|
Post by hopewell on Feb 5, 2010 10:34:52 GMT -5
A little off topic....SUSAN: you are in good company. My sil is a childless school pyschologist. I'm a liberal Christian, and from time-to-time we've done homeschool. As a single Mom homeschool is tough, but do able. Short version: my 15 year old is in Juve system now on home arrest. I removed him from the horrible high school he was in and he's doing homeschool. My sil threaten what she calls "legal action." My kids post-adoption issues have made me very familiar with CPS and what they can and can't do. Long story short: While we are very open with my Mom, my sil and brother [sadly about my brother] are just no longer part of our lives. She even forced her way into a joining one of my son's counseling sessions. The psychologist leading the session told me we need never see her again!! It happens. Sometimes family members are toxic, sometimes friends are. I've also had a blast trying to be part of any Christian homeschool group. Just try saying the words "single Mom" and see how fast they scatter! Our homeschool group is a 45 mile drive away but it has "everything" in the way of families!
juliacat : I totally agree--that image has haunted me too. I also wonder how many other QF kids have been rocked to sleep bathed in Mama's tears.
As for the image of Susanna Wesely running naked! Well, I DIDN'T Know this and spit tea at the screen!! Too darned funny!!
Finally: If you read FreeJinger you know the Maxwell's are favorites of mine. Their "Chore Packs" and "Managers of their Homes/Schools" are very, very well intentioned--they just take it all way too seriously! I'm a FlyLady drop-out multiple times, so I've never bought MoTHs.....
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Feb 2, 2010 13:50:35 GMT -5
I think it's more "Homeschooling, when not Mom's choice, when Mom has too much else to do, and when it's done for indoctrination, kills Mom". My 15 year old son is homeschooling now and it's actually simplified my life--but I have 2 teens, a small house, an adequate income and no husband forcing it down my throat!
That said, Ruth I guess I was so radicalized in college by the beginnings of the Women's Studies movement etc that I cannot imagine Sticking around for all that your mom "took." The courts almost always grant custody to the mother, if she didn't want to lose the kids. Still, I've been seriously depressed in my life and understand not being able to get out of the "fog" [as it was to me]. I cannot imagine having to be depressed, be locked in a prayer closet and have some old know-it-all telling my husband how bad I was. I guess I'd have taken my Bible bookmark and sharpened it and done myself in. What a way to live.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Jan 29, 2010 15:56:12 GMT -5
Each time she delivers I hope the doctors will risk it and tie her tubes or give her a hysterectomy. Those of you who read Free Jinger will be able to read my new parody about them. Mrs. Bates is pregnant again too, with , # 18 after supposedly nearly dying with # 17. I wonder how much insurance TLC has on her?
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Jan 20, 2010 11:33:21 GMT -5
So interesting. I've always figured Gothard life was a total train-wreck so I'm enjoying [in a sick sort of way] reading your family's version. Keep writing!!
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Jan 15, 2010 13:59:50 GMT -5
I'm really looking forward to reading more by you. I enjoy your blog and I'm glad you are now here, too.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Dec 22, 2009 14:28:49 GMT -5
A little off topic, but the sentence about QF Men made me think: Will we ever hear from an Ex-QF husband/father? Surely there are some and probably some who are gritting their teeth and supporting baby?
I've said this before, but Nancy Campbell gives me the creeps....
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Dec 14, 2009 11:21:05 GMT -5
The Duggars claim to have private health insurance and do not take any government assistance. so they should be "fine." They will probably also be able to negotiate the part they pay out-of-pocket especially if they pay a substantial amount of it at one time.
I guess what saddens me most here is that it's the 4 oldest girls who will be "paying" for this child. I doubt they will have any hope of marrying in their 20s since someone will have to do the housework, raise the "other" little kids, homeschool them while one of them and or Mom/Dad cares for Josie if she makes it. Even if she does come home and does not have any disabilities [which is possible] she will still need far more care in her first year than Jordyn did. Since it took BOTH parents to be with Jordyn when she was hospitalized I can only imagine what it will take with Josie.
