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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Jun 29, 2009 0:45:34 GMT -5
I spent most of the day (and part of the night) writing the following letter: 2spb.blogspot.com/2009/06/dear-carri-open-letter-from-one.htmlI'm not even sure if it's the right thing to do ~ but I feel certain that what Carri needs right now is not condemnation or judgment ~ so I wanted to offer the one thing which I think I do have ~ my understanding.
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Post by princessjo1988 on Jun 29, 2009 1:04:21 GMT -5
Well said. I am glad someone has the patience, that for the large part I do not. Jo
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calulu
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Post by calulu on Jun 29, 2009 6:35:48 GMT -5
Very gracefully done. I, like Princess Jo, do not have the patience for that. I'd still like to bbq the midwife and do a ball-ectomy on the husband. I have the toenail clippers, dental floss and carpet needle, I just need someone to hold him down.
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Post by sargassosea on Jun 29, 2009 8:52:38 GMT -5
I am very sure that writing this was difficult and emotional for you, Vyckie. It is clear that you did follow Carri's journal with attention, and dare I add, a great deal of apprehension. Your honesty is powerful; your respect for a woman's right to her own feelings and intuition is a true blessing to every woman and girl, everywhere.
Should Carri read any of this here at the forum: I would like to offer my condolences for your loss and a warm heart to you and your children.
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Post by Vyckie D. Garrison on Jun 29, 2009 12:22:33 GMT -5
2spb.blogspot.com/2009/06/dear-carri-open-letter-from-one.html Jo & Calulu ~ I can see where you'd not have the patience with Carri ~ I think the situation is so horrible that unless you've been there, it's really incomprehensible ~ how could you have patience with a woman who takes such irresponsible risks? It is my hope that reading my letter might give you at least a glimpse of understanding ... and perhaps a smidgen of patience. As for the midwives ~ I hope there will be a full investigation and charges pressed against them. And Mark ~ if I had the time and energy ~ I'd have a whole 'nother letter for him ~ and it wouldn't be nearly so understanding or forgiving. There's someone that I absolutely do not have the patience for ~ I actually don't even have the words (not even 4 letter words) to express what I think and feel about a patriarchal husband who "leads" his wife and family in this manner ~ and then to have the gall to say that God / Jesus is glorified in all of this? Sea ~ thanks for your note. It was difficult and draining to write this letter to Carri. Her words just brought back to my mind all that I was thinking and feeling ~ and so, while it was easy for me to put myself in her shoes (or so I imagine ~ I really have no idea as it's all just so personal and individual) ~ but going back to that place and reliving that trauma ~ that was hard as hell.
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Post by AustinAvery on Jun 29, 2009 14:12:20 GMT -5
And Mark ~ if I had the time and energy ~ I'd have a whole 'nother letter for him ~ and it wouldn't be nearly so understanding or forgiving. There's someone that I absolutely do not have the patience for ~ I actually don't even have the words (not even 4 letter words) to express what I think and feel about a patriarchal husband who "leads" his wife and family in this manner ~ and then to have the gall to say that God / Jesus is glorified in all of this? Vyckie, I hope this is not a dumb question. In one of the posts I read here, Carrie's husband wrote that Carri had undergone an MRI or an ultrasound, and he was pleased to inform one and all that Carri's organs were not damaged by the ordeal. Following that, he immediately wrote "Praise the Lord," and he added a plethora of exclamation points just in case we missed the point. That was on my mind when I commented upon your return from Minneapolis by saying "Praise the . . . good doctors, the spunky children, and their dedicated mother!" (Castor caught that bit of snark and was kindly complimentary). But back to the question. What is the thinking, if you can recall, that allows one to think that God was inside Carri protecting her organs without also thinking, he was also inside her letting the child die? It is that sort of thinking, above all else, that I just can't fathom.
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Post by jemand on Jun 29, 2009 14:14:45 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure God WAS inside her letting the little boy die, according to their belief. Honestly it's really more of a Stockholm syndrome thing than anything else.
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Post by hopewell on Jun 29, 2009 14:36:02 GMT -5
So if "all" of her organs are safe does that mean next year may feature a new "blessing" or is she out of the baby business??
