoolers DO keep records, we are TERRIFIED of failing our children academically, and we are more guilty of overdoing their education than underdoing it. I would encourage everyone to look into the other side of the homeschooling movement. The one that started us homeschooling. I had a daughter that could read and was very active, but no schools would take her because of the "age cutoff." She was academically superior in all things Language Arts, but struggled in Math. She did so well at home, that all the teachers I ever talked to agreed they would not know what to do with her or where to place her in a PS setting. She happens to be at an age now where her peers have caught up with her, and she's caught up with them. In between all this, there was a period of 2-3 years where we chose a church in the Patriarchal movement. We did not understand that at the time, and we are just now (3 years later) finding healing and resolution. We have had to go through each piece of the movement and dissect it, evaluate it, and decide if it now fits with our lives and beliefs. There are some things I want nothing to do with, but I have been able to look at friends and understand why they choose to continue down that path. There are other things that I've joyfully been able to re-embrace, knowing that one movement (patriarchal) does not own every organization it supports. Homeschooling is one of them. So, I would encourage anyone who wants to see the other side, to google, and research homeschooling from a different point of view. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Blessings! Dorinda Whose daughter did decide to do another year at home, but helped me pick out curriculum, and the activities we will be involved in.
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Post by dorayp on Jun 3, 2010 14:24:08 GMT -5
I, for one, appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your story. As a mother who has left the QFmovement, the decision to continue homeschooling has plagued me. The last two years, I have been very indecisive and struggled with the groups that seek to isolate and limit my children. While we never totally bought into the movement you were involved in (one of the reasons we were asked to leave our church), we still question what we should be doing now. Just the other day, I put my girls on a waiting list for a Charter School. We had a family discussion about homeschooling, and what our goals are (college, play, freedom in our studies etc.) And, now we are in wait and see mode. Our youngest wants to continue at home. In her own words, "I like having most of the day to play." ;D Our oldest can't decide. Your story really encourages me in my quest to seek out alternative groups not tied with churches in my community. They are out there, and they are EXTREMELY supportive. It also makes me feel better about choosing to let my daughter have a say in her education. Thanks so much for sharing your story, and providing families healing.
Blessings! Dorinda
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Post by dorayp on May 14, 2010 10:48:08 GMT -5
Vyckie, I've walked that walk and I don't know what hurts more, the fact that I'm being shunned, or that my children are being shunned. The day after our former pastor told us to leave and never come back, he called all our friends and told them we were enemies of the church and to stay away from us. He told them we were fallen and until we came to repentance, they were in danger. We found out through friends who refused to listen to him that he preached about us for weeks! The reality is, he needs them to be afraid of us, because WE MAKE SENSE! None of what the patriarchal movement teaches is what Christ taught. You're right, that's not a religion you need or want.
We still consider ourselves Christian, but we have exactly 2 friends from that life. It's been 3 years since we were booted out of our church, and we're still picking up the pieces. After being told not to talk about it because it would only hurt us further, we now talk about it daily. It's the only thing that is healing us. Every time I read your blog, I am encouraged and amazed by your strength. You are allowed to ask why, you are allowed to demand answers! This is all part of the healing process, going through the pain and coming out on the other side. I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are going to a Non-Denominational Church, we have new friends (and friends that stuck by us before we were fundamentalists), and we realize that type of life was never what Christ taught. Shame on those who are judging you! Hang in there! There will be a day where it won't hurt as much!
Blessings! Dorinda
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