If I was Jill, Jana, Jessa or Jinger I'd get the car keys and head out while Mom/Dad are stuck at the hospital and never look back.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Dec 12, 2009 13:06:33 GMT -5
Like everyone else, in spite of snarking on them, I really am praying for Michelle and baby Josie. I'm also praying for Grandma and the 4 oldest girls who are holding down the fort at home for "duration". I really hoped with # 18 that she would have to have a hysertectomy and be done. The younger kids will grow up very differently from the elder ones and #19 may be the most indulged of all with her scary start in life. I'm with the rest of the jaded crew though and feel certain we will be hearing in the not-too-distant-future of the impeding arrival of #20.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Dec 10, 2009 16:38:42 GMT -5
I've frequently said you do not see the ones living in sheds and trailers and tents on the TLC programs or on the cover of The Teaching Home. Even Above Rubies doesn't feature their daughter who lives without running water or their other daughter who was living with 10 kids in ONE room on the front cover. They talk about how WONDERFUL and godly they are but we never see pictures of this
Arietty--this is exactly what I wish someone WOULD show! Not only poor Carrie and her tragically dead child, but more of the real "cost" some of these folks "pay" for their beliefs. I'd also like to hear, since many are at that age now, how some of the boys at least are supporting themselves after growing up like this. [And I do assume some are doing just fine--I'm not all negative here!] I keep reading that so many young people are turning their backs on this. I'd love to see "Bazillion kids and starving for God" and let people see the "other" side of this movement. I know at the Free Jinger boards they do discuss a few families, but I'd be interested in more--in a respectful, but truthful video or newstories. I wish someone out there living so desperately WAS able to blog--but of course they can't. It would be fascinating.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Dec 8, 2009 12:07:27 GMT -5
Seriously--the woman named her poor little boy LEVITICUS? ?? oy vey!
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Dec 1, 2009 15:00:28 GMT -5
A dear friend of mine, a truly devout Christian in the TRUE sense of that word, always says "Why is it when the wife goes away in an ambulance from being beated the husband has on a Promise Keepers shirt?" Nothing against Promise Keepers--it's just that your life is the typical type of abuse in our world. The good guy--no one believes it. I've worked for guys who spoke to their wives in ways a murder would speak and then charm old ladies faster than Andy and Opie combined! My own long ago ex [now late ex] was GREAT, loving, caring....until the day after we married. I understand. I can't wait to read more of your story.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Nov 25, 2009 10:56:18 GMT -5
Oh, I know that feeling!!! Even as an adult I've visited Churches and Christian Bookstores [and keep in mind I'm a willing Christian!!] where it was as though everyone "knew" I wasn't "good enough" to join their fellowship. I'm stunned though that you could "know" this at 7--I don't doubt you, just amazes me that it was transmitted so strongly and that your already sensitive brain brought more into it from your own life. I have never understood why we have to dress "this way" or wear our hair "that way" to be "real" Christians! They Christ I stilll love wouldn't have cared! Legalism, man-made [and women demoting] rules change everything, don't they? Very good post. I hope there will be more of your story.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Nov 18, 2009 11:29:25 GMT -5
Reading this makes me even happier to be single..... I hope to later read of the day comes when you take a shovel and beat him over the head with it!
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Nov 11, 2009 13:33:34 GMT -5
I have a very thick skin. Yes, I'm sure things I've said are cringe-worthy! Sometimes I blog without a self-editor on, needing to vent. My point isn't to get into a debate about why folks are or are not gay. I am just worried about kids growing up under such oppression. Gay or straight they are your kids--God gave them to you to love, nurture and care for. I fear for the kids who grow up in QF and then "escape" and don't know who they really are or how to cope in a world that's always been portrayed to them as sinful and evil. That's all. OK?
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Nov 11, 2009 13:29:20 GMT -5
FYI--Fox 59 is in Indianapolis, Indiana. Minor point, but they do deserve proper credit for the report! Great Carnival--I've been away, so I'm catching up.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Nov 5, 2009 15:02:01 GMT -5
I love it! Great post! Love the reference to "family building their own house for 10 years" and to the men standing around discussing how wonderful it all is. I hope you write more.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Nov 5, 2009 12:49:38 GMT -5
I note that Abigail Adams often excruciaingly honest letters to her hubby are rarely, if ever, mentioned by VF.......
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Nov 5, 2009 11:11:32 GMT -5
The word you were looking for is JERK. Not spiritual giant, not man of God, but garden variety J.E.R.K. I'm so sorry you had to live thru this!
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Nov 3, 2009 10:38:15 GMT -5
So much like radical Islam or FLDS. I hope you fell to your knees in gratitude that your Mom took your side [just kidding]. This is among the many sides of QF life that we will never see on "18 Kids and Counting" [i.e. the Duggars] and which those "their such nice folks" fans need to hear and see.