Please, Please, Please write the letter for Mark. It's so needed.
I remember a friend who started out QF [but left after 4 kids] writing of the birth of her 2nd by C-section "I felt some discomfort as they were...." I know she meant "I was screaming in pain..." She was lucky. Her husband IS an MD and stopped the madness. Mark, I'm sure would praise God and start a new baby within weeks....sick, sick, sad, sad, sad....
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Post by philosophia on Jun 29, 2009 22:07:24 GMT -5
But back to the question. What is the thinking, if you can recall, that allows one to think that God was inside Carri protecting her organs without also thinking, he was also inside her letting the child die? It is that sort of thinking, above all else, that I just can't fathom. Austinavery, The thinking of the Calvinist runs like this. The purpose of my existence is to glorify and be perfected by God. Therefore he will bring trials into my life, as per the example of Job. God saw fit to take the child prematurely to heaven, and that is a trial to perfect me, therefore I will rejoice in his favor toward me. I will count it a blessing that he did not have to do anything worse. I will praise God Carrie's organs are intact, so she can have another child to comfort her for the loss of this one...etc. I have a dear friend who is still in the movement who had a story almost this horrible. Or to some it may be worse. While she was at the hospital giving birth to her 8th child, her 19 month old son died at her home under the care of his 14 year old sister, of respiratory failure. An unbelieveable tragedy, and CPS was called in to investigate. They sincerely believed that God meant it for their own good, and accepted it graciously, at least on the surface. I believe that my friend is carrying her scars deep inside for the sake of her family. I hope my explanation helps.
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lectio
Full Member
growing...
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Post by lectio on Jun 29, 2009 23:08:36 GMT -5
I thought the letter was wonderful. Really. It was written as only one who has been there could write.
(((Vyckie)))
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Post by AustinAvery on Jun 30, 2009 11:50:35 GMT -5
philosophia:
That does help, but at the same time its frustrating to consider. That sort of thinking is like a perfect self-sustaining loop. You never get out, and no logical argument to the contrary can ever get in.
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jo
Junior Member
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Post by jo on Jun 30, 2009 11:58:02 GMT -5
I expect if ALLher organs are intact, then yes she will soon be expecting another blessing.
Wasn't it Vyckie who said she went onto have more after nearly dying because at the time she reasoned that her doctor knew she would use a uterus left inside her and if subsequent birth was *that* dangerous, then the doctor would not have left her that organ to use.
Best I can tell, having a doctor remove your uterus does seem to be the only time qf households find it acceptable to stop the blessings.
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Post by jemand on Jun 30, 2009 12:13:53 GMT -5
correct me if I'm wrong Vykie, but wasn't that reasoning after your Wesley? Your youngest child? As in, it didn't change your mindset at the time but I didn't think you did have any more children after the partial uterine rupture.
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Post by buzzard on Jun 30, 2009 13:14:01 GMT -5
Wonderfully written! Perhaps someone who has access to her forum/blog can repost it so there is a greater chance of her reading it.
I still question the AFE diagnosis - her recovery seems too complete and fast. I share the fear others have that she will be "with child" again by the end of the summer...
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Post by coleslaw on Jun 30, 2009 13:42:55 GMT -5
philosophia: That does help, but at the same time its frustrating to consider. That sort of thinking is like a perfect self-sustaining loop. You never get out, and no logical argument to the contrary can ever get in. Morton's Demon
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jo
Junior Member
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Post by jo on Jun 30, 2009 13:50:45 GMT -5
Well,it appears not *all* her organs are in fact intact. She has had her vessel taken, in her own words.
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calulu
Junior Member
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Post by calulu on Jun 30, 2009 13:57:54 GMT -5
Praise the angles! At least she can no longer make risky birthing decisions.
Sorry, I really mean, I hope she doesn't allow this to turn her bitter and warp her now that her own stated purpose for living is gone.
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Post by jemand on Jun 30, 2009 14:26:08 GMT -5
where did you find that info?
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Post by buzzard on Jun 30, 2009 14:26:47 GMT -5
Well,it appears not *all* her organs are in fact intact. She has had her vessel taken, in her own words. Has she written something somewhere?