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Nov 2, 2009 15:57:52 GMT -5
Thanks for the compliments! You all are so "encouraging"
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Oct 29, 2009 15:44:43 GMT -5
Anyone writing about keeping the "good" and throwing out the bad? Also, can you be Quiverfull, but NOT homeschool? Quiverfull-minded, but work? I love to snark with the best of them, but know many folks get to this thru genuine faith and it can't go "bad" every time!That said, my posts are snarky!
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Oct 27, 2009 10:34:27 GMT -5
mandajanie I can't imagine! All of these stories make me so grateful for the parents I had and make me loosen up more with my own kids!
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Oct 26, 2009 12:30:54 GMT -5
arietty, you took the words right out of my mouth! I pity you AND your brother in that picture.
It's the feelings you express that I remember so well when ever I was made to "dress up' as a tween & early teen in the 70s. And, those are the feelings I keep in mind if I absolutely have to veto a clothing choice from my own kids.
My sister made the biggest attempt to look like every other girl in the “church” and pretty soon, her wardrobe was filled with denim and calico jumpers and blouses with big collars. My mom’s wardrobe was quickly filling up with the same.
Someone tell me when/how this became the defacto "Uniform" of "true" Christian womanhood? These WERE fashionable in the late 80s/early 90s, but how did they become the epitome of all that is righteous? I cannot imagine, having been myself a tom boy who loved to ride bikes and play basketball, having to wear such awful clothing!!! I remember hiding at work and CRYING the first day I wore my then stylish, brand new Eddie Bauer denim jumper. I caught a look at my backside and realized not only did the thing look truly awful on me, but it gave me the appearance of a centaur! Not what I'd ever want a teenage girl to have to wear!!!
I always thought it was such a shame that their [mother/sisters] amazing talents went to waste on such frumpy and doudy clothing. Their work was always well done, but the patterns and fabric left much to be desired.
Maybe sewing and creating something helped keep them sane? I just visualize the horrible panda print jumpers, flowered jumpers and other awful bargain fabric creations the Duggar girls wore in their first few specials. Again, those fashions were in style for a brief period....but not by the time those specials aired!! I imagine some of the FLDS women also stay sane by focusing on producing a well maid dress rather than dwelling on the true appeal of the finished garmet.
I was looked at like the outcase and rebellious one by everyone in the church, as I would show up with mis-matched patterns, funky designs and my high-top sneakers with the bright red laces. Everyone pretended to humor me on the outside, but I heard the whispers and saw the sneers. Families would never let their girls get very close to me, as if I had some sort of rebellious inducing disease. Any time I was let close, there was always a parent around to make sure I wasn’t heathenizing their daughters
Another thing that has always bugged me about uber Conservative groups--why does all individuality have to be squashed? If a child is "trained up in the way he should go" and accepts the Lord as Saviour, why does it matter if she prefers to play basketball instead of rocking babies? For some reason, it really, really does though! Meek child-minding, slave-daughters [robot daughters?] are always preferred. It's as though the men KNOW the women are smarter and more capable and have to hide it so they can keep "face" and not have the other guys realize the wife and daughters are more intelligent.
Why must men and women be so rigidly separated in ways that may not be best for the family? If a wife is better able to support the family, or the husband is more laid back and nurturing why shouldn't they go that route? Brings me to the next in your "little shop of horors"
I remember Mr. Thompson feeding my father the line, “Take away everything that is important to your children and eventually, you’ll be the only thing left that’s important to them and they’ll cling to you.”
If I were trying to win my kids to my belief [instead I encourage, but don't force it!!] I'd not be trying to "win" them, not alienate them!! Pull the rug out from under teenagers and think they're going to meely submit? What planet were these parents of yours on? As for the idiot quoted above--when you've totally alienated your kids by taking all that they live for away, why, why, why would they LOVE you in return? Who ever thanked the Gestapo or KGB for making their lives a total hell? Seriously, people felt this would get you to obey them? Too much control always leads to sneaking around and trying to get "over".....
Totally bizarre, but as we all know, yours are not, were not, will not be the only parents who buy into it hook, line and sinker!
Great post--you pain is palpable!
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Oct 21, 2009 11:07:36 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by hopewell on Oct 19, 2009 15:43:11 GMT -5
Hey--no debate need start here--I was rambling. It's ok to ignore my rambling.
|
|