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Post by AustinAvery on Jun 30, 2009 15:06:14 GMT -5
philosophia: That does help, but at the same time its frustrating to consider. That sort of thinking is like a perfect self-sustaining loop. You never get out, and no logical argument to the contrary can ever get in. Morton's DemonThanks for that link coleslaw! As funny as it is edifying.
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Post by princessjo1988 on Jun 30, 2009 15:49:06 GMT -5
The Latest Update on Carri's Forum "Heritage of the Lord".
I am honored; Carri has asked me to tell you all about Benaniah's service yesterday.
Yesterday they held a personal and very moving service in their home to say goodbye to their dear Benaniah. I was truly blessed to be invited and close enough to attend. Mark (Carri's husband) led the service and the children gave gifts to their baby brother and read scriptures. Carri's oldest son, Jacob, had made a video tribute to his baby brother, it was beautiful and heart-wrenching. Carri was radiant. If I didn't know that she had lost her life just ten days earlier and been miraculously restored to health I would've never guessed that she was anything less than in perfect health. I tell you guys, that woman GLOWS. She sat in a chair, her eight living children surrounding her, adoring her, as her husband gently lifted their dear baby from his resting place and placed him in her arms. At that moment the grief was almost too much to take, but you know what this family did? They raised their voices up and sang praises to God. They thanked Him for His will and His mercy and they wept and smiled and grieved and worshiped all at the same time. I've never seen anything like it. I've never seen such faith and love in a family, I can't even describe it. That experience will impact me forever. After everyone said their goodbyes Carri's two oldest children, Benaniah's oldest brother's, carried his resting box out of the house and rode with him to the cemetery. Their family friend, a preacher, read more scriptures and said a prayer and then Carri's oldest son placed Benaniah in the earth. Everyone then took turns placing dirt in his grave; each of the children, their family, their friends, the midwives, everyone lovingly covered Benaniah. They sang a goodbye song to him and then passed out bubbles. The wind blew just enough that you could hold up the wands and the bubbles would come out on their own. Benaniah was saying goodbye too. Afterward we went back to their home and the children laughed and played and we all sat and talked like a family gathered together for a holiday, it was a celebration; Carri was alive. Ten days earlier she had died *twice* but there she sat smiling and loving on her children with her husband adoring her. I can't express the beauty of this family in words.
The money that was donated will help tremendously in paying for Benaniah's funeral. Carri has asked me to thank you all for your donations and your prayers. Her family has been deeply touched by the love they've experienced over these internet communities.
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Post by jemand on Jun 30, 2009 15:56:01 GMT -5
who wrote that last piece? It was on Carri's blog, but doesn't seem to be from her point of view.
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Post by princessjo1988 on Jun 30, 2009 16:04:16 GMT -5
Carri's Own Update:
Our midwife that had retired came to the hospital to be with our family.Our midwives called her and told her where we were. MArk was blessed to have her there beyond words. She knitted this hat for Benaniah and some booties and at the funeral she brought with her long knitted like a book mark of the very yarn she used on his hat and booties for us to remember him. She made extra for the people at the funeral too.
He looked just like all our other children. A beautiful boy who sacraficed his life for his Momma's He lived his life to sacrafice and praise the Lord and he has in his short life brought others to Christ and save lost souls leading them to his father in heaven. I am honored to have such a son who gave his life for me.. Thank you Son for loving me and teaching me the ways of God are not our ways and coming to the table that he has prepared for me the bread of forgiveness the wine of release. I am tasting the Glory son ....
Also her blog is open again.
Jo
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Post by princessjo1988 on Jun 30, 2009 16:06:25 GMT -5
It was written by one of Carri 's friends that went to the service.
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Post by AustinAvery on Jun 30, 2009 17:27:30 GMT -5
He looked just like all our other children. A beautiful boy who sacraficed his life for his Momma's He lived his life to sacrafice and praise the Lord and he has in his short life brought others to Christ and save lost souls leading them to his father in heaven. I am honored to have such a son who gave his life for me.Jo I don't mean to sound cruel given this woman's pain, but am I the only one who thinks this reads like a cult?
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